Reasons You Will Hate Me

35 comments

But I don't wanna be employee of the month...

Recently I was with my beloved family in Northern NSW for a cousin's wedding (lovely, thanks for asking). We had some time to kill before the ceremony and went to the local supermarket to purchase a few pieces.

It was when we were at the counter on our way out I noticed this picture on the wall:

'Why, I'd love to,' I said, 'but I'm in rather a rush.'

Did I have it wrong? Or was the offer to 'service' the lovely Lavinia merely an extension of that down-home country hospitality? Was this how they settled accounts in small-town New South Wales? Did Lavinia mind the queue of slavering customers leeringly waiting to get their rocks off?

It was then that I noticed another picture:

Wtf? Who or what was Perishables George? Was he in charge of a large group of frantically fainting Southern belles? Why was he so fucking beefcake? Did his folded arms indicate that he was going to get 'strict' with me should I attempt to scarper without paying?

HAD I STUMBLED UPON SOME KIND OF SEX-MART?

Sadly, it would appear so.

Upon closer inspection, the wall revealed itself to be a veritable rogue's gallery of SICK PERVERTS. I daren't even imagine what 'Liquor Jason' gets up to in his spare time.

Missing in action: Oversize Undies Lisa, Tampons Graeme and Gelatinous Barbecued Chicken Clark.

702 days til the next election.

35 comments.

Comments

07Nov10:45

Yubris said...

My votes go to Packing Richard, Large Cans Doris (encouragement award for Dairy), Frozen Bridget, International Wayne and Security Chastity.

07Nov10:59

Yubris said...

Checkout Mibuti and Eggs Noyoko also tied for Token/Import.

07Nov11:26

Tim said...

I note that Longlife Cameron is looking pretty pleased with himself.

07Nov11:26

Roguemaze Central said...

Vegetarian not Jason.

I hate this fucking word verification thing.

07Nov11:52

Mark K said...

ok, note "Annette/Store Services". Note that in her case they have put her name first. This means that they realised that 'Store services Annette' would be an unacceptable thing to write. Yet their cognisance did not stretch to realising that almost everything else up there was risqué. The answer? They're rubes.

07Nov12:15

Chai said...

You guys are cruel.

07Nov12:43

Jess said...

I have the biggest fucking crush on Perishables George, I think I might burst a lust-aneurysm.

07Nov13:20

scaryasakitten said...

Just wait till you see the hardware section. Saw. Freddy. Screws. Anthony. and Nails. Suzanne.

07Nov13:21

ms fits said...

What's a rube, xmarkx?

07Nov13:59

Anonymous said...

http://www.answers.com/rubes&r=67

07Nov14:16

Anonymous said...

Hrefs are awesome,
Hrefs are fun,
Clicking on an href,
Is like a yummy fresh cream bun

<a> is your friend people

07Nov14:21

ms fits said...

Dude, you and href's should get a room.

07Nov14:33

Href said...

HMMMPH!

I'll have you know I'm saving myself - and thus hotel room booking - until marriage. I'm a good Catholic code, waiting for someone to HTML their way into my heart the old-fashioned way.

07Nov14:34

Anonymous said...

Leave href's should out of this - a room with href alone would be sufficient for me. Mmmm... *drools with asterisks*

*
*
*
*

07Nov14:41

entities said...

Yeah, woo! Pump that & to 11 bad boy!

07Nov14:45

Anonymous said...

[a] is your friend people

07Nov14:54

ms fits said...

What a charming picture, Anon. Did you make it yourself?

07Nov15:10

Litahnee said...

Didn't anybody notice Delicatessen Dom?
You can't have a sex-mart without someone packing the smallgoods.

07Nov15:17

Adam 1.0 said...

Produce Adam is a legend.

07Nov15:27

ms fits said...

Delicatessen Don is suffering the further humiliation of having his 'department' spelled incorrectly.

07Nov16:14

Rebekka said...

Is Don. Is good.

07Nov16:33

Litahnee said...

Is Liquor Jason a command?

07Nov16:41

BEVIS said...

This is great!

I'm going to start up my own business so I can put pictures of my staff up on the wall to give the impression that I'm giving them allocades when in fact I'm trying to secretly humiliate and belittle them! With that attitude, I might get a job as a manager where I already work!

PS - Don't misread the above phrase "so I can put pictures of my staff up on the wall". Thank you.

PPS - I wish I worked in the section where they sold the incontinent products. "Incontinent - BEVIS". Has a nice ... er ... ring to it, don't you think?

07Nov17:11

thr said...

good luck to the folk in the fertilizer dept at Bunnings:
Manure:
thomasr

and there's:
Misc Plumbing:
thomasr

07Nov17:46

kranki said...

Welcome to Fuck-Mart! May I bag your goods? Thank you. Come again.

People. What about Long Life Cameron? It's all about staying power. I notice Express Burt didn't make the cut.

07Nov18:52

brokenleg said...

Is it just me or is Perishables George an older version of Harry Potter? And I swear Meat Cheryl a carbon copy of Shop Assistant Prue in Kath and Kim?

07Nov20:17

sheriff of nothing said...

hysterical - not only do they have some funky pictures but HELLO what is with that...

07Nov23:38

MelbourneGirl said...

oh bevis, lucky you said about not misreading. i was just going to ask whether the staff pics would be in colour, wide angle lens, closeup, etc.

i'm disgusting even myself here.

sorry all.

what about... wrapper 50c

[so, so weak]

08Nov00:46

Russell Allen said...

Correct spelling is passe. Especially at Bi-Lo.

08Nov09:54

Yubris said...

All this talk of hrefs, cream buns and entities gives me a craving for Beef Panties.

08Nov12:28

BEVIS said...

Well it would, wouldn't it.

Steer clear of the Beef Jerky variety, though. You don't know WHAT'S gone on in them back at the factory.

09Nov02:25

Anonymous said...