Friday q and a #58.
I am drugged to the gills after Tuesday's foot operation as I keep waking up in the middle of the night and tripping over dogs (1. not a metaphor, 2. all part and parcel of my recent idiocy) and then taking painkillers which do send me in to a blissfully nocturnal dreamy haze but tend to result in my brain being encased in chorizo the next morning.
If my tangents veer off into doped-up ramblings I apologise in advance. For now let's just get on with Friday questions and aim for the stars.
Adam said...
Good afternoon young lady,
A friend of ours recently got married to a dude she met because of his blog. Is this a regular occurance and if so, should we be concerned? Will blogger be arranging marriages instead of parents/drunken friends/me?
Enjoy your bath.
Thanks,
Adam.
I don't know if it's a regular occurrence, but it's certainly an exciting one. Was your friend initially a commenter on her fiancee's blog, leaving come-hither PLEASE NOTICE ME AND FALL IN LOVE YOU MASSIVE EMO SPUNK-type wordings? Does this mean I'll soon be wooed by a rather insistent Friday questioner? Is it you? Shall we work towards an Autumnal exchange of vows as I wear burnt hues quite well?
I really don't mind the idea of people falling in love via an exchange of writing and ideas. As someone who exists very much inside my own head, I will always respond to the jotted-down musings of another. And if they happen to share those musings on a daily basis via easy-to-use blogger software then all the better.
sublime-ation said...
Sorry, I got distracted, I forgot to say, for your sign to stop the constant drop-ins, you could get one like my mother's which says 'Writer at Work', which is really code for 'I know I am home but I am a writer and work at home and don't have time to sit around having endless cups of tea with you while you complain about the council rates and your gout'.
That way no one can cast dispersions on your character.
Do you really think 'Writer At Work' is a good sign to stick on a door in the heart of Shameless territory? Won't I have b-list characters from Irvine Welsh novels banging at 4am high on goozle wanting me to take down their life story and make them a famous junkie like Pete Doherty?
Perhaps I should open it up to the forum. Anyone who can figure out a modestly appropriate sign to attach to my new front door which a) deters shady types from wishing to enter and steal my stereo whilst b) letting my friends know I am either 'available for squeezings' or 'wishing to be left alone eating muesli at 5am and writing a book about dating' wins something very exciting that I will invent in the next week or so.
Anonymous said...
G'day Fits,
Yes I am persistently pursuing the Bob Brown cushion like a... um cushion hunting aadvark. A number of questions arise:
Should I still be harassing you or is there another tree to bark up given info@polichicks is out of action? Do these cushions still exist? Is it too late to give my sister an engagement present (oh yes and her fiance' too) seeing as though they announced their engagement in December? Does announced have two n's or one? Are you as sick as I am of Australians spelling arse as "ass"? You moved to Collingwood to apease Eddie McGuire didn't you? What is the capital of Sierra Leone? Oops too much caffeine sorry.
A number of questions are answered:
1. No no, feel free to harass me. I am inherently lazy, but I'll come good eventually. Just email abuse until I capitulate.
2. It's never too late for presents, Anon. I love those birthday ones you get seven months after turning 30 and all of a sudden you feel a bit special all over again and look around expectantly for cake.
3. Is that a trick question? The word 'announced' has three n's.
*narrows eyes suspiciously*
4. I don't mind the occasional lapsing into 'ass', to be honest. I would rather say that someone 'acted the ass' as I would be specifically referring to donkey-like fuckhead behaviour, though the all-purpose 'assclown' is quite enjoyable when used with restraint also.
5. Yes. Yes I did.
6. The capital of Sierra Leone is Freetown.
Tim said...
I have been sad this week as on 12th Feb I was asked to remove the photos from the Absinth Club from my website at least for the time being, I worked on them so hard too.
Why do new pub owners think they're so good doing up scruffy pubs? Do you know how long it takes to find a good wreched hive of scum and villany these days? The Espy is 95% of the way to become a yuppie wine bar and needs a plane to crash into the apartment block behind it (as depicted on the I Spit on Your Gravy record.) Do the yuppie wine bar owners realise when ALL the scruffy pubs turn into wine bars, then the former partons will start bursting through the doors?
Yeah, the Espy is kind of dead to me now which is sad as I vividly remember swanning through the doors as a tarted-up fifteen year old and making nice with the moustachioed bouncer from Bojangles in order to sit in the gaffer-taped booths with members of The Sharp. There are still plenty of 'wretched hives of scum and villainy' (nice) around if you know where to look, Tim. The Leinster Arms in Collingwood is eight parts of fucked up and Chopper drinks there and the milk bar around the corner sells his nuts.
Me: Wait, Chopper has his own brand of nuts now?
Gen: Yep.
Me: Salted?
Gen: All kinds.
Me: Nice.
Gen: My favourite things about it is that the owners of the milk bar are too scared to stock any other brands of nuts. So it's Chopper or nothing.
BEVIS said...
*sighs heavily*
Ms Fits, as much as I appreciate you correcting people on the mispronunciation of my name (and I truly do, for it vexes me mightily when people think BEVIS should be pronounced as 'Beavis', even if it's my good pal I'm Not Craig), I must say I'm a bit disappointed that my (frankly) HILARIOUS joke about Armadale Station was lost on you (and possibly many of your readers) because it was rudely yanked out of time and space by a whole extra week from the date it was written.
It was meant to flow on from the comment 'Curious' made two weeks ago now (three by the time you answer this next Friday, I suppose), which I quote in part thusly:
Curious said...
A couple of weeks ago on this blog there were two girls who apparently live together, yet chose this comments section as the medium for a painfully self-conscious, public conversation. The whole exercise was designed (whether consciously or not)to promote their profiles and to appear to be popular. In doing so they were asserting some kind of ownership of the blog. I think (am interested in other people's opinions too).
(I say "painfully self conscious" because their conversation mostly involved the housemates' "pillow fights in shorty nighty" inuendo, which reminded me of that faux bi sexuality that insecure teenage girls sometimes feign to titilate boys at Armadale Station, and the fact that both were trying to mimic Ms Fits' style.)
Are they "single white females", or are they genuinely engaging in an online community etc and so forth?
And so, my comment about having just returned from Armadale Station and having waited there in vain for four days, looking for some lesbonic action, was both charming and entirely un-strained.
Yes, you heard me. Un-strained.
Okay, so you 'read' me, not 'heard' me. But the point remains.
Um ... what was the point, again?
Oh yes. Because you split the Answers part of last week's Q&A (two weeks' ago by the time you blah blah blah), my comment on its own made no sense.
I can't believe I'm still typing this explanation. I'm sure you'll have better things to do than include it all in next week's Answers. At least I hope so.
Anyhoo. In closing, I would like to say that I do not blame you for having to split the Q&A when you did (you have a life too, after all), and I bear you no grudges. I appreciate all the work you put into these massive Friday posts, and we should all be very grateful and accommodating and polite and forgiving and understanding and nude and well-mannered to you for your efforts.
But PLEASE: Let's try to look for a little context next time, huh?
PS - The next person to refer to me as Beavis will henceforth be known as Butt-Head.
PPS - I am not averse to having my blogger name rhymed with the word 'crevice'. I rather think it has very good limerick potential.
I did realise in hindsight, Bevis. I apologise profusely for not fully acknowledging your wit and charm. Let's never fight again.
Rustique said...
Front page of The Age Saturday (don't worry I'm sure any A2 articles you wrote were fair and even handed) but Nick Minchin's comments What. The. Fuck. Forget the bit that makes me worry Australian schools may be just one step away from teaching creationism (i.e. saying that humans might not be causing global warming [WTF?]) but I'm more bemused about the bit that says "We get attacked for this, but scepticism is one of the all time great Australian attributes."
Hear that folks, if you're not a global warming sceptic then you are un-Australian - off to Nauru with you.
Oh yes a Friday Q&A question: do you think Malcolm Turnbull (as environment minister) would be in anyway embarrassed by Minchin's comments?
A completely unrelated but less letter to the editor-ish question: Is it sad that I did not know that :) meant smiley face despite having seen many in my time? I thought they were some sort of HTML script gone wrong, or maybe I was just being sceptical (Aussie, Aussie, Aussie - oi, oi, oi *crushes beer can on head*)
Yeah, I saw that thing about scepticism too. Then for Costello to chime in with his 'dual citizens should support what Australia stands for including the rule of law, rights of others and tolerance (p.s. kiss the flag, fucko)' was just astounding. Aren't we living in a healthy political environment at present?
Speaking of which, I don't think Malcolm Turnbull gets embarrassed by anything, ever. When I had the pleasure of his company for a few hours he insisted on openly and loudly belching and seemed utterly unperturbed by the nearby wrinkling of noses and bemused expressions. The man obviously has enough moxie to shout about the republic and push himself for preselection and go head to head with Peter Garrett and it is my opinion that he feels no qualms about matters that may make the rest of us blush and thusly he'll probably carve an entirely successful career in politics.
re: Your lack of :) knowledge, no. It's not sad at all. I saw one yesterday which was a sideways man wearing a trucker's cap and crying d;( and it made me want to cut off my fingers with a rusty knife just in case I ever accidentally touched those particular buttons on the keyboard and made a similar attempt at emoting.
k-scope said...
Hey Ms Fits,
Long time reader, second time poster. I thought seeing as my "fucked it with its pants and a deep sea divers suit on' line tickled you so that I'd come out of the anonymous cold so to speak, give myself a name.
I do hope the line comes out a treat when you open up the verbal quiver and shoot the linguistic arrow straight and true.
For my part I promise to drop a blogside line more often, and look to be somewhere near near the entertaining section of the information super Venn diagram.
You mentioned a stop/go sigh on the front door. Why not take it a step further and get a council worker to do a little lollipop work at your front door. Rather than just Stop or Go on each side of the sign you could modify it a little - Frances Farmer/Greta Garbo, Gagging/PMT, Yin/Yang...
I like you very much, k-scope. You have a cunning way with words.
p.s. This is officially the third entry in the 'J'Adoor' RYWHM competition. Game on, molls.
p.p.s. Are you suggesting I actually employ a nice man in an orange safety vest to stand outside my door and deter visitors according to my ever-changing mood? Does that not seem a little excecssive?
The Last Scientician said...
Hey, I clearly asked a question last week. And yes, when I wrote "from off of" I was being IRONICAL. As I was just then, too, also.
Meh, I mostly don't pick on grammatical stuff online, unless it's chronic. But that's something that's hard to keep track of when people post anonymously like they often do here.
Anyway, about that, do you worry that future generations are really going to be ill-spoken, and unintelligible in writing as a result of the daily corruption of the language, and its acceptance? Or is it dull background interference through which the signal of proper English will radiate?
I've been tending toward the latter conclusion myself. I hope that my disdain for the LOLOCAUST bizarreness of teh internetz, and the OMG WTF of textspeak is no different to the wowsers of the Fifties (or any equivalent time period) and their objection to cultural phenomena.
I'm just getting old, I guess. One day at a time.
I do worry about the dumbing down of language via textspeak, yes. Though I firmly believe if 'the children' are reading books then they're teaching themselves to spell regardless and shouldn't be overly harangued for trying to fit in with WAT R U WARING 2NITE-type moronic peers.
More books, more books, more books. It's the answer to pretty much every question ever asked throughout time (excepting of course the age-old mystery 'How can you tell when a Smurf has suffocated?').
richardwatts said...
"I'm quite happy spending the last of my bucks on oysters and white wine and sitting in the park wondering aloud how the fuck I'm going to pay my rent. If you wish to join me on this hedonistic slippery slope you're more than welcome."
I'm so glad to know I'm not the only person in the world for whom reckless decadence and impractical extravagence is second nature...
Now for a question. Which is your favourite Melbourne park, Fitz? I enjoy the Fitzroy Gardens for leaf-kicking in autumn, but don't think you can beat the Botanic Gardens as a setting for picnics. Your thoughts?
Do the Wombat Hill Gardens in Daylesford count or are they too far away? If so, I find it very difficult to go past the local Edinburgh Gardens as it is always filled with attractive young people playing frisbee and drinking Strongbow cider or whatever it is twentysomething Fitzroyals do these days and if it weren't for the firetwirlers I'd probably move there permanently.
zzymurgy said...
Dear Ms Fits,
Polichicks.org will soon be expiring. Will you be letting it lapse?
Is there still a St Bob cushion I can purchase (for an artificially inflated price now that they are a collector's item)?
Do you think Bob Ellis is related to Kate Ellis or Liz Ellis? Which of those people are pompous (k)nobjockeys? I've never gotten along with Kate Ellis as she hardly represents the left of politics, and I don't like Liz Ellis anymore since she started doing those Nestle ads. Does this make them pompous (k)nobjockeys, or just people I'm not a fan of?
1. I am in discussions with my 'web man' about whether it is worth our while renewing. Why, are you interested in a corporate takeover bid?
2. See question #3.
3. Neither. He is married to Anne Brooksbank, though.
4. I really wouldn't feel it fair to pass judgement about their (k)nobjockey status, zzymurgy. It takes a special kind of someone to earn the title 'pompous (k)nobjockey', and both Kate and Liz Ellis seem fairly inoffensive personality wise. Pretty much if it walks like a pompous (k)nobjockey and talks like a pompous (k)nobjockey then it's likely to be Stan Zemanek and you must back away immediately lest you become poisoned with inane filth-talk.
Hellglitter said...
Dearest Dollfits,
A quick question prompted by some pompous knobjockeys (I do love that phrase) on Radio National. It was one of those post modern art conversations that leads listeners through the bracken of someone else's bellybutton.
Has art ever changed your life, and I don't mean sleeping with artists (musicians included)? My life has been changed by sleeping with dancers but not dance, so in my case that doesn't count either.
But has there ever been a play, song, painting, sculpture of toothpaste resonant with meaning, or any arty thing that has turned you around and faced you in a new direction?
PS: I was formally pseudonymally ( I know there is no such word - BUT I DON'T CARE) known as Nio Morton but I am so much more comfortable with the long-lasting Hellglitter. Don't know why I ever changed.
That's a lovely question, Hellglitter (nee Morton).
I don't doubt plenty of art has made me tilt my head to the side and reconsider my raison d'etre, but it's difficult to pinpoint one exact moment or 'thing' which poleaxed me to the point of shaving my head and joining the Freemasons. Songs are always leading my mind and heart in new and giddy directions, though it's impossible to choose just one.
The work of Ron Mueck fairly makes me breathless, and the graphic novels of Aline Kominsky Crumb and Ivan Brunetti open my eyes to an entirely new way of telling brutally and viciously honest stories with utter courage and conviction.
As discussed on here many times, the incisive prose of Bob Ellis flips me sideways and provokes my mind.
It all seems to go back to books, you know.
Hellglitter said...
Terrible Beavis limerick follows.
Change channels if you are offended by crude use of rhyme and sad sci-fi references.
There once was a boy named Beavis
that Miss Fits thinks is as sexy as Zev is
But you have to watch Lexx
To get this kind of sex
Or this rhyme is as dead as Big Kev is
There you go. Now poetry has changed my life as well. How immensely satisfying.
Bevis, however, feels differently:
BEVIS said...
Hellglitter, I love your work, but you confuse me.
Did you not see the difference between 'Beavis' and 'BEVIS', as pointed out by our esteemed host?
Your limerick would work using my actual Blogger name, not the name of the MTV character. The way you've written your limerick, it doesn't actually rhyme any better than I'm Not Craig's doomed-but-spirited attempt does.
Perhaps you're vying for facetiousness, but either way, It's "Ms Fits", not "Miss Fits".
I hope I haven't rained on your parade too much. I honestly wasn't trying to. :)
p.s. However, the second line of your limerick is spot on. She sure does.
I suppose you're right, Bevis. But honestly. How often does one have a poem dedicated to their name, misspelled or not? I suggest you just sit back like a naked muse with a nice necklace and enjoy the attention while it lasts.
Hellglitter said...
Hi Bevis,
The funny thing about the mis-spelling is that I kept thinking about your bloody Butthead comment. That put Beavis in my mind (....don't want to be called a butthead...don't want to be called a butthead), to the point that when I banged out the Limerick - rather too quickly I might add - that the damn mispelling mirrored off Butthead, while I was concentrating on Big Kev.
Sigh...
- oops we're holding one of those annoying conversations aren't we -
Sorry Dollfits.
But wait, there is a question to come too. Can we listen to your radio prog online in Sydney? Where do we go?
You can indeed, though I wouldn't recommend it as it's two hours of rather gratuitous swearing. There are other, more highbrow shows on the grid - head to Triple R's website and follow the links to live streaming and you'll be immersed in community radio heaven for as long as you so desire and I would recommend doing so immediately as it favours you in the eyes of Jesus.
L.B. said...
Did you end up meeting Mia Timpano? Is there a more attractive woman anywhere? I pray - PRAY - that she is famous one day, for the good of us all.
1. I did indeed meet the magnificent Mia Timpano and we have a second date tomorrow night. Am I not the luckiest blogger in town?
2. No, L.B. No there is not. She wears 60's eyeliner and has wild hair and a razor sharp wit and I am planning on stalking her until she agrees to be my BFF.
3. Oh, she will be. Have no fear.
W said...
Dear Ms. Fits,
Oh my. You do make me laugh. And admire you endlessly.
Plus : "Do your worst, fuckheads. I have cashews and I get to work in my underpants if I want." Can I be you when I grow up?
Not my real question. BUT. I would not say no. I am a semi-frequent visitor to Melbourne, and while I can find my way from my office to the hotel I'd rather be able to explore the great parts of Melbourne (Room service ain't it).
Can you suggest some fun, easily accessible (from the CBD) restuarants that a girl with a book won't be looked askance upon in?
a) Yes, of course. If all you're after is nut-chewing and knicker-wearing it's really not as difficult being me as it looks. Just grow old and wear children's clothes. Simple.
b) There are plenty of places a lovely bookish girl can go squirrel herself away in a corner, W. For beautiful food and warm wooden tables and general blissfulness all day long try the European. People-watch upstairs at Young and Jackson's. Have an enormous cheese platter all to yourself at Sahara and sigh over the handsome students playing chess in the windows. Lastly but not leastingly get thee to Cookie and enjoy the overtly attractive bar staff.
Enjoy. And if you see me, send a secret smile my way.
The Happy Revolutionary said...
Is Melbourne better than Sydney (culturally), and, if so, why?
Goodness, I don't know. I'd say they excel in different areas, wouldn't you? Obviously I'm quite attached to Melbourne as it is my home town and I am constantly astounded and thrilled that I can see high quality live music any day of the week if I choose and no-one will stop me NOT EVEN MY MOTHER. I love the buildings of Sydney and its sense of history and
la nadine said...
i have had a crush on the boy from teenager since i was a teenager myself.
so if you gots issues, i gots em too, m'lady.
wanna start a club?
We could do that, I guess. Or I could just employ my usual technique of inviting him as a guest on my radio show and pouncing upon him at the end of the interview. DON'T KNOCK IT TIL YOU'VE TRIED IT, FOLKS.
catbrain said...
Good afternoon, Ms F -
Thanks so much for the link to 'Lemon Incest'. After getting over the initial shock, I was relieved to see that SG was really quite careful about it - I don't think he actually touched her face when he was pretending to nuzzle/kiss. I love that they did this because it is so startling (perhaps not to the French).
I have 2 questions today:
1. Given that you mention Bob Ellis (the dog) regularly on your blog and your affection for her, were you surprised when people suggested you move to a pet-free household? (This question kind of follows on from the discussion last week of how readers assume they know you because of your writing.)
2. If the idea was just so sweet, would you ever consider committing a literary hoax, or is that completely out of bounds? (I'm sure there's some smartarse right wing cunt out there who thinks you're already doing that, but they can get fucked. To put it bluntly.)
PS: I'd much rather spend my last funds on pony rides and picnics in the park too, which is probably why I get in financial funks. Let's all eat all kinds of truffles together soon.
It is rather disturbing, is it not? God bless Serge and his incestuous leanings.
1. I was a little surprised, but touched nonetheless that people would even bother suggesting somewhere for me to live. I don't expect everyone to be au fait with how dog-obsessed I am - the fact that they even remember I exist on planet earth is a bit of a boon, to be honest.
2. Oh god, I would so definitely get spectacularly busted if I were to attempt 'getting one over' the literary establishment. I can barely scratch myself without some keen-eyed Trixie Belden of a right-winger NUTTING OUT THE SCOOP so the idea that I could get away with constructing a false identity, releasing a novel, and working the media with a canny 'if only you pariahs knew' half-smile on my face without at least one buttmonkey dedicating a blog post to my undoing is just laughable.
It's nice to be paid so much attention, it really is. I'd probably be sad if they forgot about
Tim said...
In regards to my deleted question it was asking whether Malvern Central should be-renamed "MILF Central" as I have been shopping there on Monday mornings recently. See, it was nothing to fuss over.
Nothing to fuss over at all. I wonder why or how it was deleted? Surely people have said more offensive things on this blog.
Not me obviously; I am buttery sweet and innocent as a newborn lamb.
Anonymous said...
"Do your worst, fuckheads. I have cashews and I get to work in my underpants if I want."
That little snippet certainly seems to have resonated, doesn't it?
You're a nut-loving bunch at heart, aren't you?
Anonymous said...
oops, sorry, i was going to make a ribald joke about how i would like to get to work in your underwear too, but i changed my mind, then i accidentally hit enter, stupid, but no malevolence enclosed...
Never retreat from ribald comments, Anon. I welcome them as it makes me feel less sordid and alone.
Dr Nic said...
a) I didn't say hi to Gabi. I could only imagine that "which of you is Gabi!? I read a blog and saw your name" might have made me look, you know, a dash socially retarded?
b) In terms of the "hush now", I imagine I'd be *very* offended if someone said it to me. But I'm not so dumb and annoying that anyone *needs* to. I can only imagine this chap is too daft to take it as an insult.
a) You mean you couldn't figure out that THE PREGNANT ONE MIGHT HAVE BEEN GABI? Honestly, Dr Nic. I thought you were on the ball.
b) Oh, I am dumb and annoying enough that I occasionally need to be told to hush now. I still find it mortally offensive, though.
DJKL said...
F to the I to the T to the S,
I think to properly comment and question this week I am going to have to employ roman numerals (lower case):
i) sublime-ation: three cheers to you for putting me onto fourfour and that ridiculously wonderful R&B monsterpiece. Gold-plated gold.
ii) I don't really watch Sully's gang on purpose. My lovely wife has a habit of surfing through the channels before sleepy time, and so we usually accidentally catch some of the Ten news AFTER deliberately watching excellent shows such as Shameless (what a cranking final episode that was).
iii) Anon asked about Rage last week, which reminded me of an idea I once had that the ABC should run a competition where you send in your playlist and they choose the best/weirdest to guest programme. That would be mint.
iv) Speaking of the ABC, now that you are an ABCelebrity (TM) does that mean that you might get asked to appear on Spicks and Specks?
Cheers
K to the L
OMFG I would happily stab one of my grandmothers* to be offered a go on Spicks and Specks. At the very least it would put paid to the notion that Myf Warhurst and I are the same person.
*both dead, so this is less tasteless than it seems. Or more, if you consider that I'd have to dig up their rotting corpses and poke away at what was left of their flesh with a pointy knife for the sole purpose of getting onto a pop quiz television show.
Oh dear, I really must stop eating tuna directly from the tin.
Anonymous said...
Hello there,
Do you know how Insight rated last Tuesday? It was a fair coup for Jenny Brockie (though probably somewaht prejudicial to Hicks' case) to have the prosecutor, the lawyer for the defence and Australia's Attorney General (Arsehole McArsehole) all on the same show.
Discuss.
I called the very nice publicity lady at SBS who told me Insight had a 201,000 average audience across the hour which is up from last year's first ep of 186,000. They all seemed very pleased by the results and particularly proud of the show, as well they should.
I do hope they have a repeat screening.
*writes to Anton Enus*
Anonymous said...
my boyfriend wants to have anal sex with me but i am not interested. he says that i am the only girl he has ever met who won't do it. to shut him up i said i would think about it and now he keeps texting me asking what my answer is. am i being too straight?
Oh dear, Anon. Of course you're not being too straight. You should only ever participate in sexual activities you are entirely comfortable with and if your idiot boyfriend attempts to pressure you into anything by saying you're the only girl he's ever met who won't 'do it' (a web of fucking lies, by the way) then you may feel free to call him a lowbrow fuckhead and request that he close the bedroom door on his way out.
I'm not the only one who feels this way, neither...
Anonymous said...
no, anon above. he's being an idiot. you don't have to do anything you don't want to, and he's pressuring you into something you're not comfortable with. it's not whether you're too straight or not - he's being a dick. tell him so. tell him i said so.
Yeah. TELL HIM WE ALL SAID SO.
Idiot boyfriend: So...are you gonna do it or not?
Anon: No, as it happens.
Idiot boyfriend: Why not?
Anon: Because you are a dick of the highest order, young man. And plenty of faceless blog commenters with upstanding morals support my case. So just you put that half-mongrel of yours away and cease darkening my doors lest I RELEASE THE HOUNDS (of the blog world).
More:
The Happy Revolutionary said...
Please, anon above, do not engage in anal sex. This is a serious moral issue, anal sex. It could lead to marriage.
Please, Ms Fits, more pokiticak content...
I'm presuming you've just had a fingerslip there as 'k' is right next to 'l' on the keyboard, but I rather liked 'pokiticak' as a new word and think it should be encouraged.
My 'pokiticak' content comes and goes according to my moods. Apologies, I never really want to set myself an agenda here in case I back myself into some flag-waving corner. Besides which, I also like writing about banging my head on things and awful tattoos. I'm quite complex like that.
Back to the business of butts:
Spike said...
Anon of the anal dilemma, tell him: okay, right after you bend over.
And we're done. Nice work, everybody.
alf said...
Hello. In an obtuse way you have inspired me to start reading books again, so thank you. I read some where that you were working on your first book. If true, how is that going? Is the process similar to what you said about writing for TV a few weeks ago or less structured? And who is your favourite poet and why?
Oh, that is very nice news. Thank you, Alf.
I have been working on a few book ideas over the last couple of years, although truth be told I have been gravitating towards the paying jobs in order to keep the wolves from the door and finding less time to sit and play with dreamy prose. It is most certainly a different process to writing for television (at the very least, television rewards with cash money) and slightly more confronting emotionally.
I don't really know a great deal of poetry, I'm afraid. I was quite obsessive about e.e.cummings when I was but a slip of a girl, as I suppose any awkward adolescent troubled by dark literary belly-storms is for a period of brooding months.
Woodsman said...
Could you please rank the Young Divas from your favourite to least favourite?
Further, if they were to have an all-in to the death scrag fight, who would win?
a)
1.
2.
3.
4.
b)
Look at her! Her mouth says 'Don't be afraid, children' but her eyes say 'Stop me before I kill again'.
BEVIS said...
I switched on the ABC on Sunday at the advice of a friend (thanks, Riss!), because Terry Pratchett was about to appear in an interview, and happened to catch the tail end (by which I literally mean less than a second) of a report that appeared to feature your lovely self in a big, scary-looking room.
No sooner did I think I'd seen your face and heard your voice, than it was gone - replaced by the smiling visage of Michael Veitch.
Hours and hours and hours of panic-frought online research (such as typing in the Sunday Arts web address) proved that I was not, in fact, going insane (although it leaves the door open to the possibility that you're very skillfully stalking me through my TV).
The item you presented sounds quite interesting, and I wanted to ask a baker's dozen of questions about it:
1) Is there any part of the Australian media where you DON'T have your finger dipped in someone else's pie?
2) Is there anything you CAN'T do?
3) Is the big, scary-looking room the state library or something?
4) Why does the site not include a full transcript of your piece, like it does for selected others shown?
5) Was it the fault of slacky producer Damian Estall?
6) How long did it take to prepare?
7) How long did it take to film?
8) How long did it take to edit together?
9) How long did it take to get home on the tram?
10) Have you ever met Michael Veitch in real life?
11) I have trouble watching him being serious. I keep expecting him to fart and giggle nasally like an annoying little gimp. Have you ever experienced a similar sensation when watching or speaking to him?
12) What do you have to say to all those people who read 'Backchat' in the Green Guide, watch ALL THE SHOWS on the ABC on which you appear, loved Last Man Standing, regularly visit this blog, and are fervently wishing for production to begin soon on The Henderson Kids III?
13) And will it be hurtful?
Goodness but you're a hindrance, young man. Here I am wanting to go out for dinner with Genevieve and Gabi and all. YOU'RE LUCKY I HAPPEN TO THINK YOU'RE CHARMED.
1) I'm not really involved in the porn industry or commercial radio, if that would suffice.
2) Cook. Or try my hand at anything particularly sporty.
3) Why, yes. Yes it is. It's the 'dome'.
4) I have utterly no idea. Possibly because I was making it up as I went along and any transcription of dialogue would sound like a confused talking monkey high on crack.
5) Don't call Damien Estall slacky! He is tall and could smite you like a wee bitch.
6) Not too long, as is probably obvious. They sent me the research which I absorbed and then regurgitated in my usual haphazard fashion.
7) About an hour.
8) A couple of weeks.
9) I drove my car and parked at Melbourne Central so am unable to answer this particular question.
10) Yes, quite a few times. He phoned me today, coincidentally.
11) No, I'm long past that.
12) I think they are wonderful and have impeccable taste and would rather like to buy them all a cocktail at Ginger.
13) No, because I am deep down a sweetheart.
Anonymous said...
Fits, you freakishly adorable oddball, you. How are we then?
The question i've been meaning to ask you for a week or so now, will no doubt seem "fucken weird!" to say the least. That is, now that 'Big Matt Stud' has asked something similar.
I can almost "see" you exclaiming out loud "The fuck! Why are all my readers little sad hornbags who've no control over their cocks!"
& so the question plaguing my mind is;
Is it odd that when you're making out with an attractive female (you've been seeing for a couple of weeks) & your dick decides to go a-wall?
I mean i'm fine with the hugging part but when we start the heavy kissing/petting, i cop the hardest erection & it's made me feel like a fucken nutjob lately because i've no idea if this happens to "ordinary" males or if i'm just frigid.
Also, should i try & hide it (i.e cover it with my forearm leaving me liable to sit like a fucktard) or should i just act casual & pretend it's "normal" (that's assuming it isn't)
Sorry for the extremely long question (essay) but it's just that i know you've made out with heaps of boys & if anyone knows a thing or two about the odd cock poking into their thigh/stomach when smooching, it's you.
Thanks again.
xoxoxoxoxox
Oh, aren't you a mixed bag of fun there with your lewd questions and interesting turn of phrase and rigid erections.
I don't at all see why you're trying to cover up 'Johnny Downstairs', Anon. If I am in the process of sticking my tongue in a boy's mouth and wildly thrashing it about like a washing machine on spin cycle, I'd feel it only a gratifying turn of events if he were to express his appreciation via a sturdy pants-stiffening. Is it not a desirable result for all concerned? Is it not better that a young lady's comeliness is to be given an enthused penile-based thumbs up than a limp nod of acknowledgement? Let your manhood share the love during a steamy makeout session. It's not like you're randomly springing erections at garden shows, for fuck's.
p.s. 'it's just that i know you've made out with heaps of boys & if anyone knows a thing or two about the odd cock poking into their thigh/stomach when smooching, it's you'. I will be sure to add this to my CV, thank you.
Cloudy said...
I've worked out when the federal election's going to be.
Step 1: Notice people on television and in newspapers saying the election will be late in the year because John is scared and knows how long the average swinging voters attention span is and multiplies that by 5.
Step 2: Employ cynicism/knowledge of past form - November 10 is in the middle of the Spring Carnival and the Saturday after the Melbourne Cup (sporty distraction), and the day before Remembrance Day (opportunity for patriotic displays that will look innocent to the gullible).
Step 3: Get another opinion by googling "when is the 2007 federal election likely to be." - This bloke has worked out it's likely to be in late October or early November.
Step 4: Well, that was all really.
Step 5: Consider suggesting to Ms Fits that, if she agrees, she change her Election Countdown accordingly to 263 days, according to this calendar calculator.
Step 6: Discover that this is the exact number Ms Fits already has in her countdown! (on Wednesday)
Is this an uncanny co-incidence? Or did you think about it and come to the same conclusion as me, you clever thing?
You should know by now that I try not to think about anything in too much detail, Cloudy. I made a guesstimate around the time of the last Federal debacle and took it from there. Imagine if I was right? ALL HAIL FITSTRADAMUS.
Steve Vizard said...
Is it true that Micheal Veitch is a 50 year old man living in a share house with young female students?
God, how would I know that? Besides which, wouldn't you have better information than me? What with that gay airline business and all.
p.s. Half his luck if he is.
BEVIS said...
I believe that when the most recent Anonymous above says "a-wall", they in fact mean "AWOL" (standing for "Absent Without Leave") and is perhaps a little young and/or inexperienced to be asking such questions in the first place.
He probably did mean AWOL, yes. But how do you know he's too young and/or inexperienced to be asking penis questions, Bevis? Who are we to judge, anyway? ASK YOUR PENIS QUESTIONS, CHILDREN*.
*except if you are under the age of consent, in which case you should probably go outside and play some mini-golf at once.
Ryan said...
Hi Ms, thanks for the music recommendations. Currently working through them.
As doyenne of this blog, and apparently an avid fan of YouTuberry, what do you think of this?
Most excellent, in my opinion. Makes me wish I had have spent more time do things like that with my Lego as a child, rtaher than trying to convince my brother to eat some to see what happened.
I like it very much also, although I must say the sight of a Lego 'booty bitch' in a g-string bending over and shaking her 'thing' at me disturbed somewhat.
Anonymous said...
Can we kill that cancerous fuck Cheney? Please!!! Just give the word. I'll take a CIA bullet...
But then he'd be a martyr, Anon. Besides which, the man has an unbelievably weak heart and has had plenty of surgery on his ticker. You'd pretty much just have to creep up behind him and shout BOO if you wanted him offed.
Anonymous said...
b) In terms of the "hush now", I imagine I'd be *very* offended if someone said it to me. But I'm not so dumb and annoying that anyone *needs* to. I can only imagine this chap is too daft to take it as an insult.
****
errr, yes. I called him naive yesterday and he asked me what that meant.
Oh, Anon. Is it really worth it? REALLY?
Unrelenting Tedium said...
Dear Ms Fitz,
I realise I may not my finger on the pulse so much these days but am I the only one who had never heard of Keith Urban before he got together with Nicole? Whenever I broach this subject with friends they say things like "oh, he's huge in the states" but I suspect this is a funny way of not admitting that they had never heard of him either. I only ask this because I notice he now sells out the Rod Laver Arena....which I am quite sure he wouldn't have a couple of years ago.
Can you help?
Actually, apparently he really was huge before he got together with our Nic - you and I are just particularly out of the loop when it comes to lightweight country music which I wouldn't be ashamed about as life is too fucking short to waste time getting involved in the high-denimed Yakult-drinking cousin of all that is good and decent about bluegrass. Obviously the recent star marriage and stint in rehab helped build up the profile, though who am I to cast doubt on such a solid-looking love affair.
Dan: They should replace that guitar with a giant bottle of Jack Daniels.
Me: Or a big line of coke.
Dan: Yeah, just have him reaching out for it...straining to get at it. Covered in sweat.
Me: I like where you're going with this.
Dan: I really should work in promo.
cuntman said...
I am testing your resolve here Fits...
Do you ever want to 'flip' the 'script' and fire questions at commenters for a change? Please give some examples
or
What's your least favourite Melbourne railway station. Mine's Aircraft (just past Laverton). I have alighted there just once and I want those 7 minutes back.
1. Oh, of course I do. But where would we be then? I'd like to ask blenny if she ever had her threeway, Statler and Waldorf how they know The Slapper Princess and if one of them is dating her, Not Lara Bingle what his 'story' is, who the hell the Anon was who had 'spent time' at my house and if that was a metaphor or not...there's a thousand of them. Perhaps one day soon I'll line up questions for you lot on a Thursday and demand answers on my desk by close of business Friday. THEN WE'LL SEE WHO'S FUCKING CLICKING REFRESH.
2. Probably East Richmond because no train ever stops there and I feel desperately sad for it and want to listen to the Smiths whenever I go past, which isn't nice at all and makes me weep inside like an emo dorkus.
******************
To those I haven't answered, you will be first up on Friday 2nd. The cool change beckons, as does fine dining and watching spunks play at the Rob Roy Hotel. Tomorrow night Bob sets the East Brunswick on fire and I will do my best to think about something other than cardboard fucking boxes for all of half an hour as he weaves his magic.
This time next week I will be living in my new abode and probably quite startled by all the heady changes. Leave your comforting arm strokes of questions for then in the comments below and we can forge into the unknown together.
260 days til the next election.
Comments
re : your sign on the door which is getting momentum, but would she really put a sign on the door ? and wouldn't it be like a nice novelty, but it won't really happen... if it was to tho, i'd copy the george and other macciato infused joints with a blackboard and white chalk with a dynamic message... i'd go less political or topical than such mediums..
"Here. Knock" (for when u r out and ronald the burgler comes)
"Not Here." (when u r)
"I don't feel like it today."
"Derek, You are So Hot Right Now." (usual zoolander reference)
etc;) and to guy who didnt know smiley face, did u get the reverse
smiley face and :D's + :P's
has be(a)vis gone glen close ?
"calm down beavis. you're going to soil your drawers." to quote a google search i was doing...
I reckon that was Rikki Lee's butt with the tattoo. Or is that just my fantasy?
Gold, Ms Fits - PURE GOLD!
I shall respond properly when I have more time, but for now, I wanted to answer RedBarren's comment, two above:
Yes.
Also, you may know me better as 'Paul Robinson' in another nook and cranny of this big brown land we call The Internet.
Remember me yelling out about winning an iPod the other week in Ms Fits' Friday Q&A??
Wow, huh. Small world, etc.
hehe 2gig nanolicious robbo. erinsdale will never be the same.
the sign on your door should say:
"i want to be sure because, you know, sometimes words have two meanings."
when you're out, and:
"Hear, hare here." when you're in.
you know i'm right, fitsticuffs.
r
Sorry to bring so much geekery into the comments here, but I'd really recommend you don't let polichicks.org expire. It will get snapped up automatically by one of the groups using 'domain parking' to make money through ads, and is unlikely to be retrievable for 'regular' use again. It is such a great name that I would really hate to see that happen.
You can renew the domain name without keeping the website itself up. You can also transfer it to someone else.
- Amy (who would love to have that domain name, being as I'm both a chick and political.. and also kind of a domain name junkie)
Would I be more likely to get my book published if I were dead?
And/or if I looked like Samantha Brett?
I am thinking of quitting EVERYTHING around Easter and focusing on band management and/or kitchen duties. Thoughts?
What the fuck is Britney doing?
http://x17online.com/celebrities/britney_spears/x17_xclusive_britney_rages.php
Threating suicide is a horrible thing to do to the people who love you.
The Lego booty bitch was, in fact, readily available to young children as Princess Leia ca. Return of the Jedi in their skillfully marketed Star Wars range. The release of this range sounded like the Death rattle of good old imagination stimulating Lego.
Also, I hope you are aware you were tricked into quoting Star Wars in a post last week regarding the Espy. Beware. The nerds are always watching.
Another shame-faced admission of not understanding the internerd shorthandery. It is only recently that I discovered that 'lol' did NOT mean 'lots of love'. But it was a nice delusion while it lasted.
*sigh*
Am I too tragic for words?
Ms Fits,
In two weeks I'm visiting Melbourne for the very first time.
I live in a small country town and obviously want to appear as if i'm not suffering from social retardation whilst staring at 'the big city' and taking in the sights and sounds as I will be doing the tourist thing with a rather well travelled gentleman.
Do you have any advice on what to expect? and also what the hell do I pack as far as clothing goes? I'm assuming my flip flops and cardigans may be a little unfashionable?
Thank you ever so much x
bevis, you are most welcome to the notification of the Pratchett interview and I am quite glad that you managed to catch the end of ms fits segment on the telly. I will add ms fits to the list of people I will now text you about just in case you are in the middle of some other business, like changing Sweetums' nappy, and not glued to the small screen.
A question for ms fits:
What are your top picks for the Melbourne Comedy Festival? I have a few favourites but I would like to hear about yours as I am sure that any descriptions would be as witty and hilarious as the performers themselves.
i was at the state library yesterday and witnessed a hopeful boy sidle up to a girl reading on the steps with the line "...so are you one of those literary types?"
we hovered nearby in the hope that this genius may just pick up, but he got the friendly brush off...
SO, are you a literary type?
And where to from there?
Hey sugartits-ms-fits,
I have so many questions, but I'll try and keep it limited to just the one:
Did you know you have competition? http://redacted.blogspot.com
And as a subsection, do you suppose he's coming here and asking you questions, under false names? Not that anybody would do such a thing.
"ASK YOUR PENIS QUESTIONS, CHILDREN."
Oh alright, if you insist.
Cut or uncut - which do you prefer?
I made my loved one a mix tape for Valentine's Day (mostly because I am a soppy sod but also because I got a little bit caught up in how clever and retro I was to have thought of the idea all on my own etc.) and it got me to thinking. Considering you are probably the most-worshipped person I don't actually know but have some sort of contact with, I'm certain you must have received BUCKETS of mix-tapes throughout the whirlwind of romance, music and snappy comebacks that is your life (it IS exactly like that and I will hear nothing to the contrary), so I thought I'd ask your expert opinion:
What do you think is the number one mix-tape song?
Okay, let's broaden that, I am greedy - what is your favourite song to be included on a mix-tape, and what do you think the most popular song would be?
Thank you!
Hiya Fits,
Did you see Kate Miller-Heidke on Rockwiz last Saturday?
Previously unknown to me, Kate was a real crowd-pleaser with both her solo tune and her duet with Paul Dempsey.
Performing with great confidence, she appeared to be an amalgam of Tom Lehrer and Kate Bush.
Further, she pulled off the "small woman in child's clothing" persona with a familiar kind of awkward elegance. I hope you have that look patented, Fitsy.
Painfree.
hi Ms Fits
did you know that the afrikaans word for shit is kak. which makes the happy revolutionary's "politicak" a very fantastic term
xxx
Dear Dollfits,
That was the bestest Friday Q&A ever! I'm very interested in what responses Hellglitter's art inquiry will elicit.
I am a little excitied about the RRR stream for tomorrow (Tuesday)night too. I'm sure it will a funny 2 hours of profanity.
Very much looking forward to Sahara next time I am in Melbourne. You did say chess, didn't you?
Oh and lastly, the ranking of the Divas somehow reminded me of Murder, Marry, Fight, Fuck. Its been a while hasn't it?
Anon from the small country town who does not suffer from social retardation… cardigans and flip flops would probably be exactly the thing to wear if you were planning on spending your days north of the river. Provided you have eccentric hair and really f'ing OWN those thongs and cardigans.
a) You mean you couldn't figure out that THE PREGNANT ONE MIGHT HAVE BEEN GABI? Honestly, Dr Nic. I thought you were on the ball.
After having watched two (2) people assume someone was pregnant and make comments regarding said pregnancy and turn out to be terribly, terribly wrong, I have made the decision to only ever presume someone I don't know is pregnant when I am watching a baby come out of them. That's it. Everything else can lead to less-than-hilarious-hijinks-and-crying.
I made you a mixtape once. I believe it had Kylie on it AND YOU WERE NOT PLEASED.
Re your sign on door: Maybe two pictures of belly buttons? An innie and an outtie? If you are really talented, you could take plaster casts of particularly fine examples of both, and use those?
(I don't understand why I used so may question marks there, perhaps it is an 'strayan value to do so)
when you open up the verbal quiver and shoot the linguistic arrow straight and true.
Uugh. Really?
< Shudders >
Howdy Ms Fits,
all this talk of stiff penises and talking to them got me thinking... which led to a startling realisation... or at least a delightful "word nerd" moment.
ready?
stif 4 fits.
hows that for a palindrome!
I am a tragic, tragic individual. I got all excited by that and quickly wrote it down on a post-it so I wouldn't forget it.
A poorly (and might I add quickly) constructed poem for Bevis
There once was a lad named Bevis
whose buttcrack was more of a crevice.
till Fits bombed that cleft
and left us bereft
of that stunning young man named Bevis.
My entry for your J'aDoor Comp...
Use Authors... in keeping with your literary grouse-ness.
when not in the mood for visitors you put up "Dostoevsky" or some other depressing Russian.
when very much in the mood for silly shenanigans, or at the very least some form of rhyming (hopefully better than our efforts at rhyming Bevis) you put up "Dr. Seuss"
when really only wanting visits from men with lust filled pants you put up "Marquis De Sade"
and so forth and so on...
Looking forward to the Peaches interview on Tuesday!
Hope the new place is beginning to feel like a home.
Ms Fitz,
A question if I may?
Maxine McKew has announced today her intention to stand as The ALP candidate for the Federal seat of Bennelong in the coming October election. As Ms McKew has been on my GF3 list for some time, would a move to one of the suburbs of Sydney that falls within the aforementioned electorate - in the hope of being doorknocked (or more!) by the gorgeous Maxine - constitute a gross act of stalking that requires help, or can such actions be rationalised as me doing my bit to overthrow the evil Empire and restore peace and order to the Galaxy by helping the ALP to win one of the 16 seats required to form Government?
Any advice is appreciated.
Suave The Cat
in the interest of oversharing, i wanted you to know that the day came when i walked away from mr soul destroyer. it was remarkably easy/fuelled by tequila. this brings me to ponder if falling in love with a man completely unavailble/emotionally crippled/moronic beyond belief but great in the sack is every woman's right of passage? if so, this does not make me feel any less stupid for all the time wasetd/whithering stares from friends. maybe i should never sleep with anyone again, as clearly, i lose my mind. am i doomed, or will i grow out of it?
much obliged.
xx
So Miranda Panda was in one of my classes last year. I thought about getting one of those t-shirts to wear to class but I decided not to because it would be too mean.
But I go to the lecture today and she's in one of my classes again.
Two parter:
a) would it be too mean?
b) is it even possible to be too mean to Liberals?
Ms Fitz
Am I insufferably juvenile or is this ABC news headline funny?
"Midnight pegging expedition ruled unlawful"
http://www.abc.net.au/news/newsitems/200702/s1858298.htm
Ok, so everyone knows about that air hostess who slept with ralph fiennes.
My question - what's all the kerfuffle about?
If a smoking hot celebrity you had pined over offered you a jab in the airplane toilets, wouldn't most people go for it?
I mean, i wouldn't - i find it hard enough to pee in those things.
But wouldn't YOU?
P.S I DEFINITELY wouldn't for him.
Hello Msy, good to hear that the move is proceeding satisfactorily (I get the impression that many of your new neighbours are willing to help carry your items, although some of these will be whilst exiting the house, rather than moving them in).
Did you know that FTBC was mentioned in an article in the AFR on Thursday? There was no mention of you, but as I've gathered that you already have a vice-like grip over most of the nation's broadsheets, you may have been happy to let this one go.
Will you be participating in the forthcoming specials?
I also caught the end of your radio show.
You swore.
A lot.
As much as on here.
I thoroughly enjoyed it.
McDave, I love your limerick! Excellent!
"I did realise in hindsight, Bevis. I apologise profusely for not fully acknowledging your wit and charm. Let's never fight again."
Deal.
PS - We weren't fighting, and if you say we were, I'll take you out the back and bitchslap you 'til your ears bleed.
x
Jokes, sweetie.
"I suppose you're right, Bevis. But honestly. How often does one have a poem dedicated to their name, misspelled or not? I suggest you just sit back like a naked muse with a nice necklace and enjoy the attention while it lasts."
A superb point, and very handsomely made, if you don't mind my saying so. Forgives?
I humbly apologise for any ire that may have been read into my rather ungrateful line of questioning, Hellglitter.
"Goodness but you're a hindrance, young man. Here I am wanting to go out for dinner with Genevieve and Gabi and all. YOU'RE LUCKY I HAPPEN TO THINK YOU'RE CHARMED."
The feeling's mutual, I assure you. Apart from you being a hindrance and a young man ... and me wanting to go out for dinner with Genevieve and Gabi and all. Not that I don't think they're lovely people; it's just that I haven't met them, so pushing myself onto them (figurately speaking, of course) for a meal sounds a bit forward. (I'd be happy to do it literally, though.)
"1) I'm not really involved in the porn industry or commercial radio, if that would suffice."
Yes, it usually does. Thank you.
"4) I have utterly no idea. Possibly because I was making it up as I went along and any transcription of dialogue would sound like a confused talking monkey high on crack."
I've asked you before not to make fun of my speaking voice.
"5) Don't call Damien Estall slacky! He is tall and could smite you like a wee bitch."
Well that's hardly an accomplishment, is it! Janette Howard could smite me like a wee bitch on a bad hair day. I'm not exactly what you'd call "gifted in the biceptuals".
"9) I drove my car and parked at Melbourne Central so am unable to answer this particular question."
*cough* cop-out *cough*
"10) Yes, quite a few times. He phoned me today, coincidentally."
Nice of you to just casually throw that into conversation like so much chopped liver. "Oh yeah, I popped over to Branson's place in London the other day to drop off his washing - the silly Sir had left his knickers here last time he flew over on a Virgin!" What an exotic life you lead when someone like Michael Veitch just calls you up at random.
(Question for this week: Do you get invites to the Logies?)
(Alternate Question for this week: If not, are you able to go along as Michael Veitch's date? Do you think his female nymphomaniac housemates would mind?)
"11) No, I'm long past that."
Oooh! Well aren't WE the mature one, then!!
"13) No, because I am deep down a sweetheart."
Now that I can vouch for.
x
Question: What's your (honest, of course) opinion of Myf Warhurst?
And, separately, what's your (honest, of course) opinion of the name "Myf"? Do you think her parents hated her? And (prepare yourself for a Dad's Joke) do you think she was miffed about it as she grew up?
*applause*
*bows*
Thank you. I'll be performing at the Melbourne Comedy Festival. Hope to see you there.
When does "just one more question" become "one question too many"?
Was it about four questions ago?
Good afternoon, gorgeous (for I think that you are - is that too familiar?)
Can you think of a good mnemonic to remember the definition of 'verisimilitude'? Every time I encounter it I've forgotten what it means... I look it up again and think, "oh yes - of course - I'll remember that next time" and I promptly forget. It's like I have a blind spot and it's really starting to shit me. Any suggestions?
How do I make it stop hurting?
How am I supposed to react to someone who tells me my behaviour is not acceptable, but would think badly of me should I behave any differently?
I thought virtue was it's own reward, but I seem to be punished for doing the right thing.
Ah confusion, welcome back.
divine ms fitsalicious,
mention of Comedy Festival brings to mind those reader revelations a few months back about shenanigans with Daniel Kitson last year. i've seen previews of his new show in London recently and my general adoration of the man took a knock.
as i think you said at the time, he's a free and beautiful soul who can do as he pleases. except now the naked Scrabble opponents are said to be 'meaningless' and, at one show, 'despicable sluts'. hmmm. onstage persona, fair enough. i hope. though am inclined to opine "think it, don't say it, especially not on stage you cad".
so my questions are...
i) would any of the ladies in question feel as terrible on hearing this as i imagine they would?
ii) does this diminish the DK genius?
iii) are you / is anyone planning any rudies with visiting comedians this year? i'd consider doing my bit, but am overseas.
admiringly yours.
Comments are closed.