Friday q and a #66.
I can't believe I became Aunty Fits this week. All else really pales into insignificance when your best friend creates human life via her veedge. I will release myself unto that child with all the shrill hysteria of my Aunty Carole during a calisthenics meet.
Still, it can't hurt to answer a few questions in the interim and see where it gets us...
Anonymous said...
Patently not a Friday question...My favouritest books at the moment are Kerry Greenwood's Phryne Fisher series. No idea if you've ever read any, but whenever i read the adventures of the Hon. Miss Fisher, i am reminded of you.
I haven't read any of Miss Fisher's adventures, no. Why does she remind you of me? If I turn my attention to her will my life somehow collapse in on itself like the Matrix? I'm frightened, hold me.
Hellglitter said...
Dearest Dollfits,
I'm looking at kicking up a reader of the week Q&A following orders from above (the fellow who is just a fraction lower on the food chain than God).
I hate the damn things but I think I might have come up with a version that might keep me amused - and hopefully those reader thingies that pick up our paper.
The section is called My First Time and it has ten questions.
I thought I would test the proposal on you by asking you the questions.
Also, if the commenters in the world of Fitsorama can suggest other delightful "first time" questions my joy would know no bounds.
If you don't have time to answer this week, save it for #66. I'm relaxed about such things.
Okay here they are:
* What is your first memory?
* Do you remember your first day at school?
* What is the first record / CD / cassette you owned?
* Tell us about your first kiss?
* Who was your first crush?
* Who was your first girlfriend or boyfriend?
* What was your first job?
* What did you buy with your first pay packet?
* What was the first place you lived in like?
* What was your first car and what was it like?
PS. Where do I send the promised pics of The Chasers' Mr Rude Castle? They are here and waiting.
*If this turns up twice please delete the first version - that word veri thing is killing me*
Alright, but I'm a little confused. I'm supposed to be answering these, yes? And then it's someone else's turn? HALP MEH.
*What is your first memory?
Sitting by a swimming pool at night while both my parents smoked cigarettes. They are 'clean' now, thankfully.
*Do you remember your first day at school?
No, but the photos are twelve species of adorable. I CARRIED A WEE BRIEFCASE, FOR FUCK'S.
Also: disturbingly rocking the same hairstyle twenty-five years later.
* What is the first record / CD / cassette you owned?
Racey's Smash and Grab.
* Tell us about your first kiss?
Underwater with Jono Adams, who once loftily informed my father: 'You shit me right up my bottom, Alan.'
* Who was your first crush?
Scott Webster, Auburn South Primary School. He was a caramel-skinned scruff with cheekily flyaway hair who locked himself in his bedroom and refused to come out when I asked him on a date.
I still occasionally get this reaction from men, interestingly.
* Who was your first girlfriend or boyfriend?
You mean proper playing-at-grown-ups boyfriend? Probably Simon Bergagna, who I pined for during high school and later lived with in an incredible apartment on Fitzroy street. He was a feisty Italian graffiti artist who used to hang off the side of trams shouting at me, bless his tempestuous heart.
* What was your first job?
Barista/Waitress at Cafe on Collins, next door to the Athenaeum and now with some gaspingly wanked-up name.
* What did you buy with your first pay packet?
Probably speed, considering the idiotic state of my brain back then.
* What was the first place you lived in like?
I moved out of home when I was sixteen into a shitbox on Hoddle street. It was teeny-tiny and for some reason constantly littered with sodden towels. Obviously since we were the first of our mob to be living independently it was also filled with drunken teenagers passed out on the couch covered in posca pen swears.
* What was your first car and what was it like?
A yellow Mitsubishi Colt. Long before my van days.
*Where do I send the promised pics of The Chasers' Mr Rude Castle? They are here and waiting.
Wait, are they hard copy or email? Email here, post to Triple R c/o Holly C - PO Box 2145, Brunswick East 3057.
p.s. Don't think I didn't notice that this question is patently like a meme which until now I have resisted partaking in because I am a lone wolf who lives by nobody's rules.
Anonymous said...
to the gentleman asking about penis size:
in my (somewhat extensive)experience, it's something to do with the width rather than the length. i think is this because more 'sexy' nerve endings or whatever are located at the opening of the 'gina (according to my mum the nurse).
and i hate to use the cliche, but i've also discovered that technique makes up for A LOT. case in point - i once slept with a boy that had a third leg. it was MASSIVE. the downside was he thought all he had to do was stick it in and i'd go nuts. not so. it freakin' hurt and it was close to the worst shag i've had.
so yeah, there you go. hope i shed some light on the topic.
RYWHM Penis Community Noticeboard. My, we've come a long way together.
Daniellyn said...
Are you distraught upon hearing that Kurt Vonnegut has died, or perhaps slightly pleased considering your choice of bookclub book this month?
Of course I'm devastated about Kurt's passing, but yes - it will certainly give an edge to the Slaughterhouse 5 discussion. Is it wrong to even say that?
Incidentally I'm terrified that for some reason I had something to do with his death because I chose the book and obviously carry within me secret god-like bone-pointing powers so abandon hope all ye who enter and BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH etc.
Anonymous said...
who is the worst shag you've had?
WE. WANT. NAMES.
(look at all the boys and girls who hang around these parts scurrying away in fear that they'll be outed!)
(goodness me, but there's a lot of them.)
A lot of whom? Ex-lovers loitering around my blog? I'd be surprised Anon; I'm sure they've got better things to do with their time.
I've got two equal worst lays, thankfully both from years previous, and I don't really feel it's right to give their names since most people have figured out who I am in the real world and it hardly seems fair that a RYWHM commenter might march up to one of them at the Hi-Fi Bar and shout HAR HAR YOU STUCK IT IN MS FITS IN A HAPHAZARD FASHION before sauntering off with a smug expression.
Needless to say they were both one-offs and I take no responsibility for the poor quality of naked jousting.
Pixelesque said...
Aha - to Canberra, the lady rides.
But WHY?
I have been an occasional resident of our nation's capital over many years, and finally bought what is possibly the worst property in the universe (no, Richard Branson's futuristic dream of buying real estate on Luna does not count).
While I would adore sharing my foul experiences in living in an older house in DRASTIC need of renovation together with a boy who assured me that he was handy (turns out he doesn't know one end of a hammer from the other), I prefer to dwell upon an interesting opportunity for semi-fun that can only be found in Canberra.
We have many 'cultchered' institutions in this fair town, and I recently revisited one which is more known for attracting the kiddies, but can be rewarding for the young at heart - as long as you wear stout denim and a drip dry shirt (the sprogs that abound are not discriminating about who they drip upon).
I'm talking about the Questacon.
Other places that may prove mildly pleasing for you are either the Hippo Bar in what we jokingly refer to as our 'Civic Centre' or B-Bar in Kingston - finishing off at Lot 33.
Enjoy your stay.
Kat
I do hope you don't mind my editing your comment somewhat, Kat - it's only that I have about eight thousand billion questions to get through today and those less patient readers among us grow tetchy when forced to bend their scrolling finger overly. With regard to your recommendation: I drifted achingly close to the Questacon throughout my stay but was unable to venture in, sadly.
As to why: I was in Canberra for all of fifty or so hours exploring the seamy underbelly of the city's subculture whilst finding time to somewhat embarrassingly appear onstage with a ska band as previously mentioned elsewhere on the blog. I did manage to duck into the Phoenix Bar to be chatted up by a ponytailed restauranteur (not the sole reason for my visit, obviously) and almost pin down Ampersand Duck for blogging talk outside a noodle house, but after a 4am hot air balloon ride on Sunday it was time to depart homo to Melba and Our Nation's Capital now remains a distant memory.
Still. I ate some fucking spectacular whitebait*.
*Fries of the Ocean, discuss.
Anonymous said...
Canberra is the only place I've ever thrown up in the street.
Questions:
1) I really like beat poetry.
Does this make me pathetic?
2) If liking beat poetry is acceptable, can I get away with wearing a beret?
Ta.
1) I wouldn't say so, no. Although you do have to concur the form itself is inherently comedic. How is it possible to take someone seriously when they're banging on a tiny drum and shouting 'Free will you marry me fa so la ti party time in a bottle of beer belly button, button, who's got the button collection agency etc'? They're making a mockery of us, you know.
2) Only if you're sporting it at a rakish angle, young man or lady.
workingtheturkey said...
A mate of mine and I went to see John Mayer and Ben Kweller (Kweller - AWESOME)in Sydney last night. Fantastic show.
I observed 2 things which really shit me and I wanted to get a feel for your dickhead tolerance.
1. Before the show we had a beer at a nearby pub. My mate went to have a piss and whilst he was gone, I saw something that always annoys me. This guy struts in wearing a t-shirt with THE SLEEVES ROLLED UP a couple of times. Why would you do this ? Anyway, it's clear this nob enjoys his own appearance. My mate comes back and I point out the hilarity. He advises me at this point that "Oh, that's ****** from Home & away!". Now I'm not sure who is the biggest loser - old Home & Away hunk looking for admiration, or my mate who is up to speed with Home & Away..
2. During John Mayer (sublime guitar melodies) fuckwits in the cheap seats keep shouting "PLAY BODY IS A WONDERLAND" as if he is going to hear and then yes, decide to play it next. At the end of the show, the lights come up and no, that particular song is one of a few great songs that didn't make it on to the set list. Milling around afterwards all I can hear is "I can't believe he didn't play body is a wonderland. Ripped Off etc"
Now, in those circumstances, would you just have a little giggle to yourself or would you prefer to react a little more violently ?
I guess it would really depend on my mood, workingtheturkey. I can be the kindest most buddhistic of gig-goers; helping people ferry drinks through the crowd and offering those shorter* a vantage point at the front of the mob, making new friends in the toilet queue (WHY DO WOMEN INSIST ON DOING THIS) etc. However, if I'm for some reason hangry or overtired I can turn from genial pigtailed miss into Des Headland with discipline issues and I'm with you on the PLAY (INSERT HIGH-ROTATION CLASSIC HERE) thing. Be quiet and let the music wash over you, heathens.
*which, considering my pint-sized height, ends up being about 0.4 percent of the audience. Still, the thought counts.
Anonymous said...
ooh knicker shopping what fun! I might feel a little strange peering at the tv when book club is next on, trying to gauge undergarment size, so if you could help me out a little here ...? or anyone else who might happen to know?
*raises eyebrows*
Blenny
Grr WTF is wrong with word verification!!
10 or 12 works for me with underwear, if that's what you're asking. Do you really think you'd be unable to tell just by looking at me on tv? I can stand up and bend over during the next animated literary discussion if it would assist you.
Anonymous said...
kurt vonnegut is dead
how truly sad
he was one of THE great writers of that i am sure
and yes everyone who hasnt read slaughterhouse five should do so
but my question mainly was...
are you as dubious about the inherent conservatism of kevin rudds leadership as i ?
I am a little worried, yes. He's certainly making a grand play for the Templestowe belt, and currently pushing the Howardlier Than Thou theory to its fucking limit. I'll cop the occasional nods to toeing the line as necessary in order to claw our way into the nice office, but further veering into 'begone foul queue jumping reffos' territory and I think an urgent team meeting is in order.
Mick said...
Canberra!
Balloons this weekend? Although I am sure that is not your reason for visiting our fine town.
There's too much pron and fireworks to keep you busy.
I've lived here for 18 years and I think 20 is my limit, so I have 2 years to decide where to go.
I have an ex-wife, 3 kids and a sturdy IT career. Where do I go??
Yes! Balloons! And poffertjes! And Brown Brothers riesling!
All the delights Canberra had to offer, really.
If you're looking to shift your family interstate in a couple of years, may I suggest Wandiligong? They have a first-class pub and a nut festival. Do you really need any more than that? No, now stop being greedy and get the fang-slap out of the ACT at once.
elmo said...
orchestrating Kurt Vonnegut's death to boost the Book CLub ratings is a new low, Ms Fits. i am clearly dissapointed (and a little terrified.)
BUCKETS!! LOZL.
p.s. RIP Kurt, serious.
I DIDN'T DO IT OFFICER I SWEAR.
oh noes teh cops, etc.
Anonymous said...
Reading your Jeff Kennet anecdote got me to wondering - given Jeffrey's dislike for J.Howard - who do you think he would vote for in a federal election? Is it inappropriate that I have asked you to mention JFK?
P.S. Guess what the "F" stands for. Go on guess.
1. I think Jeffrey is a law unto himself. Whoever suits his evil plan at time of electing will no doubt win his vote and favour and his loyalty to the party o Libbers will no doubt be non-existent as he is a pompous ass.
My money's on Steve Fielding, quietly.
2. Quite appropriate. There are 'no no no no no no limits', if 2 Unlimited are to be believed.
3. Flinstone? Fandango? Farnham? Fuckwit McFuckheadington Fuckface Von Fuckhole?
p.s. Whilst doing some idle googling for this q I found a band named JFKFC which pleased me greatly.
Anonymous said...
Men asking women about penis size is just like women asking men if their bum looks big in a potential outfit.
Is there the same capacity for sudden violence, anon?
MelbourneGirl said...
what about vaginas? do men talk about the size of a girl's vadge? we women are very quick to waggle a pinky finger under a girlfriend's nose and be derisory about a man's penis size. and there seem to be as many complaints about humungous cocks as there are about weeny ones.
i guess it comes down to what fits, er fits?
I've asked a lot of male friends about the difference between pinhole-tight cock garages and the ol' 'throwing a sausage down a hallway' scenario. Apparently for the most part we're an average bunch downstairs, just like they are (bless), so if they're making gapingly crass circular finger mimes with their companions come barbecue time then they're really only referring to a select few among us.
And yes, perhaps each of us is striving to find our genital Jenga piece in the world.
sublime-ation said...
I am in London at the moment, and perusing the Time Out as you do (why does Melbourne not have a Time Out? question for another time), I have come across some wonderful sounding exhibitions here.
How do I convince my mother to go and see 'Cary Kwok: Ball point pen portraits of men's shoes and penises plus superheroes such as Superman and Spiderman at the point of ejaculation' and 'Pil and Galia Kollectiv: Video centred on a recent performance based on Waw Pierogi's interdisciplinary work 'Asparugus: A Cultural Ballet'?
Yes this is what it really says.
I think they must be investigated, if only for unpaid reviews on The Art Life, and most certainly for the purposes of the good folk at RYWHM, but she is reticent. As we are only here for a short time and do everything together, I am loathe to sneak off on my own. Also I think she would enjoy it once she got there. What should I do, bribe her with gallons of Pimms and walks across the Common?
What the hell is 'Ball point pen portraits of men's shoes and penises plus superheroes such as Superman and Spiderman at the point of ejaculation' exactly and is Cary Kwok single please? Your mother is eight mystical varieties of oddball if she's refusing to fully embrace her travel experience and go see teenaged scribblings of Clark Kent making a cum-face. Can you not just slip her a mickey finn and drag her around all vegetable-inspired dance workshops semi-conscious? She'd probably enjoy it just as much.
MelbourneGirl said...
sub, i thought exactly the same thing about the time outs when i was in japan, they had a kansai time out and i read it alot and i too would wonder whether there was one in melbourne, if not, why not, and if not, that i would start one.
and look where i got with that.
future publishing possibility?
This is how empires are formed, people. Mutual interest-sharing via blog comments. Bill Gates started Microsoft after someone ROFL'd at his sideways emoticon winky face.
Anonymous said...
To the threesome chick. Thanks... that just reinforces why men hate women.
Oh dear. Really? Do they? I've always thought they were rather keen to bump uglies with us.
Besides which, you may be acting a little hasty:
Anonymous said...
Steady on, dear. You don't have to go near that sort of woman if you don't like them. No need to make blanket statements for the whole of XX based on the behaviour of one.
Well put, Anon #2. And that goes for all of you fucking phallocrites out there with your penis-wielding and general love of motorcars.
Anonymous said...
Were you asked to write the piece on the comedy festival in the A2 today? I love your writing but found the whole Daniel Kitson thing really off-putting - it was so 'Oh Daniel look at your silly groupies, let's grab lunch'.
I'm sorry you feel that way. I was indeed asked to write the piece, but my intention was hardly to stomp merrily around like a nonce announcing my self-importance as I've got the blog to do that in if I feel so inclined ZING. I try to write honestly about things that have happened to me and how I feel about them - obviously I'd prefer a different reaction to the article from you, but thanks for the feedback regardless. Sincerely.
ms p said...
Dear Ms Fits,
I had a rather disturbing dream in which I shagged Kevin Rudd because I thought it would boost his election chances.(It sounded logical in my dream!) I awoke to this question: did that make me patriotic or slutty?
Both, both! I have a fucking sweet Annie Sprinkle postcard which features a topless woman holding an enormous sign which reads POLITICALLY CORRECT SLUTS UNITE and I've loved it for years. Embrace the lefty harlot within, ms p. Whatever it takes to get this country back on track we must do with gusto, even if it means copping sausage from those less comely.
Anonymous said...
i was wondering if you would consider submitting Bob Ellis' piccie here:
if so, which uniform would you most like to see the loverly one decked out in?
also, what is your take on the pancake spaceperson in the 'exotics' section?
Oh my god. WHAT ARE THESE PEOPLE DOING TO THEIR PETS?
Could they not have found a picture of this one without a mouth full of balls? Jesus christ.
This cat just says SUPRIZE BUTTSECKS to me.
'You...will...obey...humanoid...'
Personally, I'm all about seeing Bob Ellis in this one
because she's the virginal type and wears white remarkably well.
As for the Shrove Tuesday astronaut...
Words fail me, they really do.
That stack-headed pancake spaceperson picture is the sort of thing that leads people to methamphetamine habits. LOOK AWAY, CHILDREN.
Joanne Scrub said...
Hi Ms. Fits,
Your televised face remained blissfully smiley during the outing. Sympathetic editting? Perhaps your fellow Clubbers don't expect much audience overlap. And why was _Critical Mass_ canned? Methinks you would have fitted (fet?) right in amongst the witty Mr. Biggins and his ilk. (Hmm... so much for coherent trains of thought.)
For a "grub" you brush up right perty each month, but perhaps you just have a good dresser. I like the frangipani flowers but mainly for their helicopterness (not their cheapitude).
Though the physicality is interesting, I wondered more about your thought processes. I assume that a working writer must be able to bang the words together interestingly, but also do so quite quickly (I understand that most are paid per word?), otherwise the food runs out. You also seem to flit between prose and dialogue which, I guess, would exercise different parts of your head-thing. Feel free to comment at length. (Well you did say that your life was your art.)
European cheek kisses,
Joanne.
Boy, I really must have a poker face after all. Here I was thinking that my overtly expressive countenance telegraphed my every waking thought.
The writing process is really hard to define. Obviously there's pressure from deadlines, but I've never really had an issue with banging something out against a ticking clock (though no doubt others would argue that whatever quality there may have once been is firmly wrung out when under the pump). Working on lots of different projects at once helps - if one day of writing children's television just isn't working, I can switch on over to making blog-filth or reviewing television. You're either able to hash it out or you're not, and I tend not to push words uphill when my brain refuses to shift. Those are the days you call up your equally lazy friends and go eat choc tops dipped in popcorn in the back row of the movies at one in the afternoon. Am I selling the life of a freelancer well do you suppose?
p.s. It's very kind of you to suggest I have a 'dresser' on the book show, but if you think an independent being would actively choose to put me in the idiotic frocks I deck myself out in you're quite charmingly mistaken.
Roguemaze Central said...
aaah.. still at it i see
i fucking hate this work verification thing
Welcome back, Roguemaze. It's been too long. Did you remember to get milk?
richardwatts said...
1) Cock size isn't everything, but it's an added bonus, assuming the bloke in question doesn't just lie there/ram it in expecting you to be impressed.
2. Why are all the cute comedians in town at the moment agressively heterosexual?
3. Have you taken the opportunity to stroll past 136 Johnston Street Collingwood now that you're in the neighbourhood, or given that the street number's have changes since John Wren's day, did your grandad ever point out the location of the totaliser to you previously? If so, is it the building currently operating as a foundry?
1) Oh dear. 'Ram it in' is incredibly graphic, isn't it? Could we not have just held hands and listened to The Pink Fits instead?
2) I don't know, Richard. How does one make themselves 'aggressively' heterosexual? Do they stand at the Town Hall bar shouting I'M RATHER FOND OF VAGINAS YOU KNOW until people start to move away with painted-on smiles?
3) I thought it was 146, but yes - I've taken the PWG tour. Frank never pointed any of the sights out to me personally as I was probably more interested in drinking goon and chasing Simon Bergagna around town when he died, but it's been nice figuring it out for myself in the ensuing years.
Anonymous said...
i was also dubious about the whole daniel kitson thing in your article. thought it came across as rather self-agrandising wank, which is rather below your usual standard of excellence. i'm just disappointed, that's all (i feel like someone's dad saying that. but where can you find one this time of... oh dear, i am tired)
i'm glad you can be friends with clever comedians but quite frankly they're all complete whores for any kind of attention, so it's nothing to blow trumpets about or encourage in other people. their egos are fine without the boost, really, truly, promise.
perhaps i missed the entire point of the article. i still love you. i just hated that.
happy canberra weekend. hope you got to look down over the place from the war memorial. it's a beautiful view.
Well, that's put me in my place. 'Self-agrandising wank' indeed.
My mum liked it, which counts for something.
Erica said...
In regards to faeriegirl's "relationship" dilemmas:
The "girlfriend in Melbourne" has a name, and a face, and a personality. And feelings too. And the girlfriend in Melbourne does link to people who link to here, and they found these comments all too easily.
If only they'd found them when it first began rather than after it had all ended in a pile of broken pieces on my floor. Maybe I would have saved myself some heartache, who knows.
In case people would like to read about my experience of it all,
ericaordinary.com
Erica
This is a new one for me, I must say. I've become quite used to my own sticky liasions being rumbled through RYWHM, though the notion of others reading their private business with horrified gasps is slightly confronting.
There's more to be said about this complicated affair, sadly...
epon_anon said...
It's really quite sad that he felt the need to rag on you to chase a fuck. Q1) Is that the weakest shit there ever was?
I defer to that great late 20th century poet, Ice T, who describes his learning that a valued friend had more than one face:
"someone heard him poppin' that shit last week,
frontin' for some pussy on some big-butt freak.
Sayin' I'm his worker, I was on his dick,
talkin that crazy, old, weak-ass shit,
And after all that she still walked away,
how ya gonna teach your boy to get some play?
And when I stepped to him about he said "Who snitched?"
Yo! How did he go out?
"He went out like a bitch!"
Q2) Ice T - da shit or b-grade actor in police dramas?
p.s. wasn't suggesting faeriegirl is a "big-butt freak", more that "cocktard boy" should get his shit in order.
Q1) Yes. Although possibly those gentlemen who desert the army and pretend to be dead whilst finding themselves a new wife in Rockhampton are up there on the cad scale too.
Q2) Both. It's impossible to write him off completely when you listen to LGBNAF or KKK Bitch, no matter how heinous his 'look at me everybody, I'm packing heat' acting is.
More on our unfolding love drama...
scallywag said...
How do people know enough about the littlefariegirl/erin/cocktard saga to be taking sides? Was this discussed at some point and I've missed it? How does epon-anon know that he "ragged" on erin? (What does that mean, anyway?) Do we know details? WHO NEEDS NEW WEEKLY WHEN WE HAVE RYWHM?
It's been referred to in previous Friday q's, scallywag. HAVE YOU NOT BEEN PAYING ATTENTION.
p.s. Being compared to NW is about the greatest honour bestowed upon a fizzy-headed blog-woman. Thank you.
epon_anon said...
Scallywag - my interpretation was from this bit of info from lfg above (posted in last week's questions):
"his gf broke up with him after reading emails between the two of us that mentioned the sex we'd have and the fact that he thought she was boring."
Not really being judgemental about the whole infidelity thing - we're human, it happens. But pointing to the (alleged) shortcomings of your chosen partner as a reason for cheating is pretty disrespectful of both the erstwhile partner & the new object of desire.
And more:
Anonymous said...
epon-anon: I agree, and I also think that when the cheater uses the shortcomings of the cheatee as justification for the cheating, it enables the third person to dismiss the feelings of the cheatee (or even to tell themselves the cheatee had it coming and gloat about their relative success with the cheator. In that insecure way that being the "third person" entails).
But really, LFG and Erica, you ought to be focussing your wrath on the boy (who is clearly a gutless piece of shit), and not on each other. Don't fall into the trap of balming the other woman just because you're harbouring secret fantasies of getting back together with him and would rather avoid dealing with his culpability in your current miserableness.
I can't believe someone else's love life is as complicated as mine.
I'd agree with the 'play the player' comment, too. Sisterhood unite, etc.
Anonymous said...
to anon at 1.10pm -
never has a truer word been spoken. i agree with you 100% - focus your anger on the boy in question, not each other.
And one of the main ladies steps up to the plate:
littlefaeriegirl said...
ok, ive been watching this and wondering whether or not to respond, or just let it work its way out in front of me, but i think i might just say this.
of course the girl in question has a name and feelings. im not about to name her though, am i? i tried to make it as anonymous as i could, while still making it easyish to follow. the only person you could def know who was involved was me, and my name links to my blog, where you'll see again that i havent mentioned any names.
i never meant any of what i wrote to be taken as me not liking erica, or considering her feelings at all. my original question was not 'how do i get this guy to break up with this girl', it was 'can someone please come to ben kweller with me as i dont want to be there on my own, knowing that they're there together'.
from my experience, erica is a lovely, kind person, my wrath has never been focused on her at any time. no, i shouldnt have played the part that i did in what happened, but i did, and theres not much i can do about that apart from say sorry, which, i may add for the spectators here, i already have.
hopefully today she will have recieved an email from a mutual friend. and hopefully in there it will explain a few more things that were possibly not clear before. i do wish she got out sooner as well; not for any gain i may have recieved, as i know how much this all hurt her, but she is so lucky she's not still involved as his cuntishness has reached new heights.
epon_anon - the thing was, in my naivety, i didnt think i was just 'a fuck', although thankyou for clarifying that i am not a big-butt freak. also, i vote for b grade actor in police drama. i adore law and order in all its forms (except that real life court room one, never got into that). my fave is criminal intent as i plan on marrying vincent d'onofrio one day.
also, yes it is quite sad and weak, also sad that i fell for it.
sorry for off the topic, but i thought id respond in the order comments were made.
what i will say in my defence against all this is that i never called this a 'relationship', ive never gloated that 'i got him' in anyway, because i didnt, and also because thats just nasty.
but, as scallywag asked, how do people know enough about this to comment. hopefully erica knws a little more about the situation now. i am not at all trying to exonerrate myself from this. i was part of something that was wrong and i admit that.
okie dokie, chat away
And that, my friends, is that.
Good luck with it all, women of Broken Hearts street. By the sounds of things you're both better off.
p.s. Does he read? Will he be posting his side of the story soon? Intriguing.
Anonymous said...
hi ms fits, I just want to say how pleased I am that you like Wilfred. I worked on the series and there were a few of us in the crew that thought it was a bit different and had potential. Although it's sometimes hard to tell when yr there day in day out and delerium has set in so you find everything hilarious even though it's just some idiot eating nachos and talking w/ his mouth full. So I was wondering if you got to hang out much on the set of LMS? Writers usually visit the set a couple of times during a shoot, make awkward conversation with a few people and then get distracted by catering. What was yr experience like? helen hellbound
Oh, I hung out on the set all the time. They couldn't fucking get rid of me. I guess since I was co-producing I had more of a chance to get stuck in there than most faceless writers who sit at home bursting into floods of tears when they eventually see the mockery made of their precious words. That said, there wasn't really much I could do from the side of set other than yell TSK TSK NOT LIKE THAT whenever one of the boys mangled a perfectly amusing piece of dialogue so I usually disappeared back up to the production office to play on mess and noise.
tabula rasa said...
Hi darlin'
given the propensity of authors you select on the Book Show to die (vale Kurt Vonnegut), could you please choose anything written by John Howard as your next selection.
Done. Although Dave The Scot last night suggested Jeffrey Archer and Dan Brown, both of whom are equally tempting options.
Anonymous said...
I do rather agree with the other anonymouses regarding your A2 article. And apologies, I know what it's like to have someone whinge about something you've written. My policy was to let the haters have their moan and duly ignore them. Nevertheless, I once had a uh.. rather sweet adventure with a visiting comedian. I never really saw myself as a big-eyed stalkerish laneway-lingerer to be chortled over by funnymen and their attractive demi-celebrity buddies. At the time I figured my circumstances were a bit different. I don't know, maybe they weren't. In any case your words came across as more than a little bit superior. Which perhaps wasn't your intention at all. Anyway, feel free to ignore and proceed. You can't please everyone.
I was actually one of those big-eyed stalkerish laneway-lingerers myself Anon, so no - it wasn't my intention to be chortled over, not least by my own smug pen. All the 'strolls down Southbank' took place a few years ago when I was pining over a lanky piece of ha-ha perfection and doing everything in my power to kiss him and failing miserably and while I was hoping the piece would reflect that it clearly hasn't and thank you your points have been well and truly taken on board. I promise never to write shit stuff again.
Ben said...
This comments sections seems to be getting a little sudsy...
I thought I saw you in the audience at my show the other night...oh wait, that wasn't you, it was absolutely nobody.
Sorry, self-pity etc. Er, questions.
1. Can you watch, listen, read, whatever, a piece of someone else's work, or art, and enjoy it, without thinking, "Now, let's think how I'm going to be better than them"?
2. Did you ever find at school, in exams, you could have written really good essays, but you were too slow and could only do two pages and that bitch next to you did, like, fifteen?
3. Who would win in a fight between Degrassi Junior High and Kimba the White Lion?
What was your show, Ben? I've only just discovered you and I find you inherently amusing. I would have come had I known. ADVERTISE ON FRIDAY Q AND A, FOR FUCK'S, IT'S WHAT EVERYBODY ELSE DOES.
1. I can, yes. It's usually the horrifyingly awful ones that make me want to create. I'm quite content to bask in the afterglow of someone else's art and bound up to them with startlingly over-familiar hugs post-performance.
2. Not really, no. Who is this bitch you speak of? Is it Christie Mackay? THAT GIRL IS A HORROR.
3. You mean the entire school population versus an adorable animated beast? My money's on the kids from Degrassi. Kimba is a fucking pacifist, and they've got the brooding violent undertones of Wheels the orphan.
thalesian said...
This is going to sound like a stupid question, fits... So a little back-story first.
I got up on saturday and discover that I needed a few essentials in order to eat... bread, milk, eggs, that kind of thing. So I threw on some trackies and a old t-shirt and went down to the market.
Whilst wandering the aisles I chanced upon a woman pushing a trolley loaded with groceries... Now what got me was the fact that she was dressed like she was going to a largish event - Dress, shoes, makeup... at 7:30am!!!
So... after all that, my question is - What do you believe is an acceptable standard of dress when going to the supermarket? Do you occasionally sneak down to the market in your trackies with hair unbrushed? Do some people go way to far?
I know that technically I've asked three questions, but...
Word verification = madwxyu... go figure.
I'm not really much one for hair brushing at the best of times, though I do draw the line at ducking up to get an apple wearing slippers and pyjamas since moving to the cosmopolitan hub of Collingwood. 'Acceptable' for me ususally involves a miniskirt, oversized hat and thongs which sounds like the outfit of someone escaping from sex jail but seems to strike the perfect balance between 'this old thing, adorable boy with moustache who makes my morning coffee? I just threw it on' and 'comfortable as fuck'.
Your 7:30am Alannah Hill lady may have been on her way home from a big night and simply doing a Shop of Shame. Did you ever consider that? People are pretty wild sometimes.
voodooboy said...
cuhOne of my very dear friends has a great love of the female equivalent of blokey talk, and it does, as you surmise, seem to involve quite a bit of use of the term 'darl', though more talk of frocks than bras. I find it most endearing.
Also, Simon Amstell may be gay, but Steve Diggle is not, though possibly a little prone to hitting on women half his age, as the lovely Miss Campbell has discovered.
Anyway, I've noticed many questions of late from people wanting advice on opening up their relationship sexually to third parties, all of which got rather negative replies. While I certainly advise a little caution is in order, I have to say its generally worked out rather well for my wife and I, and several others of our acquaintance, and I wanted to let people know. Do you think I could convince you to answer such questions with less of the "OH DISASTER WAITS ON THAT ROAD OF SIN" and more of a "play safe and make sure you know what you are doing and have fully and soberly discussed it with your open-minded sweetie" attitude?
Diggle is not a patch on Amstell, and I'm probably far too old for him anyway. Cease Disneying my spank at once.
I take your point on the threeway advice, and you're right - it certainly can work out as a spot of salty fun for a couple if handled correctly. I have experienced some perfectly safe, richly comedic, earnestly discussed moments of sexings and come out the other side relatively emotionally unscathed and if you feel confident that you're able to take an extra duvet-hogger into your bed at night then more power to you, swingers.
Anonymous said...
a little update on the 3 way situation (i commented the original question a couple of friday q&a's ok)...
after the bf came home from a work trip, i found pics on his camera of him getting a lap dance (and maybe the light was dodgy, but she wasn't the bestest looking girl. but i digress...). hey, i know this happens on work trips - so long as he plays safe it's ok - i just don't need to see it.
yes, i got a case of the "green eyes" (that'd be jealousy). and promptly decided that NO FECKING WAY would another person be invited into our bedroom.
having said all that, the dildo went down a treat. what i thought would be a one-off will now be introduced on a semi-regular basis. and i'm loving it!
thanks all for advice *insert happy smilie here*
Ah. Well done you, Anon. Sounds like you thought it out and decided against and may I say your relationship will probably be the better for it considering the mere sight of a pogger grinding down against your feller's clothed penis sent you into frothing fits. Enjoy your toys*.
* I am turning into Dr. Rosie King. SEND HELP.
Anonymous said...
So this morning, my beloved woke up, rolled over and asked me to marry him, so it seemed like a pretty good day was in the making. Later, I'm going to work on an overcrowded tram, and a middle aged lady asked: "Would you like to sit down?"
Said I: "No thanks, I'm fine. Are you getting off?"
Said she: "Oh. Ahhh.... no."
Then I realised she thought I was expecting. So I sulked a bit, but then decided not to let it ruin my day. But THEN, during my lunch break, I was trying on rings - naturally - and was talking to the shop assistant (also a middle-aged lady) about ring size. She said: "Well, you're pregnant, aren't you?" The answer is no. NO NO NO! I'm not even grossly overweight! My back is curvy and my tummy sticks out, that's all!! So I ask you: who are these well-meaning but socially moronic retards who haven't yet realised that you don't ask about someone's "pregnancy" until the baby is actually coming out of them?? Do they make a habit out of it? Has anyone else been targeted?
You're getting married to your beloved, Anon - how thrilling for you. Congratulations.
These fucktards you speak of are clearly learning one of Life's Important Lessons the hard way...unless a woman has her legs up in stirrups with a wee child's head bursting forth from her private place you NEVER EVER ASK HER ABOUT HER PREGNANCY (even then it's possibly not the best of timing and she may inform you to fuck in the direction of off at your earliest convenience). Dr Nic went to see Gabi dance when she was about seven months gone and he still refused to publicly say which Town Bike was the pregnant one and for that I applaud him.
Forget about the cockheads. Focus on your nuptials. There are better things to worry about than people missing a sensitivity chip and by the way I happen to love sticky-out bellies.
Big Matt Stud said...
Dear Ms Fits
My question seems rather dull now given the faeriegirl/erica/cocktard Sturm und Drang, but I'll ask it anyway.
Do you find that when you're reading some writers that they develop a voice for you ? I don't mean voice in the literary sense, but an actual voice that you hear in your head as you read the words.
The reason I ask this is that (somewhat unfortunately) the voice I hear when I read your words sounds a lot like Jane Gazzo. This is most possibly due to the fact that you and she look a bit alike, but I find it kind of confusing whenever I happen to see you on the telly that you don't in fact talk like her at all**.
**Although this would be a good thing, as I find Jane Gazzo kind of irritating.
Also, since I get the feeling that you quite like browsing other people's blogs, have you ever seen Tokyo Girl Down Under? She writes beautifully and makes me feel quite inadequate.
I've never really thought about it, but I suppose you're right. Martin Amis has a very distinct voice for me, as does Fante. The Jane Gazzo resemblance has been mentioned before
(really? Truly? Is it just the pigtails?), though not in the YOUR WORDS SOUND LIKE GAZZO IN MY HEAD, WOMAN sense obviously.
I hadn't yet stumbled across Toyko Girl but yes, she's lovely. Way to give me yet another distraction in my day, boyo.
angry said...
What the fuck's with those new bloody "Big Brother Teaser" ads that show Gretel Killeen addressing a rowdy press conference with the words 'what Big Brother promises... [dramatic pause]... Big Brother delivers', and then is bundled out of the press conference by burly body guards. How STUPID is that???? Can you imagine Kevin Rudd organizing a press conference to make some big announcement, and all the journos gathering around shouting questions, they're all there with their cameras and he puts up his hand all smug and patronising to quiet them and says "What Kevin Rudd promises... Kevin Rudd delivers" and then runs out of the room. I'd be feeling pretty bloody ripped off if I'd taken time out of my day to attend a press conference for that, wouldn't you??? He'd be lucky not to be taken out the back for a belting after that. God this makes me so angry! The Chaser should do an Ad Road Test based on this Big Brother nonsense. How about Peter Costello starting a rumour that he is going to retire from politics to drop out and start a hippy commune, and then he announces he'll hold a hotly-anticipated press conference to clear the air, then he rocks up and goes "What Peter Costello promises, he delivers" and runs away, that's it. ArgH!
PS: ur crazy hot.
I haven't seen the ads, but I'm disproportionately and shamefully excited about staying in for the next few months and watching bad television. Also it means I get to see my friends for the first time in what seems like forever as I tend to squirrel myself away when feeling antisocial and presumably some of my nearest and dearest have forgotten what I look like (and to them I simply say
).p.s. I absolutely love the idea of Kevin Rudd calling a press conference only to 'run out of the room' after the briefest of seconds. Can you imagine? It'd be even better if he left a Kevin-shaped hole in the door in the style of Wil.E Coyote.
Anonymous said...
Good evening madam,
My career never really gets going despite my commitment to it, I can't meet someone to love to save my life and while I am fully across the whole "count your blessings, you're so lucky" thing, as well as having been to see a variety of healthcare professionals who commend my continuing work ethic in the face of my depression, nothing really ever shakes the idea that what I'd most like to do is just die. What's the point in pretending otherwise?
If my existence is so consistently miserable for me (and in the end, it is my life, isn't it?) and no one can do anything except spout platitudes, would it really be so heinous of me to thank everyone, say goodnight and shuffle off this mortal coil? No offence to anyone else but isn't it my right? Surely if my friends and family really loved me they would understand. It's not a slight on them. Why can't it just be a personal decision we can make ourselves and explain rationally without all this hoo-haa about people blaming themselves for your failures?
We're all grown ups. I'll doubtless keep plugging away at my miserable life no matter what anyone says so I hope you can be honest and platitude free.
p.s. For a brief time my desire to have hot sex with most of the Chaser kept me going, but the only single one is Chris Taylor and he's not even in my top three. But your article in the Green Guide is nonetheless excellent.
Oh, Anon. Please don't shuffle off this mortal coil. While your friends and loved ones may profess to 'understanding' your feelings, the truth of the matter is that they're still sifting through the daily morass of existence and presumably deeply unable to fathom the notion of someone they care about simply bunking off and calling an end to it. You may only be miserable for a short while longer, you may be miserable til the end of time. Have you really given up hope completely with regard to the prospect of change?
I recommend you try seeking out some Ivan Brunetti artwork - he is the most nihilistic cartoonist I've ever encountered, and stunningly suicidal. He also makes fucking great pictures and a few years ago fell in love with a magnificent woman. It didn't cheer him up by any stretch of the imagination, but I'd say it's highly unlikely that he'll off himself any time in the near future. Start with the Schizo series and work your way through to the present day. He is wonderful.
I hope that was honest and platitude free enough for you.
p.s. Don't die.
Big Matt Stud said...
Two articles in two weeks about ladies wishing to be making the sex with comedic gents, Ms Fits ? Is this possibly making too much of a good thing ?
And I have to out myself as finding Blokesworld moderately amusing, I'm afraid. There's something about their completely unapologetic celebration of moronically un-PC activities that I find strangely appealing.
Plus, there's tits. It's hard not to like that.
I LIKE FUNNY MEN, SO SUE ME.
Fenz said...
I saw my word verification and giggled so much that I forgot what I came here to say.
zmmqmjgf - sounds like i'm speaking with my mouth full, though I'm quite unsure of the translation!
x
I daren't imagine what your mouth is full of, Fenz. Though judging by the salacious antics of some of the commenters around here I can only hazard an r-rated guess.
Anonymous said...
G'day Fits,
Thought I'd pump up you tires re your maligned A2 article: didn't read the recent one but the one in January this year was possibly the funniest article I have ever read (had me laughing out loud to Adrian Mole proportions) and also had the effect of reigniting my enjoyment of reading after a lenghty lay off.
My question is: do you have trouble transferring your wit from the page to spontaneous conversation? I find myself making the funny amongst friends but put me into a situation with desirable ladies about and my humour transforms from unforced whimsy to Jeff from Coupling style gabble that could easily be misread as borderline psychopathy.
And thanks for promoting Bob Ellis on your blog, I read my first Ellis cover to cover last night (First Abolish the Customer). Were Bob a woman I would make him my wife - were I a woman, well my current choice of underwear would be far more appropriate.
Good day.
That's very nice of you to say, Anon. I don't know if I'm necessarily amusing in person. I tend to talk a great deal and unwittingly pepper my speech with swears which we all know is the height of Dorothy Parker-esque wit, so I'll wager a guess and say yes unless of course I am sitting opposite some dashing lovely in a cardigan in which case I'll make lame jokes about computers before hiding underneath my duffle coat and pretending to be elsewhere.
Also: next Bob you should read is And So On, And So It Goes. You may weep.
Fenz said...
ooh I remember, I came here to congratulate you on scoring the AFC fellowship. :)
Cheers, Fenz. A fucking nice bit of business and all. Now I'll just have to wait for my writing partner to stop sticking her bosom in her son's mouth for long enough to talk turkey around the storylining table.
Stevie said...
Dear Ms Fits
Given that YOU YOURSELF will be Special Guest Scrabble Player at the Melbourne Comedy Festival Show Scrabble Unscripted next Friday 29th April at 9.45pm at the Imperial Hotel on Bourke St... *
1) What word would you most love to unleash on a Scrabble board? (my early hopes are for "fucktard")
2) I will be turning 30 the VERY NEXT DAY. Where do you recommend as a bar to hold birthday celebrations after the show on Saturday night? It should satisfy the following criteria:
a) not too packed, but nor should it be a ghost town
b) located in the CBD
c) music around but shouldn't dominate proceedings (and should definitely not be too dancey or R&B-ey...I am turning 30 after all and my hardcore days will be officially over)
d) it should show off to all my Sydney friends coming down for the weekend JUST HOW FREAKING COOL AND FUN MELBOURNE IS.
*yes, I am that shameless. But it relates to you too, so I am unrepentant. RYWHM readers, come and see our heroine be lovely on the Melbourne stage.
My, that really is shameless.
Anyhow.
1) Actually, I'd be gunning for 'antidisestablishmentarianism', though presumably the crowd would consider me a bit of a prig.
2) There's only eight thousand million bars in Melbourne for you to peruse and I must admit it's been some time since I did the 'good lord, there seems to be a drinking establishment at the end of this alleyway behind the industrial bin' tour of the backstreets. In the city you'd be hard-pressed to go past cocktails at the Supper Club, moving on to unabashed late-night idiocy at Pony. Warning: If you 'pick up' at the latter establishment you will almost certainly live to regret it.
p.s. Suggestions here:
Steve said...
In terms of what impresses Sydneysiders, I always think Section 8 (in the same laneway as Camy Shanghai Dumpling House) does the trick. Otherwise ... Workshop? Miss Libertines?
Or if you're not into dancing, Lily Blacks?
Fine recommendations indeed. Thanking you.
*********************
That's it. I'm through with
Thanks for playing.
207 days til the next election.
Comments
How tall are you, exactly, Ms Fits? I'm shocked that Wikipedia doesn't tell me.
See, I knew I was being socially responsible with my pregnancy blindness.
Or maybe I'm just waiting for Miranda Devine's vision of a 50's Australia where men are men, women "don't give up the goods before marriage" and immigrants are white Europeans to come true so I can be ignorant of everything that happens to a woman, you know, down there!
Hey Fits
I'm gonna keep this short and devoid of anything clever or witty, just to be different. Let me say that 1. Enjoy you on book club. 2. Why is Jennifer B a bit manic? 3. Try and get either Ben Orki's The Famished Road or anything by V.S. Naipaul on, and 4. For fucksake, will someone please visit my blog - its dying for lack of visits and comments....Regards N Spirelli
I second the motion, henceforth called The Spirelli Act (2007). The Famished Road is a beautiful novel & would be a worthy contender. I might even remember to watch the show if you get an Okri novel on.
p.s. veri-baby = elmoo, which is almost an actual name, though possibly for a loved bovine.
... or a Muppet.
i think that shows Bevis is lurking 24 hours a day just waiting to throw in a Muppet reference!
Why is this so sad?
My pal and I think it's because the cat is sad ("I has hard day", sad face) but still wants to be polite ("plz").
Your thoughts?
"next Bob you should read is And So On, And So It Goes. You may weep." (Fits 2007)
I am reading 'So it Goes' is 'And So On, And So it Goes' another in a series or one and the same? Reading Bob Ellis on a Friday night: my decadent youth is officially over.
I seem to have dropped off the end of last week's Qs, Fitsy (no doubt due to my frequent posting in the early hours of Friday morning (at least, your early hours), so am attempting to remove digit (which also makes typing easier) far earlier this week.
What's the worst date you've ever had? I remember going out with an Irish girl once who I'd met at a club whilst, shall we say, not of clear mind, and it was the most uncomfortable two hours of near silence I've ever been in...with nary a bit of action to releave the tension (obviously I had gone on the date with high expectations due to her...friendliness when first meeting).
Also, my ex moved back to Melbourne last Saturday after five years here in London. Where should she go for a good time out?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLWZZhWMKfM
opinion?
Do you ever delete comments you are left? I would expect not, since one sees quite nasty, hate-filled and badly-punctuated diatribes in your comments. But sometimes I'm so sure I have left a comment, and it's vanished by the next Friday. Maybe I should quit the cheese sandwiches before bed. But the question is, do you or have you ever deleted comments you have been left?
More in need of wisdom than anything but an opinion will do.
First time ever, I accepted the offer of being a fuck buddy.
It's been a month now. It's been quite fun so far. However, I find that it's hard to separate the physical from the emotional.
Also, it makes it awkward to seek intellectual and emotional (romantic) stimulation elsewhere. Feelings of betrayal to all parties concerned creep in. ie. "I'd like to know you better. BTW, I'm sleeping with someone else right now but it's just sex".
I feel quite dishonest pursuing anyone else (to all parties involved).
The situation was clarified recently with her turning down an invite to the Comedy festival with, "Doing things like that is not how I see our relationship proceeding".
Do you see this ending in tears? What do you think MacGyver would have done?
ps
congratulations on being an aunt.
Fitsticuffs,
Don't worry about Gazzo comparisons - one of you is charming, witty and quite well assembled* HINT: not the one presently working in the UK. I also just noticed that the acronym RYWHM looks alarmingly like how Team America's version of Kim Jong Il would say 'rhythm'.
My question: like you, one of my first cars was a Mitsubishi Colt. Foolishly (indeed, inexplicably), I bought a second one after that one died. Ever made a large-ish purchase (let's say four figures?) that you deeply regretted?
also, big squeezes for gabi, bob and the gabi+boblet.
*yes, yes - you know i'd normally be more colourful about your pulchritudinousness, but i'm in a rare efficient mood. carry on.
Hello Ms Fits,
Couple of things. First, thanks for "the ol' 'throwing a sausage down a hallway" you very funny lady you. I'm already thinking up ways of working it into conversations.
Second, THE SCARY PANCAKE SPACEMAN. I love astronauts and pancakes, why is this image so disturbing? Can't get it outta my head as Kylie would say.
Third, after all my monogamy fretting, I saw the lust object the other day and it was just gone, the lusting I mean. There is LOTS to be said for waking up to oneself and appreciating long term partner who makes one baked beans on toast when one has a headache and is a top root to boot.
Have a lovely Sydney.
Just who is it at the ABC that keeps giving Paul McDermott new shows ? I understand you have some contacts there Ms Fits, can you please find out who it is and make them stop ?
dear msfts-nizzle,
have you partaken in the weirdness that is this:
http://wolfanfics.livejournal.com/
i can't remember how i found it, but the one which got me strangely addicted was the one about tony abbott being rapey with craig reucassell, & craig explaining it to chris taylor with an analogy about possums & forest creatures.
i don't want to mock, i just find myself strangely drawn to it. like looking at the sun. have you read much fan fiction yourself & how does it (particularly this chaser-related variety) make you feel (in the pants or otherwise)?
tara! x
Thank you indeed. The show was at the Amber Lounge. It wasn't my show, exactly, it was someone else's, but I periodically came on and did, well, "jokes" may be an apt term. A little bit of spoken word, stand-up, whatever. Anyway, it was called off. Partly because of near-zero attendance, but also in large part to whoreson venue Nazis who didn't want us there costing their lightbulb money.
Anyway...I think you're right about Degrassi, although I think Kimba could inflict some serious collateral damage. Arthur wouldn't last long, and there may well be an irrevocable shattering of Spike's egg-which-is-used-to-teach-parental-responsibility. I don't know Christie Mackay, but I bet she never went to major maths exam and forgot her calculator.
Advertising...well, the festival train has sailed, but I AM at the Comic's Lounge being a "new comic" (very new, having only been doing it for 3 years) on May 1, and at St Peter's Hall Mornington on June 8. Also, you can buy my book at http://www.lulu.com/benpobjie (stalkers note: this is not my real name. Everybody else: yes it is). But...um, this is Q&A so I really should put this in the form of a question...OK:
Q: Why don't you all go and buy my book at http://www.lulu.com/benpobjie? Or buy it from me! I'll even sign it for you! For five dollars extra, I'll also give you a firm yet tender kiss. For ten dollars extra, I won't.
Ew, I feel dirty. This is why I shall never succeed as writer or performer: unwillingness to promote myself. The lack of desire to stop writing letters saying "I wonder if there's a possibility..." and start writing letters saying "Give me that fucking job on Neighbours or you will regret it the rest of your puny life." That's not an attempt at a wanky reference to your career, I really did try to get a job on Neighbours.
This is the silliest and unnecessarily-lengthiest comment ever, but I have stuck to my resolution not to ask anything about sex. Another question to make it seem worthwhile, er...
Q: Are you familiar with Mystery Science Theater 3000? And if so, they should put it on here, innit?
http://youtube.com/watch?v=a8th0JR2UoM&mode=related&search=
FUCKING WATCH THE VIDEO
Just who was the lanky comedian you tried to woo????
Is it merely a coincidence that a few weeks back we were dicussing how great it would be if Rage had a competition where you could programme for the night, and suddenly they actually have MADE THIS HAPPEN? Or is your blog being spied on by the ABC hierarchy and ransacked for ideas?
Does it concern you that the photo in your weekly column doesn't do you any favours? The green tint isn't really going to help anyone- who doesn't have naturally green skin, I guess- but the lack of contrast is making you look like a wayward podling, one of those little freaks from the Dark Crystal. You could have a word to the paper's photographer?
I say this as a friend, you understand.
from monday(?)s comments:
Anonymous said...
You hate him just because his Dad is a liberal politician.
You are such a bitch. and not in a good way.
ms fits said...
No, I hate him because he's a Young Liberal and they are by nature appalling human beings
Anonymous said...
By your own admittance, you don't know any Young Liberals.
How can you hate them if you don't know them?
For all you preach tolerance and peace, YOU are by nature an appalling human being: intolerant, judgmental, hopelessly biased. Actually, make that just hopeless.
In other news: you are ugly.
*******
alright, apart from this anon being an obvious psycho type just a little, do you not find this last bit often true of the (especially younger 20s-30s often hippie type) left? i'm a bit pro-environment, -people-non-starving, -or-living-on-others'-rooves(roofs?) and all myself, but it shits me to tears when friends who are somewhat dogmatically so start screeching about how Americans are all useless stupid cunts, as are all right-wingers etc. Tony Abott, howard etc. fair enough, but calling any Liberal voter or American an arsehole is pretty fucking hypocritical if you're claiming to be generally tolerant and non-racist, isn't it? you just end up seeming a hate-filled knob who's jumped on a different (left- rather than right-wing) bandwagon.
also:
Beamer said...
Nobody wants to catch gonorrhoea, AIDS, stupidity or communism by sleeping with some fucked up Marieke Hardy type who cuts herself at night and pretends she's depressed because of the state of the world.
ms fits said...
How do they want to catch gonorrhoea, AIDS, stupidity or communism then, beamer? Surely it's my way or the highway.
**** HOLY FUCKIN ROFL ROFLROFLROFLORFLORL
Gold.
I'm not sure that calling Liberal voters arseholes counts as racism...unless Liberal is a race. And I don't think calling people arseholes is intolerant, as long as you tolerate arseholes. And people seem to mostly tolerate them: in fact, the arseholes multiply and thrive day by day.
Oops, this isn't a question, sorry!
Ben said...
I'm not sure that calling Liberal voters arseholes counts as racism...
****
no... so perhaps you could infer that I was referring to the anti-Americanism instead of anti-Liberalism, if you tried real hard? also i think verbally abusing people based on generalising is pretty intolerant, I'm not talking about ms fits just dogma-lovin ignorant-faces of the left, 'fuck you fascist' etc. If Toorak-ites went around nth fitzroy calling people fucking hippies i think it would be seen as intolerant.
Ms Fits,
I just got all excited because I'd actually remembered it's Tuesday and remembered to remind myself to watch you on the ABC bookclub show (as I seem like to be the only commenter who hasn't watched) only to discover it's only the first Tuesday of the month!
Good lordy, easily confused indeed.
Here's a question. You are given a giant budget to create the reality tv show of your choice. What would it be?
Another question on reality tv. Have you seen Cheaters on channel 7? It's horrible but you can't look away.
http://www.cheaters.com/
Hello Ms Fits, BlogMistress.
Firstly - Hi. Short time reader, first time poster. I've only recently been made aware of your wordy and worldly self, due to someone linking to here on a forum I frequent, and describing you as a 'good sort', and have to echo his comments.
Secondly, after doing some back reading on the blog, I've noticed a lot of people using the term 'fuck buddy'. While I have no problem with the concept, I do think that the phrase might be seen as a little uncouth, especially when one finds oneself in the company of the upper echelons of modern day society. As such, I would like to proffer the term 'occasional furniture', as I think this is both fitting and respectful, and clearly outlines the terms of your relationship to the human in question.
Not wishing to break the sanctity of the established Friday Q&A ritual, I had best add queries of my own, which are thus:
Do you think some TV shows may follow the example set by Snakes On A Plane, and engage with their audience as to what they'd like to see happen? Do you think this process is good, and should be used more widely? Would you ever be willing to engage with your audience in this manner, for example, to discuss the finer points of the psyche of a character you had given birth to?
Pleased to make your e-acquaintance.
I have seen quite a few episodes of Cheaters on Foxtel & it has that certain car-crash quality, but not in a goodish way like Girls of the Playboy Mansion. More in the way of "ouch, why would you submit yourself to that"/"Gee that Joey Greco's a smarmy prick, hope one of the cheaters pulls a gun".
My question(s): Is Joey Greco the smarmiest guy on television? If not who is? (Alexander Downer doesn't count)
Heyo. I have a question, if it's not too late for this week... unlike last week, when I posted this about 11o'clock on Friday morning, which turned out to be, indeed, too late for that week. So I'll try again now, why not. Anyhow: do you think there is any way to go up and start talking to a complete stranger in public without being a) incredibly rude, and/or b) some kind of a crazy person? I ask because it generally feels to me like it's kind of a rude thing to do, to just interrupt someone for no real reason; and yet sometimes I feel like it might be kind of nice to be on either end of some random public conversational spontaneity. But the only time this ever actually happens (to me, anyhow) is during those encounters with the talkative folk who perennially haunt Melbourne's public transport, and who generally don't talk so much as they mumble incomprehensibly, ask repeatedly for spare change, and occasionally vomit.
Some "public" situations are kind of different, like parties; you can talk to any strange person at a party under the flimsiest of pretexts. But what if you just see somebody who looks interesting (or whatev) out down the street, say? How could you say hello to them without kinda freaking them out? Is it even an okay thing to bother them at all in the first place? To be honest: one of the reasons I'm asking you, in particular, is because I happen to have (coincidentally!) recognised you out at various public places like, 3 times in the past 4 or 5 weeks, and each time I've been tempted to go up and say hello, but I haven't. So, what's your opinion on being interrupted by a random stranger while you're out somewhere with your friends?
i don't have a question. i just wanted to say thank you for using the phrase "tea-bagging the sleeping Mormon" in your green guide article today. the idea of some of the age's more conservative readers rushing to find out what it means, and then recoiling in distaste, pleased me greatly.
titus coolie macca, Ben's right, calling Liberals "arseholes" isn't racist. Anti-Americans sentiment is not racist either. Americans, you see, aren't a distinctive race.
Speaking of racist, though, do you know what "Coolie" means?
Greetings Fits, how've you been? What's life like for you? Etc.
My question is short but has been plaguing my mind as of late.
Basically i've been with my galfriend for 4 months now & i love her. The question is do i tell her & risk freaking her out as it's only been 4 months?
I'm not the type to throw the word 'love' around loosely as i believe it's sacred. I was with my last galfriend for a little over 8 months & i never told her i loved her. For i didn't. I liked her alot & thought the world of her but it was never love.
How is it that i've only been with this gal for 4 months & i'm so in love with her i've surprised myself?
So i ask you & other readers of this blog who wish to answer my question:
Is it too early for me to tell her i love her after only 4 months?
Thank you.
to anon at 5.01pm -
god i wish you were my boyfriend!
i say, if it feels right, do it. everyone likes knowing they're loved by someone else.
Can women in general have regular sex with someone and be devoid of any emotion or feelings towards said person?
I think guys can do the one off but not if it is regular.
Hi Ms Fits
I'm not sure if you've seen the 'invade rage' competition, but if you haven't it's a competition to guest program 20 clips on rage for one night only.
Just wondering what your top twenty most bestest favorite film clips would be?
G'day superstar,
Yesterdays Age crossword. One of the clues was hideosities. 'Twas not listed in the MacQuarie Dictionary. Seeing as though you are a literary icon: PLEASE EXPLAIN (i.e. a definition please darl).
Verification baby: gypyfg. Represents two groups Hitler didn't like.
Hello this is an online etiquette question I am hoping you can answer. If I read a great piece of writing, or see or hear a good performer I am inclined to send an email along the lines of 'bravo, well done, keep doing what you are doing.' I assume it would be nice to hear that, isn't it?
Sometimes the person will respond with a thank you - which I appreciate. Sometimes the person will not respond at all - which is fine. But sometimes the person will respond and you might get a little bit of to-ing and fro-ing and it gets to a point where I wonder if we are flirting - and then this worries me as I am happily married with young kids and don't want anyone to think that I am the pull.
Your thoughts?
I knew it, blogger just hates me. Although I do sincerely apologise if sometimes in my mid-morning drunken stupor I leave q's on the wrong Friday -- I wouldn't want you to feel I demand your time.
This said, I might as well demand some of your time and ask a question;
What is the cut-off time for Friday questions, like do they have to be left on Friday, or by midday? And do you ever get so many questions you feel you should set an upper limit on how many you will answer?
Keep up the great work, look forward to hearing about Vonnegut.
Joey Greco got knifed and I missed it?!? *gnashes teeth*
Hmmm, Crawf the smarmiest man on TV, not sure that I totally agree (maybe if we were voting on un-sharpest tool in the shed, from what former school chums have said). He has been studying at the Steven Seagal school of facial expressions though:
Fits,
Another wrong crush for you?
Hello, Nabeel.
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