Friday q and a #71.
Our q and a may be cut slightly short today, as I am on three different deadlines and doubt my editor will accept 'But I was answering a wide range of queries for faceless masses on the internet' as a reasonable excuse because she is clearly a small-minded square.
The 25th of May also marks the wedding anniversary of my folks. They like to jest that I was born the day after they got married and my mum had to be wheeled up the aisle looking like a taffeta-wrapped whale before clutching at her belly and leaking amniotic fluid all over the winery, but fear not - they are just being pricks. It was a year and a day, MARK MY WORDS.
Keating the Musical, pancakes at Gabi's, dashing away to Mt. Franklin for perfect respite...what's not to be pleased about? Surely Friday questions aren't going to give us any trouble...
Rustique said...
G’day Fits,
Hope two posts are allowed, my first one was a retraction after all. Had to share this with all and sundry. I thought it had to be a parody but it appears to be fair dinkum - which makes it even funnier.
Disclaimer: I was googling masturbation for scientific reasons alright?
1. Oh my god.
'"Find out why masturbation is harmful for your health and for your life and what you can do to stop it. Read the only step-by-step program available in the world today and you will succeed in ending the habit of masturbation and start enjoying your life to the fullest.."'
Is having a private morning fumble really that bad? Sure, you lose five minutes out of your day, but it starts you off with a spring in your step and that's not to be sniffed at.
2. Sure you were, Rustique. Sure you were.
Carry on wanking, champ.
Ryan said...
Fisty, when shall we see (in the interweb sense) the return of Bevis? He's not been scared off for good, has he?
And to the person from last week who is in Leicester Square, I'm on Fleet St, so two miles further east. So I'm staking my claim to most distant reader.
Oh, I was wondering the same thing about our old friend Bevis. I do hope he hasn't fallen off the face of the earth. BEVIS IF YOU'RE READING, CALL HOME. WE DON'T JUDGE YOUR LIFESTYLE CHOICES, WE JUST WANT TO KNOW THAT YOU'RE SAFE. DAD PROMISES NOT TO GET CROSS AGAIN. PLEASE.
p.s. Are you going to go on a date with your Leicester Square neighbour? That would be sweet. Friday q and a: facilitating commenter hook-ups since 2006.
Anonymous said...
Dear Ms Fits
You are a woman of the world (I have heard you on radio) and I was interested in your thoughts on the following situation.
I am not a man of the world. Recently I have found myself to be remarkably attractive to both sexes. Two months ago I was minding my own business in a supermarket when I looked down to find that the attractive young woman ahead of me was reading a recipe on one of my prospective purchases. Even today the girl ahead of me was giggling, apologising and lingering while fumbling with her purchases.
I'm not an impulsive person, and I doubt I will do much about it all, but I was wondering what your thoughts were on all this. I suppose what I'm wondering is: am I missing out on virtually instant sexual gratification (or as instant as it can be) with sober members of the general public, or simply the usual silliness that exists in sexual relations? Wasted hours in cafes and restaurants, in an undignified attempt to obtain sexual gratification.
I have little time or energy to waste, but I am wondering if there really is sex without guilt and dinner. Am I denying the female sex and myself transendental transport? The opportunity to engage in superficial pleasures before the dreaded personality prevails?
Mostly I suspect I am simply interested for the sake of the imagination.
I enjoy your radio show. Also, I recommend My Secret Life by Walter. I haven't heard you mention it. http://www.my-secret-life.com/
Though some of it is hideous.
Dear me, Anon. I can't say I've ever heard someone reduce the beautiful maddening comfort of the dating world to the phrase 'wasted hours in cafes and restaurants, in an undignified attempt to obtain sexual gratification'. You may be somewhat of a cynic, if I may be so bold.
Obviously for the deeper thinkers among us, the tedium of sitting before some twittering ditherer who thinks spin classes are 'totally meditative and zen, once you get into it', simply to later peel their clothes off and attend to them in a naked and thrusting fashion, is somewhat of a soul-destroying exercise. Obviously you're attracting your fair share of supermarket eye flutters and taxi-queue longing sighs, but if you really see cerebral courtship as below you, I can't see that connective and life-affirming fucks will follow. Part of the joy in eventually boning someone comes from the ever-delicate word dance that precedes, I find.
Guilt-free schedule-smart sexing is more than possible, though if you have 'little time or energy to waste' (who are you, Jamie Packer?) I suspect it may not be emotionally or mentally satisfying for you in the long run. Give these ladies a break; they're obviously smitten. They may even - if you delve hard enough - have something to say.
elated, confused & sad said...
He excites me and I hang on his every word, but he's not the man I live with. I've been happy and excited all week, but I woke up this morning and realised the futility of the situation and started crying.
Why can't I keep my emotions at bay?
Why did they surface in the first place?
Oh, this is an awful business. I'm so sorry. That emotional tsunami really is all-encompassing, isn't it? One minute you're shaking hands with someone and making polite small talk about the overpriced margaritas, the next you're lying awake at 3am unable to think about anything but their faultless neck and what it would feel like if you were to gently run your tongue along it. Why we let our guard down and allow these passions to race in unencumbered is a mystery - often it's more a reflection on doubts and fears about our own relationships rather than the lusty White Knight racing past on his Escape Option steed.
If you can, try to step away from the giddy mindfuck of pleasant daydreams and take some time alone to really sit with how you're feeling. Once you remember to exhale you may be surprised at what you find.
Anonymous said...
dear fitsy,
i know this is a late friday question, but i need your help.
last night, out of nowhere, the following song snippet, complete with 80's-sounding electric guitar riffs and cheesy back up vocals, burst into my brain unannounced, and hasn't left since.
"communication - am i getting through?
do you do the drug or does the drug do you?
communicatio oo oo oon"
this has absolutely no context for me. i can work out what it is, of course, but not when or where i might have heard it. please help me.
where did this anti-drug propaganda come from?
I am so glad I don't have to answer this one:
Kate Moss said...
Oh dear!
John Farnham - Communication
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXsZZZJZtSM
Typical Moss, you wild drug hoover.
God, that video is fucking unbearable. Whispering Jack in a special hat and double denim, actors 'role playing', high-waisted jeans, pious 'won't someone think of the children'-esque community messages. I need a shower.
the frozen turnip said...
Hello Ms Fits - And thank you kindly for the photographic conformation, you are truly the vision of cerebral delight I had envisioned. Assuming of course that the final pic is actually of you and not a photoshop from last months "Tattoed and Pigtailed Angels"(a subscription I unfortunately let lapse). How I am to know for sure? I fear the televisual investigation is my only option.
My q + a's this week are:
1)In which papers will I find your scribblings?
2)Upon which radio channel do you converse?
3)Is a return photograph of me in my underpants considered inappropriate?
regards
the frozen turnip
No no, that was me. And if you can't take my word for it:
Cloudy said...
Dear The Frozen Turnip: I can vouch that that last photo is indeed the gutter-mouthed moll herself.
Charmed, I'm sure.
Anyway:
1) You can find me polluting the pages of The Age with my inane left-wing bleeding-heart ranting pretty regularly. I write a weekly column for the Green Guide which is supposed to be about television but mostly ends up being about regular shiz going on in my life, and I'm a senior contributor to Frankie - although that's more of a Fitzroyal femme glossy than a broadsheet.
2) I have been doing a show on Melbourne's own Triple R for eleven (!) years. I also appear on 774 ABC once a fortnight, in a segment that differs vastly in tone.
3) Oh, I should say so. I encourage all of you to send me photographs of you in your knickers. Obviously it will be for my private use only and in no way will I start my own magazine called RYWHM COMMENTERZ HOT AND REDDY SEX WEEKLY.
shlinki said...
re: the 'eff-one-jay-one' thing on the rich list - this is not really a question at all, but thought i'd add my two cents:
i assumed it was a reference to the parody song made by some sydney radio jocks around the time of the first coup in fiji in 1987. someone taped it off the radio and smuggled a copy back to us in fiji, and i remember listening to it and feeling somewhat scandalised. it was to the tune of 'my name is luka', but it was called 'my name's rabuka'. i used to know it word for word, but not anymore. before the song started there was a speaky-bit that made reference to the single having been cut on an eff-one-jay-one record. i can't remember the specifics.
might not have anything to do with why he said it at all, but now you all know i watch the rich list.
Yes. Yes we do. And more fool you, may I say.
sundayalice said...
Ah to know there are others out there with the angst and the need.
What I need right now I'm sure I can find in the RYWHM village as it seems to be filled with nothing but kind warm hearts and the odd streaker flashin' his donger about which is really just right for what I need. Plus mainly rational thoughts which I am in short supply of currently.
So here's my thing with a hope that someone will find THE QUESTION in my ramblings and hopefully also THE ANSWER.
For almost 8 years now I have cohabited with another. He is quite lovely but not exactly what I would have chosen for myself back in the days when you don't yet know but just imagine for yourself.
He is undoubtedly LOVELY.
I do love him enormously. But all the days of late he is driving me crazy. Not in a 'gee you're annoying' kind of way but in an
ACTUAL
GOING
F*#%$@^*&#^#@*(&(*&#(@*........ING!!!!!
CRAZY
kind of way.
We live, work and play together, at a lovely little home in the hills where for the most part we are very happy. But we are together constantly. There is love no doubt but this is my first time at 8 years in love and I'm not sure if the craziness is unique to me/us, or if it is quite normal for them to start to drive you nuts about now. Or is it just the extreme and prolonged proximity to each other with little respite?
I am not driving him crazy, we have discussed this. He is getting slightly worn down by my constant declarations of crazyness however. I have been prolific in my discussions with him about all the crazy making he's been up to and he replies, quite rightly, with "I'm kind and I'm a good person and I love you very much. I will try more to not make you so crazy."
Good right?
I guess what I want to know is how do you ever know if the love is enough (Ah that old chestnut - feel free to treat this as hypothetical rather than an ACTUAL question). I don't NOT want to be with him, and I do love him, but from sun up to sun down he makes me crazy, frustrated, nuts. The questions, the smells, the complacency, the predictability, the expectation and the indifference.... yes I think that's everything. NUTS I TELL YOU. Not even children to bind us together or an old wedding band that needs a polish, or even a house we own together. Just a few bits of furniture, some books and love. Plans for the future I guess, the babies, the travel, the possibilities. But for now, can't get through a day without a lengthy discussion about why something, how something.
I write this now because today I grabbed his ears, shook his head and growled like a bear. (Don't worry I didn't hurt him).
Please help. What should I do?
I have been thinking about this question since you posted it last week, as it raises many interesting issues* and the other day I had a cup of tea with a dear friend who has been experiencing similar 'oh god is this all there is'-type mind moanings re: her decade-long relationship. We held hands and compared notes on single life versus settled domesticity, and wondered aloud if our situations were reversed we'd still be singing the same sad and sorry song. By the sounds of things you're dealing with the combination of soaked-in overfamiliarity and the somewhat isolating gasp of country living, which - though blissful in so many regards - can be confronting when your main source of action/love/company is wrapped up in one lovely but well-worn package.
I'm glad you're able to discuss your stirrings with your feller, though agree that it must be difficult for him to wake up every morning and see you sighing deeply into your Earl Grey and staring out the window dreaming of another life. Is there no-one else you can nut this heart-conundrum out with? Surely the Hills are equipped with professional brain/relationship healers, and by the sounds of things it may not hurt to open up the forum to someone who has studied crazy-makings full-time.
Perhaps expanding the social circle past the two of you would help, too - breakfasting apart occasionally, going out on the town with a mate til 3 in the morning, taking a holiday alone. It's impossible to digest these torrid emotings when every corner you turn around reveals his worried smile, so I suggest you take a step back and pause. More sense will arise.
*This is the most Dr.Phil beginning to a Friday a that I have ever written. I am surely going to hell.
Anonymous said...
I must strongly disagree with placing 'lefty Tim' quite so high on the favoured big brother contestant list. He is now employed as a spruiker for the Royal Hotel and spends his time wandering around Sydney Uni grabbing the arms of unsuspecting philosophy students and breathing unpleasantly in their faces while extolling the virtues of bingo night and happy hour.
My question is: can the left ladies of the blogosphere please unite him to do something more useful?
I'll have to discuss that with the Left Ladies Committee, Anon. Tim really did win our hearts way back in 2005, and it may be difficult to tear him down from that idealistic pedestal we inelegantly placed him and his fauxhawk on after his departure from the Big Brother house. O, to have an eloquent, passionate, politically-driven housemate confusing the feather-heads with his carefully-considered diatribes this year. O TO HAVE IT.
p.s. Currently considering options for LT. At the moment workshopping: political gigolo, Julia Gillard/me PA, human cannonball. Any other suggestions?
Ms Erable said...
Dear Ms Fits,
Another agony aunt question, if you'd oblige me. I've been feeling quite sad about my non-existent love life lately - I never have any luck with the fellas, and last week I finally got up the courage to ask out a man on whom I have a debilitating crush, and he told me he has a girlfriend.
However, I've been making plans to meet up with and fuck a man from interstate whom I met on the internet. For a while I was really enthusiastic about this, but now I'm not sure I want to go through with it. For one thing, I'm so depressed right now that I've lost interest in sex. Also, he's almost ten years younger than me and kind of an idiot. Nor is he particularly 'hot' - to be honest with you, I've mostly been into him because he's so into me, and because he's a sure thing. I would be embarrassed if any of our mutual internet acquaintances were to know we'd had sex.
My question is: should I go through with this interstate sex plan just to break my insanely long drought and to cheer myself up, or would that be unfair to my unwittingly irritating online paramour? And how can I make myself forget about the guy I actually like, oh he's broken my heart.
To be honest, by the sounds of things your interstate love affair would more likely send you into a self-loathing spiral, given that you're: a) already toeing the line of heart-sads, b) not that into your potential partner, and c) completely hung up on someone else. I do understand the need for love and comfort and spooning, and you're well within your rights to seek it wherever you can. If you were to be fairly open about your forward romantic plans/state of mind, I don't doubt Mr. LoverLover would deal with a one-off should you be that way inclined. But sometimes these hollow encounters do less to boost belly-warmth and more to shut us away from the world. I'd advise against, but if you do go ahead with it try not to beat up on yourself.
Good luck.
Anonymous said...
Hi.
You work at the Age.
Is Catherine Deveny as annoying and vapid as she comes across in her columns?
That is my question.
Firstly, I work for the Age. They don't actually allow me in the building after
Secondly, I happen to find Catherine Deveny's columns fucking funny and off-the-cuff. Did you read the one about McLeod's Daughters? Oh yeah, she went there.
Thirdly, I have only met C. Deveny once and found her to be a motormouthed delight with a sense of humour so lovely and sharp and wrong she made me gasp and laugh at the same time, which is quite difficult when you're trying to eat a gyoza. Clearly she's not to your taste, which is quite alright as if we all liked the same things the world would turn into Summer Bay and someone would have to be Dieter Brummer; a fate I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy.
Anonymous said...
Hi FizzleFits,
Are your friends really offensive, repellent, disgusting and stinking? This is what 'noisome' means. Noisesome, on the other hand, doesn't exist, despite your addition now making a grand total of 570 entries on G**gle. Plain, old-fashioned 'noisy' is a good word.
Second question - do you still love me? Because I really am FOTB (friend of this blog), and my pedantry is well-intentioned.
Kisses.
I appreciate your pedantry Anon (and love you immeasurably for it), but the thing is I LIKE TO MAKE UP WORDS. My official title is 'Ms Fits, Neologist PHD', though I don't like to use it in mixed company as it tends to intimidate the ladies. Also: my friends really are offensive, repellent, disgusting and stinking. They're like Pig-Pen from Peanuts, but as a collective.
Cloudy said...
Any completely unsubstantiated sex tales should be posted below to be picked over by government lawyers next Friday.
I have heard it on the grapevine/completely made it up that Vanstone's move to Italy was prompted by Christopher Pyne "getting her into trouble."
...and that's me off my lunch. Thanks for sharing, Cloudy. My lawyers will be in touch.
Statler said...
Sorry, I have no idea what my friend Waldorf's e-mail is about. It seemed to me like he'd just seen a porno version of Grey's Anatomy, all those 'Mc' titles he used.
I could have actually gone back and researched his reference, read last week's Q and A, but I haven't done that.
So, despite being called out, I do not have an adequate response on the topic of semen. Though, I have watched a lot of crime shows and I ahve learned that if you do ever kill someone, don't leave your semen around the place. They seem to be able to find every tiny speck with that purple/blue semen light.
But as this is the Friday Q and A, I should pose a question, shouldn't I? Okay, Fits, do you get a lot of male attention based on your writing alone. This may be hard to measure, given there are photos of you available, but I mean do you have many gents asking you to spend time with them without you ever physically meeting these people beforehand?
I've had a couple of fellers make the blog-woo at me back in the old days when every second commenter didn't announce my real name to the world, so I guess so. I've certainly found myself swoony over gentleman bloggers without being privy to their physicalness and have come quite close to losing my gourd like the worst kind of girl just because someone throws a clever word into a funny post SO WHO AM I TO CAST THE FIRST STONE.
Also:
cvm said...
To Waldorf,
As you may see above, alas i am not your friend Statler. Also i am more of the feminine pursuasion.
And even my pseudonym can't pull "cum" as her initials.
xx cvm
Mystifying. Truly mystifying.
Is this some kind of hook-up that I'm completely missing?
Anonymous said...
hello oh ms fits
i suppose my questions would be
whats your favourite
band ?
movie ?
tv show(ever)?
album ?
book ?
political leader ?
haha
hope all is well
much love from the nations capital
Hello oh Anon.
1. I couldn't really choose a favourite band, but at the moment I'm listening pretty much non-stop to the Little Red EP and the Eddy Current Suppression Ring record as it is a work of genius and makes me feel good all over.
2. Bugsy Malone. And Happiness.
3. Ever? Dang. Probably a toss up between Degrassi Junior High, The Late Show, and Family Guy. That's three isn't it? I am bending the rules like the worst kind of bastard.
4. Mick Turner's Marlan Rosa.
5. A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole, and Ask The Dust by John Fante. I am also perspiringly partial to A Farewell To Arms, Slaughterhouse 5, and most Martin Amis.
6. Gough. Surely that's an obvious choice.
Joseph said...
This here is the 18637th comment on yer bloog, Fits. 1002 of them have been written by you (congratulations). You're well and truly eclipsed by Anonymous though, on 3917.
Happy to field statistical requests from number nerds.
1002 out of 18637 isn't that bad, really. I kind of let you folk say what you want, with nary a peep. You should enjoy my humble and sweet demeanour.
Ruth said...
Why do i enjoy watching the Australian Christian Channel so much?
1. Because they have shows like 'Bed Bug Bible Gang' ("Buzzing around through different biblical stories, The Bed Bug Bible Gang uses rhymes, songs, and games to teach "the youngest kid in the pew" about the Bible. These BedBugs ask child-like questions and give child-like explanations to some of the Bibles most powerful stories. So grab your imagination, find a comfy seat, and get ready for The Bed Bug Bible Gang!") and 'Destined To Reign' hosted by cool-ass pastors like Joseph Prince:
2. Because anything's better than Big Brother Up Late when you're high on reefer.
3. Because we may as well seize our chance to mock the god-botherers now by sitting back on the couch and laughing at their pleated dockers as in a hundred years time they'll be raining shit down on us in hell and we probably won't enjoy it much.
Ben said...
In response to the soon-to-be-Temptationer's comment, when on Who Wants to be a Millionaire, I took the opportunity to let fly with a rather cutting quip at the expense of Eddie's Collingwood. Such clever-dickery is apt to make you a legend amongst your acquaintances, so I recommend it. Sadly, Channel Nine edited out my anecdote about having a honeymoon in Frankston.
Also, I went to uni with Tim from Big Brother. A rather nice chap, with an air of great intensity, a propensity to argue passionately in class on political topics, and seemingly no interest whatsoever in graduating.
Such musings actually fit in with what I wanted to ask, which is, is it bad of me to want to be famous? Although willing to debase myself to some extent (cf. Australia's Got Talent) I do want to be famous for something GOOD, not just anything, but I do admit I crave fame. I have friends, and immediate family members, who have a certain level of fame, and it inspires jealousy in me. I mean, I am happy my sister's successful, but also jealous, particularly as she's successful doing what I want to do but have so far failed at. I want to be GREAT, but I cannot deny I want the celebrity too. Is that bad?
Also, have you ever seen the film Condorman starring Michael Crawford?
Thanksings you for playing the Interwebz 3000 with me once more. You are much more lovely and fragrant than those other peoples in photos. Bye.
Oh, PS. I was inquiring as to whether you submit to being interviewed. I sort-of kind-of have an embryonic idea about a series of interviews with funny folks, and you are one of those. But this isn't a formal request or anything because like I said, it is an idea vulnerable to spontaneous abortion. But I was interested. Anyway. Glad you're well. Bye!
PPS Once more, too long, too stupid, apologies.
I don't think it's bad to crave recognition and fame if that's your boat-floater, Ben. What kind of celebrity do you want to be exactly? Are you jonesing for people to shyly approach you on the street and say 'Are you...you are, right? You're that author guy! Can you sign my book/breasts/newborn? Make it out to 'Poppa''? Or would you prefer being chased down supermarket aisles by ladies with big breasts and shrieking laughs? Think these things through carefully, my friend. Everyone likes a public pat on the back on occasion, but it's another thing entirely to have over-ripe avocados pelted at you every time you leave the house because you once forgot to turn up at a charity dinner for blind pygmy children on trolleys.
p.s. No to Condorman so far.
Anonymous said...
Hmmm. I actually saw you breakfasting with those boys and they were all very, very handsome. Where do we form the orderly queue?
Aren't they though? I am certainly lucky to have such comely dining companions, I must say. I'm sure if you were to slip me your number I could line you up on a date with one of them as they're more than open to being pimped out by a loving friend and may I add that they are dynamos 'twixt sheets or so I am told.
N said...
According to the Book Club newsletter that just arrived in my inbox I see that Richard E Grant will be a guest of the show..
Could you flutter your eyelashes at him just once for me?? you see I've had quite the crush on him ever since I was a moody drama student in the early 90's (who watched Withnail and I one too many times)and then when I was in his vicinity during a movie about a duck some years later.. He is grand.
If you can't flutter would you mind just reporting back on your time spent sitting near him??
I promise I will attempt to flutter if I'm not simply hiding behind my copy of Alice in Wonderland and refusing to come out. We shoot on June 2nd - if I survive relatively unscathed I shall report back with details, promise.
Anonymous said...
Sex and politics, does it mix?
http://www.movielol.org/performance.php?name=Ms%20Fits
If Julia Gillard did this I would vote for her. Mmmmmmm! Reheads!
I panicked slightly when I saw the html address in that link and had to rewind through the filofax in my brain to make sure I hadn't gone around recording any kind of sexy political movies, but then I clicked on it and saw some nice Asian lady making licky tongues through her fingers and felt decidedly queer. Do you really want Julia Gillard to perform in such a cheap fashion? I think it would throw me a bit, to be honest. I can't imagine what kind of sordid activities it would force Joe Hockey into, either.
I'm not Craig said...
I have just watched that “God delusion” documentary on the ABC.
Is there a record for the most times the word teapot has been used in a sentence in the space of 45 seconds? And did Richard Dawkins make this documentary primarily with the goal of breaking that record?
If not, then what was he doing?
I didn't see the doco, though I have read the book and know what you're referring to. He's a curious chap, our Richard. Presumably he had more academic goals in mind when arranging funding for his televisual excursion than 'HAY GUYS CHECK OUT MY TEAPOT TALLY', though one can never be certain.
A white-coated type responds:
scientist said...
Dear I'm Not Craig.... I have not yet seen the TV version of The God Delusion. I must say though, that having struggled for many years to reconcile my understanding of logic and science with my Catholic guilt, and being one of those annoying people who sits on the fence when it comes to God, this book has been a source of great inspiration to me in that I am actually questioning my stance on these issues now instead of putting them on the shelf for later.
More to the point though - it is fucking hilarious!! Seriously. That gentlman has a wonderful (albeit occasionally nasty) turn of phrase. I have been startling fellow travellers for the last two days. And Ms Fits - I have never been considered a slouch with the English language but I have been giving my dictionary a severe workout whilst reading this. You may enjoy it for that aspect alone. Which leads to my question(s).
Have you read it? And, if so, how many times did you use your dictionary? Is it rather strange for a committed lesbian to find a(n old) man attractive because he's smart and writes well??
i) I struggled with The God Delusion for a few reasons, scientist.
1. I grew up in a completely non-religious environment and feel somewhat out of the loop with Godly business.
2. The language of science confounds me. Utterly.
3. I was expected to go on television the day after finishing and debate the book's worth with Germaine Greer.
You try poring over a book of puzzling language and highbrow astrological theorem knowing one of the great feminist intellectuals of our time is going to tear you a new one should you mispronounce the word 'Gomorrah'.
ii) I probably dipped into the Concise Oxford a few times, but I enjoy this very much as an activity so wasn't overly bothered.
iii) Oh! Not at all. Beautiful language transcends age and sexuality. I get dizzy for Oscar Wilde's fables, and I hardly think he'd be asking me out for a drink and trying it on for a bash. In addition to his rampant gayness he's dead, which would no doubt make meeting the parents a bit awkward for all concerned.
snorks said...
On the weekend an acquaintance of mine pointed me in the direction of New Buffalo:
http://www.myspace.com/newbuffalomusic
I have been haunted all week by the fragile, yet angelic sounds. "Cheer Me Up Thank You" opens with "So it goes". For some reason it keeps reminding me of RYWHM. Have you heard them/her before?
Of course. I've known Sally for about ten years on and off, through the Avalanches mob. I haven't yet heard the new record, but I own the 16 Beats EP and find it suitably ethereal and bewitching and am very pleased she's making such a name for herself.
Interesting RYWHM fact - I actually live in her old apartment. So there you go.
lwin said...
Ms Fits,
Short-time lurker, first time poster, etc, etc.
I notice a little comment in the GG, regarding your Logies review and your "lack of respect for your readers".
What are your thoughts?
Hola lwin,
From memory the nice letter-writing man suggested I shouldn't have watched the Logies if I was just going to bag them out, which worried me somewhat as if I only wrote about shows I liked the column would degenerate into some kind of saccharine lightweight self-congratulatory bit of fluff even moreso than it is now, ZING. I don't think I disrespect readers of the GG as I am patently whoring myself out each week to try and make them laugh, and I also attempt to respond to their mail when they bother to write to me.
If you're asking me how I feel about negative feedback in the press, I'm quite used to it by now. Although you can be certain I'll be leaving the sacred Logies Awards well alone from now on lest my jestings upset the apple cart once more.
p.s. Bindi Irwin fans didn't much care for the piece either.
regretful said...
Frankly, this is possibly unforgiveable.
I met a "former colleague" for drinks tonight. Haven't seen him in at least three years. Discovered upon arriving that:
a/ he got married just over a year ago
b/ he has also, 18 months ago, fathered a child, outside this marriage, with a stripper from his best friend's buck's night
c/ HE HAS JOINED THE LIBERAL PARTY AND THINKS JOHN HOWARD IS "CLEVER"
My dilemma:
Despite the obvious disincentives listed above, I still got thoroughly shickered and, after having a completely inappropriate and partially naked groping session in an alley way, I dragged him back to my place and we, well, you know, shagged.
My questions:
Just how much can I blame on six glasses of Spanish Red?! It was actually really great, and it's been a long time between drinks, but REALLY, how desperate does a woman have to be?
Can I ever look at myself in the mirror again?
Oh dear. That is rather a dilemma, is it not? I'm not sure I could bring myself to rub nudels with a cheating, stripper-banging, Liberal-voting part-time father of one, though I've certainly entertained my share of morally ambiguous bedmates. Obviously the liquor didn't help much and yes, we've all listed dangerously into the realm of 'dang it to hell, he just made out with me in full view of the world and you only live once like Melanie Griffith in Something Wild etc' without properly considering how we may feel waking up the next day in a gin-soaked haze wondering why on earth we let someone with a penchant for tax breaks and Steven Seagal movies take our knickers home as a souvenir.
I don't think you should be too hard on yourself - like you said, it was a great experience. And I believe we can all agree that John Howard is 'clever', though some of us may say it with less admiration than others. You are free to keep your politics and your bedmates far removed, my friend. After all, it worked for Gareth and Cheryl.
Miff said...
Why oh why do I always manage to smudge nail polish before it has finished drying and then chip it as soon as it is dry?
Isn't that Murphy's Law, Miff? Not a particularly cheery set of legal guidelines, nor one that I prescribe to, but in the case of your poor foxy nails it would certainly seem to be the case.
Have you thought about fakies?
mik said...
Hi Ms Fits,
I saw you this morning in a cafe named after a 70s artist whose first name is Christine. Anyhow, I turned and smiled at you on my way out and you smiled back. It made me go all gushy and the rest of my day exuded happiness. I guess this is me expressing gratitude for that smile!
Now, I'm not sure how I can turn all this into a question. Perhaps you can suggest something?
Spanks,
Mik
You're the second person to spot me in a cafe and not say hello, Mik. From memory I was breakfasting with Co**on on Wednesday and am now terribly worried that we were sharing medically unsound secrets at the top of our voices with nary a care as to who was listening. I really need to learn to shut up if you lot are lurking nearby with secret smiles and pots of tea.
Also: this harks back to a discussion we had in Friday q and a some weeks ago about smiling at strangers on the street. I am a firm believer in the random smile and may I say that your question just paid it all back in full. A pleasure to make your acquaintance.
We have another local in the house:
Anonymous said...
Mik, it's such an adorable place, but it can take 40 mins to get a coffee ... !
Ms Fits, how do you have the patience to eat there? I've taken my custom to Cavallero, not least for the Cameron-from-Ferris-Bueller look-alike owner.
I will wait days for their baked beans with fetta. Though I've never found them overly tardy, oddly. Perhaps all that deranged smiling means they're in a hurry to get rid of me.
Rest assured Cavallero is my coffee stop most mornings, for the combination of said beverage and aforementioned charm of Kent. Va, as they say, and voom.
Please note: we are currently enjoying 'banter'.
C. Squid said...
Greetings and Salutations Fitz
Favorite sooty show character and why?
Oh Sweep, certainly. I do love a man who isn't afraid to wear wellingtons.
Anonymous said...
Dear Ms Fits,
Now that you have posted a photo of yourself in your jocks, can we request outfits? Perhaps a school uniform?
You could open a site and charge membership for weekly photos of you in different outfits. Thoughts?
I'm not a bloody paper dress-ups doll, you know. The photograph of me in my jocks already existed on the internerd and posting it involved absolutely zero effort on my part. The idea of fielding a bunch of sweaty requests for sexy photo outfits from a team of anonymous pervies doesn't exactly fill me with delight. Moreover, charging membership fees for a site devoted solely to pictures of me decked out as a milkmaid sounds suspiciously like pornography and is not a career choice I wish to make as yet, thank you for asking.
miss_teary_us said...
On my way out this morning I crossed paths with an angelic child riding with his Dad on a tandem bike, presumably on the way to school.
That's a bit much, isn't it? I don't want to join forces with those bitter people who find happiness annoying, but can tandem bikes really be used for practical things like dropping a kid off at school? At 8.20 on a weekday morning?
You're absolutely right, miss teary. Those people and their musical theatre lives are hideously wholesome and should be stopped. Next thing you know we'll be bumping into the Von Trapp children merrily dancing down the street in their matching clothes and making us queue for the ice cream freezer at the 7-11. Why they must rub their suburban contentment into our walk of shame is truly appalling.
On the plus side, I saw a father and child on a shoddily put-together tandem recently and watched with interest to see if any Funniest Home Videos-type scenarios were set to occur. You make the best of these things sometimes, you see.
Anonymous said...
Multiple choice question, this week:
"Catherine Deveny:
a) annoying idiot
b) evil fuck
?"
I believe I have made my feelings about Ms. Deveny perfectly clear earlier in the q and a.
Gracious, you lot can be a tough crowd.
Pusia said...
You know how everybody has those pending loves, of the 'we'll meet again' ilk?
What happens if your last remaining love turns out to be a fat fascist fuck?
I want a detailed strategy.
(The last time you gave me love advice was a year and a half ago and it was pretty spot on)
I'm a bit confused by this question, Pusia. Do you mean that you've had lingering open-door feelings for someone who has blown out and developed a love of Thatcherism? Or are you asking what might happen if one by one your precious hand-holding options pare back until you're left with Pudge-o the Nazi? If it's the latter then I'd wager you're still yet to meet the last remaining love. If it's the former, then I'd nearly sidestep the 'why don't you text me e.e.cummings stanzas at midnight anymore' questions and explain seriously that you think you've met someone and don't feel it's right to continue partaking in any type of 'one day we'll be together' discussions as you are a morally just citizen.
Have I missed your point completely? Do please explain; I'd hate to let you down given our track record.
Anonymous said...
fits.
what do you make of televisionwithoutpity.com?
are you watching Hell's Kitchen?
cheers.
1. I hadn't seen it, though it looks like it may get me out of a pickle during future panicky GG deadlines. How do these people know so much about television? Do they not have dogs and orange teacake to distract them?
2. No, but I'm always a fan of shouty red-faced chef shows as they combine my two loves of emoting and food. Is it worth watching?
Anonymous said...
hey there fitsy,
long time reader first time poster... I'm a big fan of your work on the book show and the Sunday arts program. Will you kindly answer the following questions.
1 -Do you really have a crush on Mel Gibson? I sensed an admiration that was not entirely innocent.
2 - Is it true that you are dating a journo from the world of football?
3 - Is it serious?
4 - I read of your swinger party adventure but was not sure whether you were merely an observer or a participant...please clarify.
5 - I'm having a son in 3 weeks time, what do you think of the following names?
Hamish
Ross
Stephen
Hello LTRFTP - nice to have you 'on board'.
1. I most certainly do not have a crush on Mel Gibson. I think he's a homophobic misogynistic prick. If you detected any half-smiles on the show it's probably because I was thinking 'what a homophobic misogynistic prick' and trying not to bump into the scenery.
2. No. I was in a long-term relationship with a journo from the world of football, but that was ten years ago now.
3. Clearly not, as he's married someone else. The fiend.
4. A little of both, Anon. Within reason, of course.
*nods mysteriously*
5. I like 'Hamish' the best out of those. I have an opprobriously handsome friend named Hamish who gets about in a leather jacket and a brooding expression and makes all the ladies go a bit limp. Your boy could do a lot worse, you know.
p.s. Best of luck with your birthings.
********
That's quite enough out of me for one day. I am heading out to have cocktails with Booky, then celebrating the fellow Geminian birthdays of Redrum and Clem's boy Matt.
Tomorrow I turn 31, and Gabi is making me pancakes while I allow her perfect daughter to sick up on me. Bliss.
Leave your questions for next week in the comments below. Apologies for anyone who missed out, you'll be first up on Friday 1st.
Thanks for playing, and remember:
172 days til the next election.
Labels: u
Comments
Hi Fits
Me first, me first!! Happy birthday! Should I send a gift? What would you like? I feel much obligied as you have been brightning my day most days for a good two years now and I have narry provided one small gift.
Ok, last week I stopped at a pedestrian crossing for the people to cross, low and behold who should cross in front of my humble little car bonnet? Amanda Vanstone no less! To my utter shame I just sat in my stationary car with my jaw in my lap. What should I have done with this prime opportunity?
x
teaspoon
Me second, me second...story of my sad life...
Ms Fits,
I loved your GG article on footy. I too am a former fitzroy tragic who cannot bring myself to support the brisbane bears although after three premierships in a row I started rethinking my stance. My questions to you fair lady is what will it take for you to again follow a team? I so want to a born again footy head but just don't know how to go about it.
I also noticed that you mentioned in the aforementioned article a night of wine and pyjama parties with a handsome bass player! Did you finally score with the hunky one from Jet and if not why not and who is the mystery man?
Much Love
otter
ps what did you do for your 31st? I ask because I spent mine in an induced coma.
Bugger, I was hoping to be the first to say "Happy birthday tiger". Oh well...
As I still have a long Friday of work ahead of my, the ability to formulate any pithy question at this point is beyond me. So...did you ever eat Clag glue as a child. I've been trying to explain to my workmates how it was a staple of a large percentage of 5 year old Australians' diets.
Re: lefty tim "grabbing the arms of unsuspecting philosophy students and breathing unpleasantly in their faces" at Sydney Uni, I think it should be pointed out that this was his past-time for many years before becoming an ex-Big Brotherer. He has been an habituee of the Sydney Uni Arts Student Milieu for almost ten years now, breathing heavily on anything pretty that passes. It's not a symptom of failed celebrity, it's a lifestyle choice, and Tim is still lovely and still wins the vote of this lefty lady of the blogosphere (and previously SU campus, shoutout to the newtown kidz).
Hmmm, I left a comment for last week's Q&A regarding a certain musical appendage, noting that your birthday was forthcoming and needing some guidance on what to get the girl about town. Now I'm at a lost on what exactly to get......
What does the girl about town need???.....cue "That Girl" theme song, which I might add, is very much our own Ms Fits.......images of you strolling the streets of Melbourne, flying the political kite ensue.
hmmmm........um, yes well, where were we?
Happy Birthday beautiful.
why happy birthday! i do hope that your birthday weekend was filled with love, laughter, drinking and debauchery (and not necessarily in that order).
not so much a question as a statement that i wanted to share with the fine people of RYWHM.
i do believe i have found the love of my life. he's smart and cute. he cooks. he makes me laugh (and i him). he holds my hand when walking, and bear hugs me when we stop. he makes me tea.
AND we haven't slept together - on HIS suggestion. we are waiting until the horror that is my uni exams are over. although this doesn't stop me wanting to have him naked in my bed.
i am in a state of bliss.
Is there a 'How far away are you?' competition. I raise Ryan's paltry (PALTRY!) Fleet Street, with Old Street. That's a good 20 minutes east-er than he.
Tell me I'm a winner
please?
Another Gemini! Happy Birthday MsFits. I've still got a few weeks to go (I'd almost forgotten).
Have you finally caught up with "Boston Legal" - I nearly fall off my couch on a regular basis with the laughing.
Frank from Abbotsford
For starters, that "www.taketheaction.com checklist.... I ticked every box for christs sake!! Guess I'm going to hell....
"I want to watch pornographic content on the Internet all the time although I don't masturbate. I know inside myself that this habit is not a positive one because it is taking the time that I could use to do something which is more fulfilling and constructive." ...... NOT!!
*Now that verification (now x2 ! )was a mouthful..... given a few jugs of sangria!! phew
Happy birthday!
So, my question is this: I've been seeing a woman for a few months and I have formed this horrible, sneaking suspicion from offhand comments that she has made that she may actually be a Liberal voter.
I have no idea what to do. Can you help me?
Happy Happy.
In response to
Pusia said...
You know how everybody has those pending loves, of the 'we'll meet again' ilk?
What happens if your last remaining love turns out to be a fat fascist fuck?
I want a detailed strategy.
(The last time you gave me love advice was a year and a half ago and it was pretty spot on)
Fitsy:
I'm a bit confused by this question, Pusia. Do you mean that you've had lingering open-door feelings for someone who has blown out and developed a love of Thatcherism? Or are you asking what might happen if one by one your precious hand-holding options pare back until you're left with Pudge-o the Nazi? If it's the latter then I'd wager you're still yet to meet the last remaining love. If it's the former, then I'd nearly sidestep the 'why don't you text me e.e.cummings stanzas at midnight anymore' questions and explain seriously that you think you've met someone and don't feel it's right to continue partaking in any type of 'one day we'll be together' discussions as you are a morally just citizen.
Have I missed your point completely? Do please explain; I'd hate to let you down given our track record.
Basically, this guy and I see each other every three years, and now he is a lump of fascist porridge.
So as I have pretty much answered my own question, and as I have exhausted all those other pending maybe-loves...I ask you- where to now?
This post has been removed by the author.
hey fits-face,
i don't really have any questions, just wanted to touch base and say howdy. i would have totally taken you to the work cocktail shindig, but i fear you would have ultimately been embarassed by my horrible white-boy dancing after the event at a nasty south melbourne club whose name i will not mention.
next time, though.
Happy birthday Fits, hope that you enjoy Keating. Let us know what you think of it (saw it on my birthday & thought it was a great treat).
Happy Birthday Ms Fits.
Wishing you every lovely thing.
Thanks for making me laugh, my favourite this week "Pudge-o the Nazi".
xx
Happy Birthamaday you gigantic-brained, cheeky, sex-pot petal, you!
Eat a box of fancy chocolates immediately!
I was thinking long and hard about our Blogger's Netball Team (until I forgot about it) and have now decided to abandon the idea for the formation of a Girl Band. Obviously there needs to be about 5 members and each girl must have a theme/genre/character and it will be blatantly ripping off the Spice Girls but I will call it an homage. I can't sing or dance but I can pose and I like playing dress ups... would you like to join?
Lovely Fits, I hope you have a wonderful birthday and spend the weekend immersed in debauchery and joy.
Fen
if one more person uses the phrase "long time reader, first time commenter" or the like i'll boycott this blog by frowning at everyone i have eye contact with in public.
that out of the way, how did your big 31st go?
presents, kisses, nudie runs etc?
CONDOR MAN ROCKS!
Golly gee, I wish I could watch it again. So many years ago now.
con-dor maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!
Oh yeah, Happy Birthday Ms. Fits. We all (well, most of us) love you to bits - kissy, kissy, huggie wuggsy.
My mum died on the 26th three years ago from cancer. She was 360 degrees of awesome too.
So seize the day - as they say. No need for Latin interpretation, no doubt.
I had always thought Catherine Deveny seemed completely unhinged, not to mention rather coarse.
Then the other week I heard a story that confirmed this (oh my, did it ever).
Anyway ... happy birthday happy soul x
Why do you think people find Catherine Deveny so jarring? I find her three parts hilarious to two parts annoying, but she certainly doesn't tangle my britches too much. Surely not everyone who writes to The Age/carps on the tram/comments on your page can be a wounded writer of McLeod's Daughters. With regard to your fans, is it possible that they see her as the Beta light entertainment columnist to your Alpha, and feel the need to bare their canines in her direction? As for the rest of the World, what's the beef?
Hey Fits,
Happy birthday etc etc.
I have an etiquette question;
Today I was sitting out the front of the NGV, killing time with my son. I was consumed with looking at a photo of a poo on my phone, and he was consumed with consuming a cupcake. It was a blissful little moment of togetherness, as you could imagine.
My poo gazing was interrupted by my son pointing out through the half cupcake crammed in his mouth that someone was taking photos of us. I looked up to see a woman squeeze another one off*, smile, and walk away.
Later I went in to the gallery to collect my daughter who'd been at a kids' art class there. She was showing me a bunch of drawings she'd done when I noticed a flash going off. Sure enough, it was the same woman, heading up an escalator, smiling again.
Now it's important to note that both my kids (the boy is three and the girl six, btw) are undeniably gorgeous. My daugther has even been shown in a graphic on the channel nine news (she and her peers were described as human bridges over a river of fear in the news piece, which is a description I have ever since wished for myself). I can therefore understand people feeling an impulse to photograph them, I just can't understand the way the impulse was acted upon in this instance.
In any case, this was not a professional or student photographer - her camera looked distinctly amateur. Not a word was said to either me or the kids to see if we were happy about being her subjects and nor were we told what the photos would be used for.
Why would someone do this? Have I just 'made' the worst surveillance operative ever? Is there some sort of fatherboy website I can expect to see myself on shortly ? Or will there just be a picture in Vice accusing us of having fat arses?
Am I being uptight?
* ooh err, I know it sounds rude
Dear Ms Fits,
Thanks for the weekly chuckle. I mostly wanted to say I was tickled you like the name Hamish, given that it is mine also. Sadly I had to look up "opprobriously" in a dictionary.
In the interests of actually (pretending to) ask a question, is the confession booth likely to be a regular feature? I did enjoy it though I was as usual too disorganised to post myself..
Better late than never... (said the bishop, etc.)
Happy birthday for yesterday, Ms Fits. Did the birthday fairy bring you any nice presents? Will there be another 'Birthday Present Mash-up' competition as there was last year? (Surfboard foot rope and a personal pleasure device, if I recall correctly.)
THANK YOU RICH! I'm still waiting for a Condorman sequel, but I'm afraid Michael Crawford is too corpulent. I have it on DVD, I think I'm the only person I know who can say that.
I want to weigh in on Catherine Deveny: I often agree with what she writes, but I do think she's annoying through being not as funny as she thinks she is. I should stress that nobody should care what I think in the least. But I do still wonder what the hell she was on about with that story about prancing around the streets waving breadsticks.
Oh, this isn't my question! Don't look at me!
OK, this is my question (and Happy Birthday):
In order to accurately describe someone as your "best friend", do they have to consider you the same? IOW, is the person who is my closest friend my best friend because they are the closest, or does the fact they have about twenty closer friends than ME invalidate the best friendness?
N.B. I am not as big a loser as this question makes me seem. I am, however, as big a loser as all my others did.
Happy birth anniversary Fitsulism. You constantly entertain, inform, and educate in ways that fill me with hope that I may one day transform from general awkwardness in to witty, smart person that people come to ask for advice and stay for the hotness. If only we had more of you, and less of certain promobarbie-cum-blogger-cum-columnists as CityKat Feeney up here in Ye Olde Beattie town, the world and its populace would be a brighter place.
Somewhat on that note: who do you think makes the better Agony Aunt - a person that always seems to make all the correct life-choices, or someone who makes lots of mistakes and seems to learn from them? And where does an Agony Aunt turn when in need of emotional signposts?
Dear Fits,
Do you regard yourself as an Agony Aunt or has this mantle been thrust upon you?
Well I'm here to thrust: what can a lad do who seems to find himself emitting platonic "let's just be friends" feromones by the bucket load? I am regarded by my friends (and by myself if I may be so bold) to be intelligent and witty, I am in reasonable shape and every facial feature is within the generally accepted confines of size and location. The platonic feromones however seem to overpower the effect of my reasonably attractive mid-20's exterior.
Unlike some of my friends who seem to be fighting off flusies with blunt instruments - treating their girlfriends like shit and cheating on them with an alarming absence of qualms - I have a healthy respect of women (being raised by a mother who read the Feminine Eunuch you see). However this seems to do me no good. Do some women actually want to be treated like shit? I have read somewhere that women will actually seek out blokes who will take them on an emotional roller coaster rather than go for your stable "nice guy" type (i.e. me) - discuss.
Thank you for listening, hope you had a happy birthday.
Cheers,
Bob
Word verification: txfuxhim. The motto of the Australian Tax Office?
Bob, you sound adorable.
Can I set you up with my sister? She's in a similar predicament.
She looks like Nigella Lawson and has a wicked sense of humour, but watches on as all her dim-witted beige friends beat boys off with sticks.
Eddie Current Suppression Ring are so damn good. Ive known the drummer and his brother for years and years and they are all great guys. Would you do a Kate Hudson and provide these lads some post gig entertainment, a la the band aids, or is that below your station a little bit?
Hi Fits,
My friend who recommended this site is certain that you are a right wing conspiracy to make lefties look silly. She is also of the belief that Andrew Bolt is a communist who pretends to be a crazy redneck to make the right-wingers look bad. Despite this she reads both of your work religiously and hates you both equally. I wanted to be a good friend and hate you too but although its easy to loathe Bolt I find you rather amusing and difficult to hate. But seriously are you so completely one dimensional in your policitial/social outlook or is that part of the persona? You seem too intelligent and insightful to be such a cliché. That was meant as a compliment, really it was!
I've read a couple of your Green Guide articles and I may be wrong but it seems to me that you really don't like television - and who can blame you? - So why do you write for the Green Guide when you could be writing reviews of books, concerts, albums?
Talking about television, I feel ashamed to confess that I was part of Rove's studio audience last night. The shame I feel as I type this is only relieved by the fact that I made eye contact with Mark from Jet and I think we could be happy together if we ever meet again. I read in an earlier question that you may be bumping uglies (I feel naughty typing that) with him - is that true you man stealing bitch?
If its not true, I apologise and ask who are you bumping uglies with? Please give full details as I'm not getting any at the moment.
My friend with the conspiracy theories thinks you're a raging lezzo (her words, not mine) - is she right? If she's not, who would you turn gay for? I'm rather keen on Miss Universe, what do you think of our Jennifer?
And last of all, in q&a 69 (hehe) you said you were off to a date with your ex- whats that about? Are you a fan of intermittently bumping uglies (as you may have guessed, I'm rather enjoying my overusage of that expression)with the ex? Please explain.
love
Lassie
p.s. Do you believe in fidelity and do you think each of us has at least one true love/soul mate who is perfect for us? I feel terribly childish asking that but I have intelligent friends who believe this wholeheartedly. Are they mad or am I too jaded?
if hamish, of hamish and andy, brings the funny then what does andy contribute?
Gold. Pure gold:
http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,20867,21803296-2703,00.html
No question required.
Just me. Is it too early to return to the madness?
Hope not, 'cos that's what I'm doing:
"Moreover, charging membership fees for a site devoted solely to pictures of me decked out as a milkmaid sounds suspiciously like pornography and is not a career choice I wish to make as yet, thank you for asking."
When do you think you might make this career choice, then? Should I start saving up for my membership fees now?
Do you realise that I hadn't read your blog all week last week, then was at the cinema on Saturday with Wifey waiting for the movie to start when I suddenly realised the date, REMEMBERED ALL ON MY OWN that it was your birthday, and sent you the 'Happy Birthday' SMS from the opening credits of Spider-Man 3? (Your reply came through just as Spidey was showing us his new tricks - thankfully the phone was on silent.)
Does this somehow make me a good friend, even though we STILL haven't seen each other since our school reunion three or so years ago?
Knowing that your answer to the above question will be 'yes' (but in an amusing way - pressure's on!), can I have another question?
Now that you're 31 (must update your profile, btw), do you have private health insurance? What is your opinion of getting it before the fees are hiked up as you get older? What do you make of the ads they're trotting out at the moment about it? (How's that for timing, too! Right around your birthday! Maybe they're speaking DIRECTLY TO YOU.)
Or would you just prefer to walk around with a big blue or green umbrella over your head at all times to fool them into thinking you're covered? Would an umbrella protect you from accidents? What if it was made of something strong and impregnable like iron or lead or krypton or a barren womb?
Hurrah! Bevis is back!
Its Lassie again, forgot to ask the main question that I had. Obviously the long dry spell I'm suffering is playing havoc with my brain matter. I luuurved Last Man Standing, any chance of bringing it back on Foxtel? If they can finance Love my way then why not LMS? It would be fantastic!
p.s. Happy birthday.
p.p.s. What was your birthday wish?
http://www.webcity.com.au/keating/
Have you seen this site fitsalicious? I've just spent the last 15 minutes having a jolly good chuckle.
Fen
HB Fits :)
In response to:
Anonymous said...
dear fitsy,
i know this is a late friday question, but i need your help.
last night, out of nowhere, the following song snippet, complete with 80's-sounding electric guitar riffs and cheesy back up vocals, burst into my brain unannounced, and hasn't left since.
"communication - am i getting through?
do you do the drug or does the drug do you?
communicatio oo oo oon"
this has absolutely no context for me. i can work out what it is, of course, but not when or where i might have heard it. please help me.
where did this anti-drug propaganda come from?
I (sadly) have the answer. This propaganda has a catchy tune attached and was sung by one John Farnham and Dannielle Gaha (Eden Gaha's sister - who hosted the show Vidiot in the early 90s). The song (ad) reached no.13 on the Aussie charts in 1989. I have been searching for someone who also remembers this ad. Anon - you've made my day!
Good eh Fits,
Some SPT (Serious Political Talk aka politicak) for you: do you think How to Vote Cards should be banned? Obviously people beed to be told how to vote correctly, but I mean How to Vote Cards distributed by political parties on election day. I reckon it wouldn't be a bad idea as it would remove all the crap that goes along with parties making back room deals and giving preferences to this party in one seat but another party in a different seat.
How do you vote in the senate BTW? One number above the line or do you take as much pleasure as I do in numbering your least preferred options somewhere in the 30's?
Madam,
Given that the whole wimmin at work thing has been getting some press here, what are we to make of the following suggestion from the good people at "the world's leading Sunni university"?
To summarise, men and women who are not related can't work together without fornicating, unless she happens to be lactating, in whihc case if she gives all and sundry a crack at 'em. Then all is well.
http://theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,20867,21803296-2703,00.html?from=public_rss
Fatwa promotes adult breastfeeding,
A RELIGIOUS ruling by an Islamic scholar permitting women to breastfeed adults with whom they work has led to his suspension this month from al-Azhar University in Cairo, the world's leading Sunni university.
Izzat Atiyaa had issued a fatwa, or religious ruling, offering his bold suggestion as a way around the prohibition in Islamic religious law against a woman working in private premises with a man who was not her close relative. Breastfeeding, he argued, would create a familial relationship under Islamic law.
Dr Atiyaa explained to the Egyptian newspaper al-Watani al-Yawm that: "A man and a woman who are alone together are not (necessarily) having sex but this possibility exists and breastfeeding provides a solution to this problem (by) transforming the bestial relationship between two people into a religious relationship based on (religious) duties."
Ms Fits I love this blog. I can't stay away, it's my little coffee break buddy.
Any of you out there with romantic woes, not getting enough, getting too much, lusting in odd directions.....just cram your life so full of work that all you do is work and sleep.
Hey it's working for me.
Righto, so I was asking q's at this trivia night last Friday and I TOTALLY forgot to do my planned shout out to Rudd at the end "Don’t Fuck It Up!". By the time the last dude - lets call him "Twitcher" - got up to ask his q's, I remembered my sign off and told him that he had to say it... but he didn't! Cunt. My other regret is that I didn’t entertain the crowd by pointing out look-alikes (there was a retarded Tony Martin, a bitter Dame Judi Dench, and I was going to get Bob Sessions to stand up at say he looked like Amanda Vanstone). I blame Sudafed and red wine for not being so sharp.
Do you like trivia? If so, do you have any regular trivia-night pub haunts?
PS - Slapper Princess stinks and Statler sucks the nuts. Bounce.
I would love to see Bob Sessions stand up and say he looked like Amanda Vanstone.
Fortunately for him, he doesn't.
oh, and I have a conundrum/question...how do I apologise for my friend drunkenly calling my panel beater at 5 am Sunday morning and waking him up? And should I actually apologise, seeing as I wasn't actually involved? And, most importantly, what's a good prank I can play on my friend? Have you ever played any good pranks?
ok that was lots of questions lotsoflove.xx.
ps you are fast becoming my Dad's favourite columnist. Your footy piece completely made his week.
Who is Le B? His shit is outta this world! Do you like Suicide Girls? Your websiteis hilarious girl. xxxx
Dear Ms Fits
I am just one of, what I image to be, the hordes of fans and admirers that have found this site in the weeks following your explosive arrival in the greater world.
Before I ask my question I would like to comment on two of the themes found within RWYWHM recently. One has been the matter of distance between yourself and your readership. Geography is not the only measure, a recent correspondent described himself as a fifty-ish, balding, nerd. I'll see his fifty and raise him ten and I still have lots of hair, mercifully most of it in the right places.
The delicate question of penile dimensions has also raised its head. Many years ago when sex workers were still referred to as prostitutes, one such lady of the night when questioned about size offered the opinion that she would rather be tickled than choked. Being of below average stature and at the time, of an age when such things seemed to matter hugely, I found her words deeply reassuring.
To my question, Of the many things that my generation do not "get", which is to our greatest detriment?
PS I cherished the reference to Richard Brautigan, I thought he had been lost to polite society.
Wicked sense of humour? Looks like Nigella Lawson? By all means set up away. I just hope my culinary expectations will not be too high. But could she learn to love a man who can't spell pheromones? We could go swimming with the dolfins, drink at the elefant and wheelbarrow...
So, I watched Clint Eastwood's Unforgiven the other night. In it, Eastwood's character says, "Yeah, they cut up her face, cut her eyes out, cut her fingers off, cut her teats, everything but her cunny, I suppose."
I have only one question. Do you think this is the first, last and only time the word 'cunny' has appeared in a Best Picture winner?*
Love
Daniel
(* Note: I know this year's winner, the Departed, uses the proper C word, but I think this variation is much funnier).
Dearest Ms Fits,
What are your thoughts on putting out on a first date?
Curious
Hello Ms Fits,
Am I able to post a community announcement here ?
As you may be aware, those Fuckstick Liberals have had electoral enrolment rules changed such that electoral roles will close at 8pm on the day an election is called rather than a week later. Last federal election some 80,000 people enrolled during the week after the election was announced. No prizes for guessing which end of the policial spectrum will benefit from this cynical disenfranchisement of our young eligible voters.
I implore all you RYWHM people whom are remotely interested in kicking those Liberal Cunts out of Canberra to encourage our young-eligible-unenrolled voters to enrol now !
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