Reasons you will hate me

Do you like Southpark? Or do you think it has become right wing?

The all important question:

you can only watch one television show for the rest of your life. Do you choose fawlty towers, little britain, six feet under or family guy?

What a conundrum. If I ask you which beach then I'll have to wait until next week for the answer, at which time you will have been back for 6 days and I won't get to see Gabi's breasts, of which you are so proud. Damn the time-space continuum!

First of all, sorry I said I was asking four questions and asked five. I threw the last one in out of a certain world-weary despair, and you know I never was very good at maths.
Your answers were very satisfactory.
I forgot to ask are you coming to our Save Travis Blogging BBQ on Sunday? But as you just wrote that you are going camping with Gabi probably not and by the time you answer this it will be next Friday then it will be too late.

But if you do get back Sunday arvo and feel like a gourmet sausage, we'll be hanging somewhere in the vicinity of the BBQ at Edinburgh Gardens.

Thanks, Ms. Fits. I needed that shot in the arm. I do know people who are Liberal voters, and as with people I know to be fans of U2 or Oasis, I tend to simply avoid discussion of the relevant topic. However, as the government of the day stands for nothing I believe in, nor offers any hope of ever undertaking any kind of fair, just or transparent system of governence, I do find it hard to bite my tongue at times.

Though I do carry a pack of dental wadding, in case I bite so hard my mouth fills with blood.

Hey, I don't drink vodka tonic!

I defy any red blooded male, whether or not they are a dork, to meet Ms. Fits and not develop one of the following:

A. a raging boner
B. a debilitating crush
C. an undying devotion to her

Or, in some cases, all three.

Hi Fitsy, I have a question for you.

If the basis of socialism is that everyone should have a fair crack at the opportunities of life, regardless of who their parents happened to be, do you think Marx would have approved of the idea of a global socialism, where the resources of the whole planet were used for the equal benefit of all people, regardless of the name of the country in which they took their first gulp of air?

Seems to me it would solve a lot of issues.

My first actual question for you, Fitzy and it's a two parter:

1. Over on my journal I recently asked a question about what people really wanted from polics and got 8 responses, none of which related to the question. That same day, I posted a list of names of people who guest starred on the muppet show and over 30 people had something to say.
Is it ok for this to fill me with a vague foreboding and slight edge of dispair?

2. I'm in Melbourne soon for some work related activities surrounding the Grand Prix and it's likely I'll want to go drinking. Is the cute redhead with the freckles still working at Kelvin in Northcote?

Have you read Alain de Botton's The Consolations of Philosophy? I did and really did try to use some of it my life, especially the Epicurian principles in the "Consolations for not having enough money". Somehow this has led me to going to the pub all time time, so I don't know what happened there.

Last night I was going for a walk and had to run home after getting confused. I tried to drink it off, but my friend wanted me to go see Zombie Ghost Train at the Tote. On the way home we nearly had a car crash and now she wants me to go to another show next Tuesday and buy tickets for her on the weekend to some other shows.

I think she likes me, but I'm not sure as she wouldn't let me kiss her last night.

If I could get a number for that fucking appalling patronising cumrag Bill Ludwig, I'd be giving him a ring too.

Bill Ludwig
in his AWU Queensland office (he is state secretary)
Telephone (07) 3221 8844
Fax (07) 3221 8700
Email secretary@awu.org.au
333 Adelaide Street, Brisbane, QLD 4000

go for it ...

fly.wall.wishicouldbethere

If you need a suitably out-of-the-way spot to perform the mooted radio play, I'm part of a semi-unprofessional semi-regular graveyard shift on RRR which could fit the bill. (As it may not fit the Brat M.O.) We have been soliciting short radio plays from interested parties - yours would likely be better.

No luck on the dream cast front, though.

Ha! Brilliant! Caught me by surprise and had me laughing out loud at my computer. I'm talking about part (b) of your answer to Gav.

Gold! Thanks for thinking of me.

repulsing you in the manner of Nick Giannopolous standing outside a restaurant window while you're eating dinner and humping his hips in your direction

Oh my God, did this actually happen?

I cannot stop laughing.

dear ms fits,

do you think it's ok for me to have developed, in the manner of coolsie funster, a debilitating crush and an undying devotion to you even though i've never seen you?

yours sincerely,

hopelessly devoted

Oddly enough arleeshar, I was wondering exactly the same thing! could anyone, even the imaginative ms fits, actually invent such a horrific image?

Hello, fitsy...

Friday Q&A seems to be getting MASSIVE. Do you feel you are giving less of yourself on other days as a result?

*pauses*

Did you begin to wonder about this after reading the question?

*pauses*

Now are you worried that I know you too well?

xo

Dear Ms Fits, What do you think of the word 'fanta' as a way to signify 'good'? Here are some ways I have heard it used lately:
1. "Wow! This salt and pepper tofu is totally fanta!"
2. "That burlesque show was fanta, guys"
3. "Fuckwit White Australians dressing up as 'tribal aborigines' and parading themselves around the Adelaide Festival's Garden of Unearthly Delights' is sooo not fanta"
Et cetera. It was born during a house wine fuelled discussion about a certain pizza company's recent advertising/indoctrination strategy aimed at introducing the word 'puff'. Not fanta.

[not a question, a followup]

I missed this comment on last week's thread (it's been a very busy week), so I guess I'll reply here:
I haven't quite made up my mind yet whether your declaration about 'not having a brain wired for monogamy' or some such thing is a candid and honest representation of yourself, or a just a complete cop-out.

I lean towards the latter.

Eh. Nice of you to judge me sight unseen.

This is something I've been figuring out over nearly 10 years, and I figure "not wired for monogamy" is the simplest way to put it. I don't see how this is in any way a "cop out". If I wanted an easier life, this wouldn't be part of it. It adds a fair amount of complexity. So why try it? Because the rewards are wonderful when it works out. And I'm not talking about just the rumpy-pumpy, but about how it affects your primary relationship.

My question is ... is it a matter of finding the right person to whom you want to give your all?

I've been in the sort of relationship where I found the person I wanted to "give my all". That didn't exclude both of us from going out and having some fun with other people. Hell, it made things more fun, in general. You come back from your fooling around on such a high.

Obviously, this isn't for everyone. Hell, it's not for most people. And it's not like I'm out trying to pick up on a constant basis - that's not me at all (I've met people like that - they creep me out). It's more that sometimes you will find yourself with a friend, and you'll want to take things a bit further.

ms fits wrote:

Well. I have always been receptive to the idea of an open relationship. But as with threeways, these are delicate emotional minefields to negotiate. I'm not at all sure how I'd feel if I started falling for someone only to have them whisper tenderly in my ear: 'I can't wait 'til we both start seeing other people'. It's nice enough if you're the person calling the shots with your five hundred paramours, but not so nice if you've developed strong feelings for someone who is sticking it in every coolsie spunk this side of Bridge road.


Ick. That sort of just fuck anything that moves mindset is nasty. The people I know (and I know a fair number) who make this work, it's very much an occasional thing, and there's an agreement between the two people as to how it should work. This is figured out well in advance, not just when you're out and you see something cute.



The only one I know that 'works' - to a degree - is a couple who made a conscious decision to have affairs and not tell each other about them. This agreement would drive me absolutely mental if I were a part of it, but it seemed to pan out okay for them for a few years. Then they decided to stop. They've been together a long time. God knows how they got through nights of jealous insecurities and hand-wringing angst.


Been in a relationship like that. It didn't work at all - too much insecurity and jealousy. The approach that did work pretty well was more about communication, get permission first, and most importantly, respecting the person you love. Obviously communication doesn't mean giving them all the details about everything you did together in bed with someone else.

As far as the jealousy thing goes, yes, it's a problem. I still get flashes of it on occasion, but it's something I work hard to figure out and stop. If you know they're coming back to you and in the meantime they're off having great fun, what's the jealousy about? If you're not sure that they'll come back, then your relationship has some serious problems, poly or not.

Crap. Gotta run off and sit in a stupid lighting box now. More later.

Excellent! Thank you, Fitsy. That's one piece of guaranteed advertising! Now I just need to organise the rest...

Shock, horror, I have a question. You have the opportunity to snog a comedian. Your choices are limited to Wil Anderson, Dave Hughes or Corinne Grant (who is a great big spunk, dammit). Who do you choose, and does this make the next time you see The Glass House rather awkward?

With further regard to Neighbores...

So, we have the RCérs covered (Lynn), as well as the prot fundies (Harold), and the Satanists (Paul). But where's the role model for us poor Asatru/Celtic hybrids? :)

Is it normal to have a crush on someone for over two years? I thought my one on Gabi would have faded over time like the one I had on Suzannah Espie, but it has gotten stronger for some reason. I know I am not the only one to feel this way about her and even women have a crush on her - you look after and keep the stalkers away with a big stick.

Do you know what the copyright status of these Q&A sessions is? Does the blogger company own the rights to them or not? It would suck to have them publish it and not have you get any money.

I use to be a book publisher and have suggested to a couple of publishers that they check out your website and get in touch. I don't know any Harry M Miller types though. (By the way, I have heard on the grape vine that Mr Miller is good in the sack. I would rather not know that so felt the need to unburden myself in front of your large audience. I could have written it on my blog, but no one reads it. Partly because I don't write it much.)

Hi nice site, is this where I ask questions for next week? If so I would like to ask you if you think Ian Thorpe is gay? Wouldn't he have admitted it by now? This blogger seems to think he isn't
http://www.ianthorpeisnotgay.blogspot.com/
so now I'm a little confused.

Don't shamelessly self-promote, Anonymous. Ms Fits doesn't like it.

It's soooooo not fanta.

Ms Fits

do you agree that John Howard is the world's third evilest man and do you think the recent demise of Slobodan Milosevic affects JH's ranking in any way?

Yours etc

Angus Prune

Ohmigod Ms Fits, I saw you the other day!!!

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I swear it was a complete and utter accident. Probably won't happen again, don't worry.

Was driving my boyfriend to Polly on Friday night. Had just turned into Sydney rd where The Spot is, got held up in the traffic, and there you were, almost touching my car, but not actually, holding a tall, mysterious and nicely scruffy man's hand as you crossed the road. You looked very nice too. I like your flower. And I whispered to my boyfriend, "Hey, stop fiddling with your fly, there's no way you will get it fixed before you start work and LOOK...it's her!" And then we drove on.

Well, at least I think it was you...Was that you?

apart from the comedy festival, what do you suggest doing in melbourne over the easter weekend? i will be holidaying from adelaide with my beautiful french boyfriend (oui oui) and a group of friends. any cool things to do?

Kim Cattrall's "sexy" ads for Nissan have marked the nadir of the method of advertising known as "stiff" competition. Here are some alternative slogans for the Tiida, which I devised with Cattrall's campaign in mind:

You know you want it cheap!

Have you seen my bleeder? (A play on the real slogan: Have you seen my Tiida?)

Ahh...ahh...ahh...ahh...AUTOMATIC TRANSMISSION!

I'll have what she's having!

*Beep* *Beep* *Beep* *Beep*?! Ne'er!

Honey, with what I'm getting paid to do these ads, I think I can do better!

I have thought of a heckle that Wil Anderson would not have a come back to. Just get Hugo Weaving to stand up in the audience at one of his comedy festival shows wearing sunglasses and say his last name. I am sure the Chaser team will try to do this also.

What sort of wedding did you have?

A brace for you:

Do you know anyone using the word 'puff' as an adjective in the way a certain pizza franchise is marketing the their puff pastry based pizzas?

Am I the only one that thinks there are enough calories in such pizzas that having a puff pastry base is a 'recipe' for cholesterol induced disaster?

When you're answering littlefaeriegirl's q about what to do in Melbs, I will be there the week BEFORE Easter, so please extend your details on "what's hot and what's not" etc to that weekend also, ta.

what have been your favourite moments in australian television history, and why?

both general, and ones you have been involved in bringing to fruition

if someone found a way of splicing eggs together so that two women could reproduce, would you have a child with gabi?

Ms Fits,

I've been going out with my boyfriend for quite some time. In that time, I've seen a number of photos of him with other girls (e.g. past girlfriends and girls he's met during the time I've been with him). In these photos, he always has this big smile and sparkle in his eyes which seem to say "I'm happy because I'm standing next to someone I love/I find attractive". Meanwhile, I look at the few photos we have of us together and all I see is something which appears to be a half-smile or a flat-in-the-eyes-smile which screams to me "I'm smiling only because I am meant to". It would be nice to know I could induce the same kind of genuinely happy smile from him that those other women seem to have managed.

What tips might you have for inducing one of those lovely smiles from my man when we have photos together?

(I am asking you because I cannot think of a way to ask him why he smiles differently with me. At least, not a way which will avoid me sounding like I'm asking him - do you love me? and/or do you find me attractive?)

Just a suggestion. Before you good people ask a question check and see if it's been answered already.

Fitsy: Do you think that you are going to have to limited the questions you respond to. Perhaps 10 to 20 at most so that the kids get into a frenzy to ask more inspired an interesting questions. (unlike this one)

Also, who do you think would win in a fight between Carla and Gabi of the Town Bikes?

Hi,

Would you perform fellatio on Tim Blair for $10,000?

Only in John Howard's "relaxed and comfortable" Australia could not giving a stuff about the Children Overboard affair and the "Bush invasion" be depicted as both funny and the true Australian way in a commercial for milk. I wonder if this is what the Liberals mean by "MAINSTREAM VALUES".

You wrote this:

"I have a particular group of friends who I adore. They are rabid lefties. They also have two very close mates who openly vote Liberal. When I discovered this I was very shocked, and didn't deal with it very well. I'm now able to be at larger dinner parties with them and make polite conversation, but we all know that there will be no further friendship entered into. I'm not so juvenile as to view them with open contempt (I also value my friendship with the others too much to hurt them), but there's certainly a wall up."

I find this sort of attitude a bit sad. My background is that my father was a farmer (stretching back generations) and my mother worked for a newsagents.

That seems to be a bad background to have in certain circles. Indeed, many people who would class themselves as the "educated left" don't associate with people who have those backgrounds, or at least, just don't quite know how to relate to them.

It's not a matter of doctrine. I have never voted for John Howard (well, OK, I voted for him in 96, and have regretted it ever since).

The thing is, I have a number of friends who are Howard supporters. Some of them are better human beings, and have more integrity than other Howard-haters that I know. You just can't draw hard and fast conclusions about people on party lines like that. If you do, you are seeking to deny all the complexity that there is about people that we know there is.

e.g. John looks after his disabled mother, but he votes for Howard, and thinks the refugee policy was fine.

Bill roots every woman he can find, lies to them, treats them like shit, but he is anti-racist, abhors the detention policy, etc.

OK.

Make sure that all your friends are people who you feel comfortable with... people you share all the "right" views with.

Do this, and you are ghetto-ising yourself. And you are treating those that you disagree with as having subhuman intellect, and subhuman moral status.

Be careful about that. It can lead to bad things. Just as much on the left as on the right.

You might also learn something by engaging with these people.

Why are they Howard voters?

What views do they have about what is important in life?

How would you propose that things should be run differently?

What would Australia be like if it were run in accordance with things that you believed?

You know, you might actually learn something.

If you want to remain ossified, then by all means, have nothing to do with Howard voters. Do not engage with them. Remain in your comfort zone, with the people you know who will never challenge anything you say.

Do that, and you will learn nothing. And the Howard voters that you don't want to have anything to do with, well, they won't learn anything either.

Dear Ms Fits,

I have terrible voice synchronisation, am obsessed with jumping backwards up into trees, and keep getting hassled by these black ninja cunts chucking star knives at me.

Can you help?

XXX
Tombei the Mist

dear Miss fits
i was at this site and there were some naughty and very kinky secrets on it. www.secretforyou.com.au and you can post your own secrets up. you could win 10k as well!
funny stuff.
c.

I am trying to find a band name for my new band. Do you think:

"The Whirled Accordion to Garp"

Conveys the subtle nuances necessary to be a successful post-rock ambient punk band?

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