Reasons you will hate me

Friday q and a #91.

So it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. I love this time of year...though it grows a little warm for my tastes, and troublesomely gorgeous doe-eyed friends tend to appear from the woodwork coaxing me out to liquor-soaked shenanigans with their siren song. I shake my fist at them.

Also if I don't start tackling these here Friday questions I'll never get my shopping finished....

Dr Nic said...
Sydney, eh? Come to the Inner West – it's a slice of fried gold, suburb-wise!

I don't even know which part of Sydney the inner-west is. I am a complete geographical dumbass. People say the word 'Coogee' to me and I just stare at them blankly until they back off and leave me alone.

Shermozle said...
Yeah check out Ronson. The Men Who Stare at Goats is hilarious/terrifying. Though Ronson himself has a disturbingly squeaky voice, when I heard in on Radio Nat.

Nothing wrong with a disturbingly squeaky voice, Shermozle. Have you heard that comely meatbone David Beckham open his mouth recently? He sounds like a seven-year-old boy having his testicles squeezed in a vice, the poor peabrained darling.



You have others in agreeance:

Dr Nic said...
Shermozle – I heard him at a phoner Q&A for popcorn taxi. It was a total shock to realise he had the slightly unsettling voice of a children's show host!

What kind of children's show host exactly? Darryl Cotton hosted the Early Bird Show for years with the kind of throaty tones only a gravel-gargling rock n roller could love, although you'd be hard pressed to find anyone who thought 'Darryl' was up there with the bitchingest hard-man names of all time.

BEVIS said...
Well, what if us Melburnians don't WANT you to go???

Huh??

You could always form some kind of posse to dig a moat around my apartment and physically prevent me from departing, I guess. Although the local 'colour' may give you a little grief during your excavations.

Fenz said...
What Bevis said.

Look, I simply HAVE TO MOVE TO SYDNEY. I'm sorry. It's not my fault they make youth radio in New South Wales and nowhere else.

hanx said...
But but... what Bevis said!
The Town Bikes were fabbo and I spotted you in the crowd and crowed to my friends how much I wanted to be you when I grow up. They did little but admire your cleavage and shapely form (yes they were all male)!
This isn't so much a question as a confession because I left with the full intention of tracking you outside offering you a felt tip and my body to autograph... but what with not being able to find a felt tip and not wanting to appear a complete loon when you were surrounded by a seemingly lovely circle of friends and well wishers I didn't :(
Ahh... if only I had your balls Ms Fits

Oh dear. Of course you should have approached. I'd be more than happy to write all over you with a felt-tip pen if you so desired. Tell your friends they are welcome to have a pop at the cleavage but I charge by the hour.

BEVIS said...
What BEVIS said.

Stop it at once.

L said...
Thank the stars there are others who think Mr. De Brito is a knobjockey. I was beginning to think I was crazy for thinking so, when many others seem to think that rose petals flutter out of his arse.

Rose petals? Out of his bottom? Dear me. I'd get that seen to if I were him. Imagine the pink and yellow stains on his smalls.




CAN I GET A WITNESS:

epon_anon said...
I find it quite off-putting when rose petals flutter out of anyone's arse, be they a knobjockey or not. When you start the Triple J gig can you please not watch your language?

It used to be so much fun to listen to in it's early days as the national yoof radio, when standards were not quite so proper. I don't want anodyne radio, I want radio that wakes me the fuck up. In a nice way though.

Oh & good luck with it all. Catch lots of ferries & so on. But don't pay the ferryman, don't even fix a price.

I shall do my best to 'wake you the fuck up' each day, but be aware that there are others out there who may not be so charmed by a shrieking underslept harpie imploring them to 'shake an A.M. tailfeather, knobwrenches'. Each to their own and all that.

Shezbo said...
I hope they don't censor you in any way, shape or form. That would be heinous! And please bring some political commentary to the table won't you? Don't sacrifice who you are for the mainstream pithy little bitches.

Here's my domanda:
will you still write your regular columns? say yes, yes I will.

Yes, yes I will.



My, what a lovely word 'domanda' is. Wherever did you pick it up?

sublime-ation said...
Good. That night my badge fell off and I was distraught and thinking 'this is a sign' until Vic found it under her chair.

Also, CAN'T BELIEVE you are moving to Sydney. Congratulations, and all the best, and they do really nice pizza & pasta at Love Supreme on Oxford St, across the road from the army barracks. It'd be Melbourne if it had wine. (it doesnt have a licence cause apparently they're like 5 million bucks in Sydders or something).

Also, sorry, but

"Thank you for showing the world how horrible these two wretched women are, Andrew.

Threatening violence against one of the greatest leaders the country has ever had should be considered treason.

Miranda Airey-Branson (Reply)
Mon 03 Dec 07 (11:29pm)"

Gotta be someone taking the piss, right?

Also, how do you plan to go about awaking at such an un-godly hour?

1. Thanks for the food recommendations, ladyface - anyone else who cares to point me in the directions of gastronomic Sydlee-based loveliness is most welcome. Please note I will only be dining before 7 o clock at night as I am a sad act who will soon be rising pre-dawn for a brisk calisthenics session before my muesli.



2. I wouldn't be too certain. Ol' M. Airey-B is out there lurking around the interwebs making pokes on Facebook and no doubt marching indignantly through the comments section of Bolt and co spreading the conservative love. What on earth are you doing reading Rusty Bolt's faker Sun forum for anyways? Everyone knows his real blog is here.



3. I'm really not certain yet. It'll be early to bed, I suppose. As one wise gent 'in the know' said to me: 'The bad thing is you have to leave your friend's gigs early. The good news is, if it's a shit gig you've got a good excuse to leave.' I'll just see how it goes, I suppose.

Suave: The Cat said...
Congrats on the "Yoof" network gig Ms Fitz, especially breakfast! Finally: an alternative to 774 for the morning radio/alarm.

Looking forward to you bringing "minx" and "paramour" to the nation's airwaves!

Hope you have a ball!

Thanking you. Now I can make the ENTIRE NATION* sick of my repetitive nature and limited vocabulary.








*2.4 percent of the listening audience according to the last exciting ratings survey.

Anonymous said...
Does this mean you won't be doing the book-club thingamabob anymore? I have no idea where that's filmed so

No, I'll still be doing Book Club. It's filmed in Sydney, so sadly I'll be missing out on sitting next to Jason Steger on the plane and forcing him to drink wine and eat donuts with me on the way back to Melbourne as I'll now simply have to walk downstairs and into the studio. A great pity.

Anonymous said...
good luck in sydney town, ms fits. is your nice ginger going too?

He most certainly is. Aren't I very lucky?

squib said...
I liked Drew too oh! and LouLou was my perfume (the tester in the town Chemist) of choice in High School and if I get a whiff of it now I get all teary eyed and sentimental about my lost youth oh! Aren't there 2 gingers in the Basics? Not that I'm a gossip...

There are indeed two Vitamin Cs in the Basics. I am dating the handsomest one. Apologies, Kris.

The Colonel said...
So it wasn't a dream and now I wake up every day at the prospect of retrospective death taxes stretching back to my Great Great Grandfather as he administered his estates in good old mother England...Those were the days. Unlimited conspicuous consumption, when a serf died the village provided a new one, and those chamber maids...Gets my 100 year old blood pumping just thinking about it.
Now I'm stuck in this red raggers paradise. Workers rights piffle! I give my gardener the right to slave on the estate as long as I damn well tell him too! Whats wrong with that?
Anyway you titillating little communist..all this talk about waxing and hair in the privates. During the war I didn't let my privates have any hair oh no..bald as badgers. Made it easy to see them as they went over the top to get shot for king and country...First war I'm talking about. The real one! Where a man could die senselessly, happily knowing the King is alive, well and safe!
Anyway to my question...Since you are obviously an umm forward thinking young lady I was just wondering before you run off to Sydney if there would be any chance you could pop over to the Manor one evening, sit in one of my big comfy chairs in front of the roaring fire and ummm you know make an old man very very happy...hehehehe...We can open a bottle of my very best Scotch and I'll regale you with stories from my travels and battles. I've never been umm intimate with a hairless communist...Only a hairless private but thats during a war and I was very lonely!!!!
So what do you say...I may be approaching 101 but theres still life in this old conservative.....

Oh, I don't see why not. A brief sweaty fling with a bumbling walrus-like Liberal voter left in the political wilderness and craving human touch/answers seems like a lovely way to leave Melbourne. Do you like to be spanked? I have a hairbrush.





Also, Shezbo is 'onto you':

Shezbo said...
'During the war I didn't let my privates have any hair oh no..bald as badgers.'

Does anyone else get the strange sensation that Colonel is in fact, Golum from Lord of the Rings?


He certainly speaks with that tone.

Some more examples:

'God dammit I will not accept that....Relax, relax it was only a dream.... '

'I didn't see him fighting the fuzzy wuzzys during the African campaigns...Was he at Rorkes Drift??? Oh no, not like me...'

'Sniveling little wretch, appealing to the middle classes. If it wasn't a bad dream maybe he deserved to lose...Give all those people a taste of real horror under the communists, oh yes. A pile of do gooders singing about love and equal opportunity. No they'll fail and then they'll be crying out for some real discipline. Thats when we strike.'

'mine, all mine! my precious! kill master!'

Oh dear. I'm not sure who I'd rather sleep with less - a fictional character covered in moss who climbs over rocks and has muddy teeth or a conservative voter. ONE OF LIFE'S GREAT CONUNDRUMS RIGHT THERE, PEOPLE.

Anonymous said...
your boyfriend = one lucky bastard.

why is it so fricking hard for normal, intelligent, nice, loyal and attractive mid- twenty-something men to meet anyone decent anymore???? I know beggars can't be choosers but this is getting beyond a joke. Man drought? bunk! Woman drought, more like.

I have - and I say this with the utmost sincerity - absolutely no idea how someone who employs the utterly delightful term 'bunk' in their everyday conversation has trouble finding a nice young lady to lick their salty neck in a beer garden. You must be hanging out with the wrong crowds, Anon.



Also: get ready to be swamped with offers:

Shezbo said...

re: Anonymous In Search of intelligent, attractive, nice, loyal Female. They exist. I would know.

And:

Fenz said...

Yes, they do exist... but it seems sometimes that never the twain shall meet. *sigh*

Even better:

teaspoon said...
Anon @ 1300: I'll go on a date with you! But will you call after?

Re Fits' move north: I live in Sydney, would you like to be my friend? (Is that a little too forward?)

x
teaspoon

There you go, Anon. That's what's known in RYWHM dating circles as a 'result'.



Presumably this means that those concerned should email me and I'll do some magical cyber-cupid work and then we can all have a cup of chai. Honestly, the hoops I jump through etc. Do you realise that there have been two relationships formed through Friday Q and A, one resulting in marriage? Don't let that place any undue pressure on you to succeed, though.




p.s. I'd love to be your friend. I only know a handful of people in Sydney and I will be missing my Gabi terribly. If you could wear some sort of ridiculous costume and breastfeed a small child when we meet I'd find it most comforting, thanking you in advance.

richard_watts said...
Melebourne won'tbe the same without you, Fits, nor the RRR airwaves. *sigh*

Have a splendid time in Sin City. I look forward to reading your impressions, scathing critiques of place and what have you.

xx

Yes, it's certainly going to be a change of pace. I'm trying my best not to arrive with a sneery expression and patented Melbournite chip on my shoulder about all the young coolsies with silly haircuts and offensively high P.E shorts but it's a fair stretch...





While we're here, thank you so much for that tea-towel you gave me with the picture of two men having robust anal sex printed on it. I think it's absolutely wonderful.

Anonymous said...
You're doing the Triple J breakfast show?! Fucking brilliant!

Don't censor yourself. There's nothing like a good 'f-bomb' in the morning.

I fucking am indeed. And I fucking won't.

Kaleu Big said...




fits fits is that you

My comments referred to hearing the one you have tattoo of on your footsie, she spoke on radio. The bruising on my forehead won’t let me remember therefore explain

One with such skill as yours cannot be idle for long .Fly my pretty .Your ability and talent equate to much success; this is but one rung on your climb. Well done on this rung step Fits lady

I think Melbourne is greater for having had you sleep in her bed .We will not wash the sheets, and hold them to our face when we think of you, breathing in cachrel and reminiscing about you trying to open the bottle of perfume with your sheets, and spilling it, and us stealing your sheets from the laundromat before you could wash them

I think it needs to be understood your relocation is similar to dating movie starlets; you must share them with the world, it’s a surprise when the media want some of you, best to be a precious partner and slap there camera onto the footpath, then kick it into oncoming traffic. Makes me laugh every time

Good luck with your shiftwork gig and the j culture; hopefully it’s a short stopover to better hours ,much success and happy times.

You run like what? I imagine you having no sport bone what so ever, but being flexible, Can you grab your ankles stiff legged and look behind you and wink?

And this one, what is your year 07 highlight?

1. Oui. C'est moi.



2. Thank you.



3. I run like a complete gimp. When I acted as Megahertz team runner for the Community Cup my friends stood on the sidelines shouting RUN FORREST RUN whenever I had to deliver a message to a player.




They're exceptionally cruel people.







4. Falling madly in love. Followed closely by the suitably juicy and devastating demise of the Howard Government.

Meva said...
Don't become too seduced by gorgeous harbour views and fast lane living, Ms Fits. Couldn't you just be a lapsed Melbournite?

You can take the girl out of Melbourne, etc. Look, it may go horribly wrong and the ABC might sack me within three months and I'll be strolling up and down Wellington street with Bob Ellis and the Ginger faster than you can say 'A writer doing breakfast shift? Surely that's a recipe for disaster'. And wouldn't that make life all the more colourful and exotic? I can almost see the Sun headline now. DISGRACED RADIO BIMBO RETURNS TO HOOD, NO-ONE BLINKS AN EYELID, SCOOP PIX.

Wry said...
So what have they named the team?

The Doc, The Buck & The Geek?
Marieke, The Doctor & The Buckster?

I'm dying to know. I've listened to the Triple J morning show nearly every weekday morning for the last 18 years (sad i know). I think you'll do well. Just don't get Melbournitis like Myf and pack it in for a shit job that worth more money. Demand they move the show to Melbourne instead.

I wish you all the luck in the world.
Cheers

Thank you, Wry. The last I heard the show was called 'Robbie, Marieke and The Doctor'. I'm not at all sure how such an imaginative name was chanced upon. Lindsay was pressing for 'The Hardy Boys' at one stage, which I liked very much though you can't have everything I suppose.





I hereby solemnly swear that I will never end up back-announcing Nickelback at Austereo. There, now it's in Google cache forever.

James said...
How are babies made?

When girls and boys reach puberty, their bodies start to change and become more mature. From this time, if a male and a female have sexual intercourse (often called 'making love', or 'sleeping with someone'), it is possible that the girl could get pregnant, ie. a baby could start to grow.

Sperm are the male 'seeds' that contribute to starting a new life - living sperm look a lot like tadpoles (under a microscope).

When sperm are ejaculated [say e-jak-u-lay-ted] by the male during sexual intercourse, they swim up the vagina [vaj-eye-na], through the cervix [sir-vix], into the uterus [you-ter-us] and into the fallopian [fal-o-pe-an] tubes of the female. These sperm are looking for an ovum (or egg) to fertilise. sexuality

When a female is born she carries thousands of ova or eggs ready to use when she becomes adult. These are the female 'seeds' that, along with sperm, contribute to creating a new life.

Once a month, the female releases an ovum (one egg) .
If an ovum has been released, a sperm can unite with it, fertilise it and make the first cell of a new baby.
Once one sperm has fertilised the ovum, no other sperm can get in - the female is now pregnant.

It's like a race with only one winner.



I hope that clears things up for you.

Djali said...
Simon, my conspiracy theorist friend, is leaving next week as he endeavours to become a superstar DJ in Shanghai. He says there is a chance he won't come back.

But I plan to give him Ronson love as a departing gift/ something to read on the plane. I have very high hopes that through this he will be convinced that I understand him better than anyone and maybe he will think about a return ticket one day. Thank you for your sage advice fellow bloggers, I promise to mention you in the speeches at the wedding.

... Fits, why do all the good ones have to go places?

They come back, Djali. One day. Particularly if they've been handed above-par literature to take on their journey which reminds them of the rather compelling slice of loveliness they're leaving behind.

Chris said...
Triple J..!? I just became cool enough to listen to TripleR. Now I have to go back... And my friends all thought I was so trendy!!

What kind of devastating social ritual did you have to undertake in order to be 'cool enough' to listen to Triple R, Chris? Was there some kind of paddling involved? ARE YOUR BUTTOCKS BRUISED IN SOME FASHION.

CPM said...
surely the breakfasters would be a better gig for you?

I think they wanted a feller, CPM. And Michael seems a very able replacement for Tony Wilson. Swings and roundabouts, eh?

Ben said...
Ms Fits moving to Sydney. Fuck. It doesn't affect me all that much, I guess, but a lot of my friends are moving away recently. Well, two, but percentage-wise, that's a big proportion of my total friends. And now, a celebrity sort-of-acquaintance moving too.

Sydney is lovely though. I am from there myself, and have fond memories of wandering through Chinatown on my way to romantic assignations.

Still, at least we can have this one last dance...

Also, Marmalade is RYWHM's pin-up boy. Fuck.

I have questions...er...can I offer you a going-away gift?

I had my work Christmas party on Friday night. I danced myself into a sweaty mess despite being completely sober and not at all built for the task. My stupid friends did not participate, even though they were drinking and are much lither than I.

But I found that despite my ability to hurl myself into the world of the dance, I was utterly incapable of mingling. I wanted to get to know some new people, but I can't seem to infiltrate others' conversations. Shyness, it is terrible. Is there a remedy?

Would you object if I stole your Q&A idea for my blog? Well, not "stole", exactly - you'd still have it.

1. Yes, you may offer me a going-away gift. So long as I don't have to pack it. Everything is going into fucking storage for three months and I'm living a cardboard box nightmare.


2. A tried and true remedy to shyness is alcohol (see: 'becoming an obnoxious loudmouth moron, ch. 3'), but I know you're not a drinker. I guess just getting back on the social bike every time you feel you've hit a bit of a conversational wall (not sure where I'm going with this metaphor, to be honest) might help. Use some of your stand-up routines or poetry. Women love poetry.



3. I wouldn't be thrilled, you bloody thieving cad. Anyway, you've been beaten to it by a sex addict and a Today show host, which will no doubt make everyone feel a bit strange.

Kel said...
Saw Needle and the Damage Done (Fiona Scott-Norman show about tragic music) last week and nearly pissed myself - I'm not fucking with you - I had to break into her dressing room to pee halfway through. I love it when a woman slips the c word into a cultural performance. Do you know her and if so how does one get on her dinner party invite list?

I do know her - ran into her last week on the street and we had a very nice chat, actually. She is lovely. I have emailed her asking how one gets on her dinner party invite list, but am yet to hear back. I promise to update so you may wangle yourself a spot at the main table and avail yourself of the crudites post-haste.

BEVIS said...
I fail to see why my name was included in this statement by Marmalade:

"Anyway, good luck with it all. Prolly someone here will offer to take you on a pub crawl anyway. Remember it's sealed containers only off Bevis and you should be sweet."

Can you explain it to me? ... for I appear a mite thick. (As per usual, etc.) My thanks.

I'll let the hot side o beef explain it to you himself, Bevis:

Marmalade said...
Ben said: Also, Marmalade is RYWHM's pin-up boy. Fuck.

Fits made me Mr. Spring 2007 because we could only afford enough razors to shave the top half of my body. So we painted my feet black and chucked in a figleaf and a set of panpipes and I hid in her potplants and pretended I was a satyr. See the RYWHM calendar for details.

Bevis said: I fail to see why my name was included in this statement by Marmalade etc.

I was refering to the time you made me a martini with one of those little red cocktail onions instead of an olive, you monster. I think. Honestly, at the time I wrote that comment I was recovering from this fucking kamikaze hash brownie one of my 'friends' recommended I eat (subsequently sacked from his job as Royal Taster) so I don't really get it, either. Might be something Freudian.

Marmalade, if you're trying to dispel the rumours regarding your status as Most Desirable RYWHM Commenter 2007 (Genus IV edition) you're hardly going to achieve it being so devilish and off-the-cuff as this.


To wit:

djali said...
Oh my god I LOVE you Marmalade! Who are you? Do you have a blog? Please take me to it.

Take me, take me...etc.

You really ought to watch that charm offensive of yours, young man. Just look at poor Djali. She's come all undone.

Marmalade said...
Sorry djali, NO BLOG FOR YOU .

So, seriously, I have this problem with procrastination, and if I had a blog I'd be like Rainman (but with a blog) and all I'd do is, well...blog, I guess.

I'm too busy being swotty at a very average uni in the eastern suburbs (hint: it's not Monash). Besides, the other day I was watching bees in the backyard, right? So we have two sorts of flower growing in the grass because I broke the lawnmower. Dandelions and the other type.

Now, the thing was, the bees that visited the dandelions ONLY visited the dandelions, and vice versa: the bees that visited the other flowers stayed the fuck away from the dandelions. Weird, huh? I watched them for like half an hour. And if I blogged, it might eat into my precious bee-watching time.

Also, those last three paragraphs are why I'd make a terrible blogger. I mean, does Kid Rock watch bees?

Fuck, no.

And then:

Marmalade said...
Jesus, that first sentence was meant to have a [/shithouse Seinfeld joke] after it, simultaneously releasing any culpability from thinking the Soup Nazi is still funny, and proving I'm still young enough to make HTML jokes.

Whoopsie.

Form an orderly queue please, ladies. There's no call for shoving.

djali said...
You are at Latrobe? I AM AT LATROBE. (but Latrobe is not really eastern is it?...hmmm, I don't like this game )

You don't need to tell me about Procrastination though, I run the joint.

My friends were discussing baking hash cookies this weekend, except then they got lazy and started to contemplate doing something simpler like hash toasties. I left when it decended to suggestions of hash butter. On a teaspoon. Perhaps we have already met.

I liked the "No blog for you" part just the same.

Marmalade, don't you see? It's meant to be!

Are you calling dibs on Marmalade, Djali? That hardly seems fair. I hope you don't mind sharing.

Meva said...
( Psssst! Djali...

maybe it's Swinburne. )

The plot thickens. Gosh but the internet is a wonderful stalking tool. I'd keep your last name to yourself if I were you, Marmalade.

Suave:The Cat said...
"Marmalade said... that first sentence was meant to have a [shithouse Seinfeld joke] after it, simultaneously releasing any culpability from thinking the Soup Nazi is still funny."

The Soup Nazi IS still funny (moreso his cameo in "Scrubs").

"Vote For Pedro" t-shirts (especially as worn on election days in the People's Republic of Moreland) are not.

You SHOULD do a blog. Fuck, I'd read it...

Me too. Come on Marmalade, fire up.

Siouxsie said...
Marmalade, I belive you really must start a blog. There is always a little more room in the world for Seinfeld joke mixed in with HTML jokes.

That's four votes to one now. GET BLOGGING, WISEY.

BEVIS said...
Two questions for you:

1 ) http://www.facebook.com/s.php?k=100000080&id=508241701 ?

2) http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=685596690&highlight ?

You've just stumbled upon the Facebook profiles of people we were in high school with, which I can't see as being particularly controversial. What are the questions supposed to be exactly? Spell it out for me, I'm quite thick.

BEVIS said...
”I think that given the tone of the Bevis Tribune which goes out annually you're well within your rights to mention that you yourself are practically real-life best buddies with Delta Goodrem and if anyone was looking for backstage passes to her show they should pretty well contact you and you can have it arranged immediately. That's how these things work, you see.
You may then ask people for sexual favours in return for Goodrem-related perks.”

Mmm. See, the problem is, the 'BEVIS Baloney' Christmas Anti-Newsletter to which you refer is now a bi-annual thing (ie. we haven’t been arsed to get around to it this year), so I don’t know if I can contain myself for a whole twelve months. I mean, this is BIG NEWS. Delta freakin’ Goodrem, I tells ya. Mayhap I shall hire a skywriter or something.

... because those sexual favours you speak of sound tantalising! Is that how things work in the media industry? (For example, is that how you got the Triple J gig?)

Yes. Yes it is. I started off performing oral during the Super Requests show and took it from there.

BEVIS said...
Okay, so here’s my first question in the series I’ve pre-prepared for your eventual digestion:

(See if you can pick the running theme.)

What's going on in this picture?

It's two wholesome young ladies sharing frolicsome highjinkery, of course. Who among us wouldn't volunteer to give Kylie Minogue a piggyback? It would be lovely. She's light as a feather, for one thing.

smithy said...
I lived in Sydney once..I was there for two years..Felt like 10! Sailing on the harbour was nice, but the obsession with wealth wasn't . Given that I was a low paid media worker living in a share house in Greenwich it was hard for me to fit in to conversations on the yacht I crewed. Long time ago now.
Oh a question. Will you still be doing the condescension hour with young Faine? I dont imagine the 774 budget will allow you to fly down just for that unlike the commercial stations with their "commercial arrangements" .
Also is the JJJ gig a stepping stone into what you hope will be the vulgar but lucrative world of FM commercial radio? And finally is The Boy coming with you or is it tearful fairwells as you jump on the Greyhound bus (ABC budgets being what they are!) bound for the land of Sin?
Have a great day young lady!!

1. No more Convo Hr, sadly. I don't think I could stomach waking up at 4:30, doing a show in Sydney, and then jetting down to ABC Melbourne to make Jon Faine look cross whenever I dragged the tone of the show to gutter level. It may well finish me off.


2. No. No FM commercial radio. Not now, not ever.



3. As previously stated, he's joining me on the journey. And I for one am absolutely thrilled.

Jon faines ghost said...
Would you like Steve Prices phone number? You are both short and opinionated. I'm sure you'd hit it off. Then again maybe not...I imagine you still have a shred of decency, Steve, I'm not so sure. Mind you his wife works for Joe Hockey..well at least she did. That'd make for some great dinner party conversation for you!

No thank you. You can keep it.




p.s. Is being 'short and opinionated' really enough basis for a friendship these days? Verne Troyer can expect a call from me in the near future.

Meva said...
Ms Fits! I was so taken aback about your move to Sydders that I completely didn't register the 'haircutted motherfucker' bit in your intro to Q&A. Have you cut your hair? Are you MAD? (Or am I merely slow on the uptake?)

Gracious, no. I was just voicing my concern about moving to Sydney and perhaps being dragged into some kind of salon and given a feathered fauxhawk with tips. I shaved my hair twice as a youngstrel. Never again.

Shane Lyons said...
re poetry: try W.H. Auden. Bob Ellis and John Clark are both fans if that helps.

It most certainly does help, thank you.



While we're on the topic of Bob Ellis (human), did anyone else read the newspaper piece about him standing outside John Howard's house the morning after the election waiting for him to do his morning stroll? From memory the article implied that he may have been feeling somewhat refreshed after the previous evening's celebrations and had swung by to bid JWH farewell, or something along those lines. He tried to keep up with our ex-Prime Minister on the walk but got puffed after two blocks and had to drop off.



He continues to impress.

carly said...
my question for you (and anyone else who would like to answer):

would you fly from adelaide to dublin to visit the boy that you love for three weeks, knowing that he doesnt love you and that he said 'we shouldnt kiss because it would make it harder when you leave', and that he wont ever live in adelaide with you and your children?
you have the money and the time available. you could even possibly look at it as being a gift to yourself for your upcoming 30th birthday. the only things holding you back are your friends telling you not to waste your money and time on a boy that wont love you....and the fact that they're probably right

so, what do you think?

Boy, that's a tough one. In terms of the 'blowing cash for loveheart reasons' I'm on your side completely, as I'm the grade-A candidate for throwing caution to the wind and just disappearing overseas in search of love and with nary a thought to the monetary consequences. Most days I'd just instruct you to pack your bags and take yourself away, though I must say in this case that this gentleman doesn't sound as though he's entirely on board. If you wish to burn cash wooing a chap who won't even kiss you 'because it would make you harder when you leave' (note: if they desire to kiss you, they should simply just do it) then it's completely up to you, but my vote lies with blowing the loot on some gasp-inducingly expensive champagne and sitting in a bath with your best friend. Your friends are right. Good luck.

Horrified said...
A female mysoginist. Check out this bloggers rant about Julia
http://shrinkingkitty.blogspot.com/2007/12/hold-onto-your-nuts-boys.html

Wow. She doesn't mince words, does she?


'Viper "I'd eat my own young if I had any" Gillard has made (ridiculous) history - by becoming the first ugly cunt in the Top Job while Prime Wankister Krudd is doing his Chrissie shopping in Bali (tightarse).

Let's all hope and pray extra hard that she is the dried up HRT popping old scrag that she appears to be, I mean....do you want this hideous thing making all the impotent decisions with a scorching case of PMT? '


It's like the universe's exact opposite reaction to this post, isn't it? And to that I respond: takes all sorts/I will defend to the death your right to say it, etc.

FreeHugsTommy said...
Hello Ms Fits. It has been ages since i commented on this mighty blog. I have moved to the Nation's Capital and have only recently retrieved the use of the magic that is the interweb. After reading through this Q&A I have a reply, a comment, and a probably overly long-winded question. But hey.

Firstly, someone asked about truffles. Now, i have never had fresh truffles (more's the pity), but the parentals, realising the advanced level of gastronome snobbery that i had reached, last Christmas gave me a preserved truffle. I eventually ate it shaved over pasta with butter, cream and cheese. It was delicious. The smell is the major thing (which is why you shave it, to give more aroma), and it both smells and tastes like, and i realise this might not sound as appetising as it is, a combination of damp-earth and money. It's really rich and earthy, and just fantastic.

My comment is much briefer. I love 'Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close'. When i picked it up I had no idea what it was, and i really enjoyed it. Just thought i'd say that.

Now to my question, or more correctly, to the background to my question. The other day I was severely tempted to buy a $60 nailcare kit that I had absolutely no need for (i bite my nails far too much) and noone to give it to. I was so severely tempted to buy this product entirely because I completely fell in love with the truely stunning red-haired young French woman trying to sell it to me. I was considering talking to her past the topic of the product, but as i was not buying it I felt guilty holding her time. My question is, what is the etiquette surrounding asking out people while they are trying to sell products from those promotional stalls in the middle of shopping centres? Or, more directly, what should I do if I see this lovely ranga Frenchie again?

A bloodnut with an accent, lucky you! Whatever the etiquette regarding lustily lunging oneself at the Australian Diamond Company man and his sandwich board or similar is I say pah to it. Approach with earnest, grasp the bull by its glorious horns and ask it out on a Frenchy date to meet lip-first in the middle of a ham baguette and you'll always be able to laugh over that $60 nailcare kit when you're butt-naked in bed talking wistfully about living in the country with lots of rosy-cheeked babies.

Ben said...
"all the sexual flow of a haemorrhaging oil rig".

Oh, you do set a boy's heart a-twitter when you make with the words, miss.

Not *technically* a question, no.

Not at all. But to hell with technicalities. It's Friday, people.



*dons jeans for genes*

richwell said...
*splutter*
not leaving us for a month AND coming to Sydney AND on the J's. heh heh. there is a dog after all!

When was I going to leave for a month? Did I say I was planning to? Christ, I can be such an awful liar when I want to be.

a nonny mouse said...
When do you start on JJJ?

I only listen to the morning show once every 8 moons, but for you I will make an expectation.

You're too kind. I begin on January 14th and will try to whisper sweet nothings right into your alarm clock, though I can't promise I'll actually be conscious at that time of the morning.

forkandspoon said...
Well, I'm a little late to jump on the Fits train, but i'm enjoying the ride.
I must say though, I'm an avid Frankie reader, and quite deeply in love with the first tuesday book club. I guess it was inevitable I'd end up here too.
I did sigh a little at the loss of Lady Myf, but the news of your adition to the J team made my dented heart heal.
My question is, how *do* you style your hair so sweetly?
Also marmalade, who knew bee watching could be so absorbing? blog on!
x

Hello cutlery person, welcome aboard.



*toots horn*



I'm not sure if you're taking the mickey out of my increasingly ridiculous hairdo, but since you asked...


I tend to wake up in the morning, stagger into the bathroom, dig out a couple of elastics with rogue hairs wrapped around them and pigtail up to start the day, all in about four of your earth seconds. I would have thought the lack of attention I pay my hair was offensively obvious to all concerned. I'd love to rock the Winehouse beehive, but to be honest I am unbelieveably lazy and simply cannot be arsed.







p.s. That's yet another vote for you Marmalade, you fucking prom king. Listen to what the ladies are yearning for and get to typing.

Marmalade said...
Hey, y'all making me blush with yer kind words and whatnot. Cheers, etc.

Djali: I'm sure you're quick enough to jump over this lazy dog.

Hel-lo....





Djali, I think you've kicked a goal here.

Big Matt Stud said...
Ms Fits, I'm mildly disappointed that you chose not to add to your collection of alter egos and instead are known on JJJ simply as Celebrity Blogger Marieke Hardy. Did you not think of adding to Holly C, Ms Fits, Diana Elgar, any others I'm unaware of ?

Also, how long do you have to appear as part of a zany radio crew before you switch from being Celebrity Blogger Marieke Hardy to Breakfast Radio Personality Marieke Hardy ?

You can't hide behind alter egos on the ABC, Big Matt Stud. They are an upstanding organisation who expect only the best from their contributors and broadcasters and I FOR ONE INTEND TO DELIVER except for when I am hungover or overtired in which case I will just 'phone it in'.




Also I will remain a 'Celebrity Blogger' for as long as those two words remain part of the modern dialect. I'd rack it up as mid-2008 if I were you.

Melbourne Eyes said...
Back in October I got a promotion a week after moving house. This means having just got the internet reconnected (that's right it's only taken nearly 3 months) and being far to busy at work to visit RYWHM, I settled in today to catch up and what do I find? You are moving to Sydney! Don't do it, it doesn't suit you. So my question - why?
Also many moons ago I left a drunken question in the wrong section which you answered anyway because it freaked you out I think. Apologies for the delay in clearing this up, but when I said I'd visited "your abode" I meant I used to go round to your place as I am mate of your fella at the time. When I asked could I say "remember us?" at the supermarket, I meant "us" as in me and my fella cause we both know your ex and were somtimes in your company back when Ad-Rock was really hot.
So amused at your take on my question, pretty embarrassed about the drunken post and always to shy to come say hi when I see you out and about as you probably don't remember me and the fella and I don't want you to think I am doing it cause you're always on the telly now.
Phew! Glad we cleared that up.

I am moving to Sydney for work, and I can't for the life of me figure out who you are although I have racked my tiny brain for answers. If you've known me for some time I applaud your relationship staying power and I have no idea who my 'fella at the time' may have been. Also, Ad-Rock was hot for many years.


Please come and say hello in future. I am very nice.

Earthworm said...
My memory is a bit sketchy at the best of times, but were you one of the break-away ladies residing in the share house in Punt Road circa 1992? I think I remember you there... weirdly my friends dad owns that house and she lived there afterwards for about 10 years.

My word. Your memory is first-rate, Earthworm. That house was the first one I ever lived in out of home when I was all of sixteen years old. We made an absolute mess of it, to be honest. Please send on my apologies to your friend - it must have been in a complete state when we hauled our teenage selves off to trash some new rental joint nearby with our bucket bongs and wet towels.

LadyAdder said...
My intrigue is piqued at why Anonymous would want to know if your boyfriend is circumcised or not. Do you think it might be a girlfriend of yours who has designs on your fella and wanted to be fully informed?

I certainly hope not, though I did briefly wonder why someone was so keen to find out about Tim's penis. If it's one of my friends may I just say at this juncture BACK THE FUCK OFF and go about my merry way otherwise unencumbered? Thank you kindly.

Siouxsie said...
And to Miss Fits
As a "Youth" of Melbourne, Australia, it seems that you are everywhere desirable.

I was pleasently suprised the other day when I found the book of 'Short Cuts', at a friend's while we were discussing Frankie, your witty writing and how JJJ has gained a priceless resourse with your employment.
How do you find time for all your witticism across what seems to be ALL mediums?

Also your Ranga? Are you leaving him here at home in Melbourne?
He doesn't attempt to dye his locks does he? That would be sacrilege!!

a) It's a bit media whoreish, isn't it? I could always take up fencing instead. Anyway, I don't actively seek to be employed through different mediums - I just keep doing what I enjoy and everything else that happens afterwards is a bonus. Oh god, I'm sounding like a fucking Australian Idol contestant. Have me shot at when you next see me, please.



b) He certainly does not dye his hair, no. Nor does he dye 'down there', just in case that person who's so very interested in his groinal region is reading.

Jess said...
How old was Bob Ellis when you got her? What were the puppy days like - did she bite a lot? Is getting a dog still the best thing you've ever done?

REASSURE ME. Pupmotherhood is hard, but I have a sneaking suspicion it will be worth it in the end.

PS: I've quite happily read a book during Meredith. It is a delightful thing to sit in the afternoon sun, surrounded by your loved ones, listening to music and soaking up the words. Don't go changin', etc.

x

Hello, neighbour.


1) She was six weeks old and ADORABLE.


2) No, she was trained up rather smartly. The stricter you are with laying down the rules when they're wee beans, the better. Even these days Bob Ellis still won't eat her dinner until I've told her it's okay, the dear thing. O, my heart just melts...


3) It's certainly up there with the best thing I've ever done, yes. The warmth, companionship, responsibility and overwhelming love are enough to fill one up with good feeling until the end of time and just now I took a break from q and a to find her on the couch where I kissed her all over her lovely furry face and I must say I feel all the better for it. Enjoy your hound.

BEVIS said...
Happy Christmas. Okay with you, lovely lady?

Absolutely. And a merry festives to you also.

Rustique said...
Reading laugh out loud comedy on public transport*. Thoughts and opinions.

Can you hang on through the nervous nineties and bring up the century of Q&A's?

*Thanks to whomever 'twas that recommended Micallef's "Smitereens". Funniest book I've read.

Good lord, a century of q and a's. We're going to make it, aren't we? I'm not sure if that's unbearably tragic or hugely admirable. I'm going to wager it's a little of both, and thus neatly summises my entire life up to this point. Which is nice.






*******************************



What an awful lot of questions that was. If you managed to read them all, more power to you. If you skimmed over the boring bits just to find your own question, I don't blame you. I do tend to go on a bit.



I'm off to skip the streets with the Gingernut Snap, fuss over Gabi's astounding daughter and generally make a nuisance of myself around the neighbourhood. Leave your questions for next time in the comments below and if I don't see you before then do please have the loveliest of Christmases.

50 comments.