Reasons you will hate me

Friday q and a #94, part A.

Remember when Friday q's used to be all diminutive and wee? It would appear those days are gone and we're now left to fend for ourselves under the mighty weight of faceless commentings. Forgive me for splitting these up into parts; it truly is impossible to answer everything in one go and I wouldn't for the life of me expect you to waste hours in your busy day trawling through my responses. Honestly, go outside and get some fresh air. Have you noticed how delightfully rainy it's been in Sydney this past week? Marvellous.


It's a long weekend and if any of you remember these ol' Friday questions then all is well with the world.

Magda Carter said...
Speaking of the Apology and Bob Ellis, I have a photo of Bob next to the screens set up on the Parliament house lawns. I just saw him and took it. Is there any way of sending it in? Also in Canberra that week were the "Chicken dancers" - the Yolgnu boys who do an Aboriginal interpretation of Zorba the Greek. Anyone who hasn't seen it, go to the tube right now and search for "Yolgnu Zorba"
Loved the busk off with Ben Lee - hilarious, & the perfect set-up to see (hear) Robbie make a right fool of himself.

I actually enjoyed a masterful evening in one-on-one conversation with Bob Ellis (human) at the National Gallery last Saturday while Bob Ellis (canine) was being dogsat by the lovely Boudist and no doubt spraying a fine mist of fleas across his carpet. Bob Ellis (human) and I drank wine and discussed the pressing matter of Amis, M. vs Amis, K. Planets aligned. Magic happened. Don't take your organs to heaven, heaven knows we need them here. And so on.



Please do send in photographs of B. Ellis (human) and/or B. Ellis (canine) to me at Triple J, GPO Box 9994 Sydney 2001. Gosh, I've come over all Earlybird Show.



Additionally:

sp_bookish said...
Long-time lurker, first-time poster, et al. Thanks for the blog, Ms Fits - I love it dearly.

I just want to say to Magda Carter (first comment above) that if you can find a way to post your pic of Mr Ellis on Sorry Day, I would love to see it. I thought I caught a glimpse of him on one of the telecasts I watched, and it must indeed have been him. Like you, Fits, I adore the man's writing and he himself is a delightful curmudgeon (I have had a bit to do with him - I don't mean to name-drop at all, but I regard him as a Living National Treasure and believe our wide brown land would be worse off without him). His 'Unleashed' piece on the ABC's website about Sorry Day is worth a read: http://www.abc.net.au/unleashed/stories/s2167953.htm.

Let us all hail the mighty powers of Bob Ellis. When I bumped into him in a corridor last week he leaned into me to whisper and I almost fainted.


Bob Ellis: Is it true you named your dog after me?



Me: Yes.



Bob Ellis: (smiles indulgently)



Me: She's the light of my life.



pause



Me: As are you, of course.



longer pause



Me: I think I may go over there and eat a biscuit.

Marmalade said...
Dear Clara Bow,

You can't go east and you can't go west, which leaves the south (St Kilda/ SK East, bit light on for quality drinking establishments that are book friendly).

But you should gather up your skiff, your coiled lines, your gaff and harpoon and head nor'easterly: Kensington - North Melbournish. Good bike routes (ride fast at night, though), reasonably sane rents and smack-bang between the city and Fitzroy/Brunswick for the tunez and the foodz.

You'd be within walking distance of the Drunken Poet, a marvellous TV-free haven of book geeks and board games (I know I've mentioned this before, but I think I've got a bit of a low-key thing burning for Siobhan, the proprietor...it's the accent). Plus she remembers your name, even silly ones like mine that lack vowels. Although this once led to a kerfuffle with a birthday cake...[/offtopic].

Anyway, if you do come to Melbourne, welcome aboard.

There's a reason all the RYWHM ladies are giddy for you, Marmalade. And it's not just your exemplary knowledge of the Melbourne backstreets.

epon_anon said...
I have to second Marmalade's Kensington/Nth Melbourne advice (also look just across Victoria St at West Melbourne too). Meets pretty much all of the criteria you have set out, though anywhere vaguely inner-cityish isn't that cheap any more.

The last time I did these q and a's was so fucking long ago I can't even remember who was wanting tips about Melbourne or why. Whoever it is has probably moved there, brought up a healthy and happy family, and passed on to the other side surrounded by friends and family in a mock Tudor two-storey in Brighton. I do apologise once again for my tardiness.

lill said...
oooh Marmalade and EA, you are so right, having lived in Kensington (and Flemington) I can recommend it. Although it's been quite a while since I left beautiful Melbourne I loved living in both places. Nice to able to walk to interesting places and (at least when I lived there) quite a sense of community. Or was that a fluke? So hard to judge whether one's own experience is similar to other people's. I'd hate to think we were sending dear Clara to a hellhole. Anyway I've lived in lots of different places and they were my favs. Although the daily trip to Swinburne was ick. Good luck Clara!

I do like it very much when RYWHM comes over all Lonely Planet. Maybe we should open our own Backpackers.

Gareth said...
@ Marmalade - what about the newly gentrified Yarraville area? I find myself in a similar situation to Clara so I thank you for your sage advice.

I'm beginning to harbour sneaking suspicions that I may be somewhat of a middle man in this q and a arrangement. There has never been a better time for our Marmalade to get his own blog up and running. At the very least, Tourism Victoria will throw money in his general direction.



to wit:

Marmalade said...
@ Gareth:
Unfortunately I'm more dill than sage...thank you, thank you, pass me a saucepun, I'll be in your kitchen all week [/that].

Big fan of Yarraville. The Sun Theatre = two thumbs up (great seats), and the Commercial Hotel on Whitehall St has never failed to delight on the few Saturdays I've spent there. Although I understand Monte Diamonte has tottered off to happier climes, and her emceeing of Saturday night karaoke made the place. Imagine a queen who could ruck for Melbourne and shout down a Tourettic sailor. Probably at the same time.

I think Clara wanted somewhere she could cycle to the city from, though, and you'd have to be keen to go from Yarraville on regular basis. Unless you had one of those floating trikes with the paddle wheels. Even I'd ride to work on one of those suckers.

Are you just trying to taunt the women of this blog, Marmalade? Stop it.

alicia said...
It's more than blasphermious (excuse me, I'm not quite sure how to spell that) to put Family Guy before The Simpsons.
It's a complete and utter atrocity.

Melbournites are not bitchy and cruel. They are honest. Sydneysiders may think of that when Melbourne takes over Australia in 2028.

I think I have too much time on my hands by reading your blog so often lately, but clearly not as much time as the people who enjoy having arguments via these comments.

And yet not as much time as me, someone who is clearly pissing her life up against a wall by whiling away days addressing the pressing life problems of faceless strangers via the internerd. Still, different strokes and all that.

epon_anon said...
Oh and not that concerned about whether Family Guy comes before the Simpsons but I think that Drawn Together should definitely be on that list. Or else.

Oh dear, now we're going to start a debate about which animated series kicks which other animated series' butt all the way to Hades and back. CAN WE NOT FOCUS.

Andy Pants said...
"Possibly not as proud as they were the day I announced on radio that I'd once had a threeway in their bed, but yes. Impressed regardless"

Wait, what!?!?! What kind of threeway? The two girls kind or the two dudes kind? Or the three girls kind? Is that story true? Either way that's completely awesome. Excuse me... I have to go... do... stuff...

It was 'the two girls kind', if by that you mean two young ladies and a gentleman caller. It was many years ago and it was most frolicsome. From memory there were plans afoot to have another party in attendance but he got the willies and stayed up the other end of the house playing computer games and trembling.

EclecticEccentric said...
I wasn't going to take that bait, but Andy and Anon have, so ...

a) only once?
b) announcing on radio would, I imagine, be less costly than taking out full-page print advertisements; ("That's our girl; saving for the future.")
c) did the next conversation between you and your parents begin with their opening line, "Well, we sold the bed, ... "?
d) ... and was your opening line "Honestly, in your bed, it was just the one time."

Honestly Fits; burying the juciest stuff (no pun intended) in the middle of the blog!

When I think of something helpful for Confused of Brunswick, I will tender it (in the certain knowledge that no-one needs to take my free advice).

a) In their bed, yes.


b) THEY WERE UNDER STRICT INSTRUCTIONS NOT TO LISTEN TO MY SHOW ON TRIPLE R AS IT WAS RATHER 'BLUE' IN TONE.


c) No. It began 'Well, I'm certainly glad we washed the sheets'.


d) No. It was 'OH MY GOD YOU PROMISED NOT TO LISTEN'.

Andrew said...
JJJ does stream live over the Internet, and there is software to record a live stream at preset times. Not as convenient as a podcast, but it works.

I wouldn't know this stuff as I am a) faintly retarded and b) vaguely uninterested in much else outside of turning up at 5:30 each morning and being boorish on the airwaves.

Ben said...
Clearing things up...

- it is slightly blasphemous, but I can still admire someone who puts FG ahead of the Simpsons, because it IS fucking genius. Drawn Together is good, but doesn't belong in the canon. Here endeth the lesson.

- Oh no, dropping the subject isn't successful in the sense of getting any sex, it's just that I find that talking about it = no sex plus fighting. If you just stop talking about, you till don't have sex, but at least there's peace.

Unless, by some chance, I've just had a very depressing life.

I think your advice was quite right to the unhappy young lady, though.

Marmalade, you are a patron of the Drunken Poet? I've performed there a couple of times, maybe we have actually crossed paths. I'm on at Blue Velvet on Smith Street on Thursday night, incidentally, for anyone interested.

Yes I am good at self-promotion. On other people's blogs, anyway.

Quote: "I wasn't aware squirting had 'fired up so much interest' (amongst whom? Vaginal Fanciers Anonymous?"

Hello. My name's Ben, and I like vaginas.

When would you like to do breakfast?

Oh, the breakfast question is because you asked for someone to take you out for breakfast in Melbourne. It doesn't follow directly from the vagina-liking comment. In case you were wondering.

What should one do if their neck's been hurting for two weeks?

See a physiotherapist.


Surely you didn't need to come here to ask that question. Have you not got friends and relatives? Did you just use the neck thing as an excuse to have a little preamble in the comments? Go on, you did. Also I can't do breakfast in Melbourne today as I now live in Sydney but I will most likely be back for a visit in a few weeks so keep the bagels warm until then.

Anonymous said...
i have a very important question of seismic and life-altering importance which my internet/facebook 'research' (where research=stalking, but in a nice way) has failed to resolve. please help me, obi wan kenobi, you're my only hope.

i am a in desperate internet love with the book grocer's retsina-dry prose and air of mild dishevelment, and wish to marry him without further ado. how would you rate my chances, out of ten? (btw i am of the female persuasion, will that be a problem? (if you know what i mean (and i think you do)))

Now this is rather interesting. The Book Grocer is indeed one of Melbourne's most eligible bachelors about town, and a deft hand when it comes to the Queen's English. Out of ten I would rate your chances seven if you live in or around Melbourne, and about - 2 if you live elsewhere. He's had some difficult experiences with interstate love affairs and is uninterested in attempting more.


Why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself? He'll be reading and so far all we know is that you are a lady. Allow me to pimp out my friends to the general public like so much Halloween candy.

Yokel said...
1) How did you get a start in the media caper?

2) Have you seen the HBO series "The Wire", and does it deserve its rave reviews?

3) Julian Burnside seems such an erudite and nice chap; glean any insights into his world while he was talkin' books?

1) I grew up in the world of television since my folks were actors and writers and script editors and such when I was born and I have quite clearly dined out on their name and reputation ever since. Many misguided years in adolescence were spent in front of the camera until I wisely realised I couldn't act to save my fucking life and focussed on a career in writing and so it has been ever since the age of about seventeen. Things like the book show and the Age sprang forth from the blog, which just goes to prove that even the dorkiest of hobbies can occasionally reap rewards.


2) I have not seen it, no. Apologies.



3) Oh, he's wonderful. He was rather subdued on FTBC but I saw him recently and he was full of nice and interesting things to say about the arts and the world and people in it. I get a bit shy around him because I happen to find him eight electric servings of splendid, but the times when we have spoken freely have been illuminating to say the least.



Help with The Wire:

sp_bookish said...

Also, to Yokel, 'The Wire' most definitely deserves all the rave reviews it has received. Brilliant script, great performances, funny, brutal, sad and moving - and most rewarding of all, it never treats the viewer like an idiot. You need to have your brain switched on while you watch it.

Happy belated Mardi Gras to all. Did you go to anything at the festival, Fits?

I can't even fucking remember what I did at Mardi Gras. I know I wasn't in town. Wasn't it about eighteen years ago? Christ, I've been lazy with this thing.

squib said...
My dear Ms Fits. The only thing wrong with that picture of Alan Brough (he of the irresistible laugh and twinkling eyes) is that the resolution is so small I had to tile it as my screen's wallpaper
Surprisingly, you are not the first person to note my mental impairment. As a child, other children my age gave me a head start in the swimming pool because, as they later explained to my mother, they thought I was 'a bit special'. Only because I made the dreadful mistake of showing one of them my extensive button collection (the buttons all had names you see).
I am far too decrepit to venture into Dotti. When you reach the ripe old age of 34 like me you will probably find that you don't go into these adolescent stores anymore. At about the same time, Alan starts to seem a bit spunky and you find it really hard to stay awake for the main act at a music gig.

So I have two years before I leave behind the irresistibly attractive combination of Dotti dresses and Hamish Blake? I am going to tackle the intervening twenty-four months with gusto, then. Ms. Jennings-Edquist be warned.

Mad Cat Lady said...

My nephew referred to the biggest chip in the bowl as the "Ulitmate Chip" the other day. Alan Brough is definately the Ultimate Man. Tall, dark, quick - all things a girl looks for in a man.


when I said quick, I meant quick-witted. Not that Mr Brough is a premature ejeculator. Not that I have any idea about his prowess ... um ... oh dear.
I really need to proof read before I post.

'Tall, dark and quick'? I suppose in some ways you're right















And in other ways you're well off the mark

Ms Anonymous said...
Oh, my friends are upset about the poor old Caramello Koala's picture on the wrapping. Mainly, that it is red, and they wonder why it was chosen to be so and what a humble grey koala has been through to turn a shade of tomato red. These friends, they do not sleep much.

Your advice re: absent darling best friends is all types of loveliness and I thank you.

Have they written a letter of complaint to the upstanding folk at the Caramello workshop? There may be a perfectly reasonable explanation for his rouge colouring. The poor chocolatey darling might have just realised with a start how patently unfashionable green dungarees are.

Dan said...
> Is there a podcast of the show?

Yes.

http://www.triplej.net.au/listen/podcast.htm#breakfast

Abandon all hope ye who enter here, etc.

Sandgroper said...
All this talk about Sydney vs Melbourne!
Who gives a rats arse!
Frankly, anything east of the Nullarbor is a bit sus :)

You do realise this isn't a question, don't you? I can't be expected to simply act as cheerleader for interstate chest-beating. Despite all appearances to the contrary, I'm quite busy. I'd much rather be making soup.

charlie dangerfield said...
there might be flies on you and me, but there are no flies on jesus.

Oh good, now the Christian Right are showing up to the party. Quick, someone spike the punch with Dettol.

gottlieb said...
Not the slap and tickle type of guy Fits, I guess it's more the lack of interest, its like toothpaste you know, once it's out of the tube you can't put it back....too much info?. It's been that long since the last Q&A I've had another birthday I'm now 63!, keep up the good work, I love the book club and I miss you on 774 with JF, and I really do think Kev's got a handle on this politics caper.

Never too much info, gottlieb. I expect others to share as much degrading detail as I have over the past five years. Hippies blisters to you on your anniversarie celebratings, by the way.

Kaleu Big said...
I have to tone the telling of my imagination down. Recently at dinner I asked the pirate looking gentleman opposite me, is it true that if we were to shave your head , we would find the map to Treasure Island. He wasn’t sure what I meant, I thought it funny and I’m sure other people would as well, if only we had some clippers handy.

I prefer the pigtailed floral fairy,swearing politely

Si ,do you read Fantasy Genre. I suspected a book could bed you with dinner ,although i didn't give this advice when he asked me


My high school crush was Ciccolina,didn't understand a word she said,I kept a folded on itself picture of her in the bottom of my school bag

I would never suggest being pushed around, unless it’s a game of push around,which is fun . I think it’s more about enjoying supper with your disciples.
I admire self-belief it's a great quality,you can't fly without it

I’d like to put out a version of “Heaven on their Minds” to rival Jon Stevens. However I don’t think anyone could top his version, although Carl Anderson from the 73 film does deliver a great tune, 4 stars, your comments Margaret Fits?

Do you like Paul Capsis?
Do you like the time warp musical he is doing? , I think the show will be worth seeing for him, he could probably perform all the characters

What character would you play in your version on JCS, Jesus or Mary?

Looking up or after your parents is a good thing. I am the only one to do it in my crew, even though I have many siblings. It’s the unwritten 11th commandment, but so is two girls towel drying me on shower exit, but the church won’t accept that either

Keep shining & entertaining, thank you for your words.

a) I’d like to put out a version of “Heaven on their Minds” to rival Jon Stevens....your comments Margaret Fits?


No-one, but no-one, tops Murray Head in the 1970 UK recording of Jesus Christ Superstar. Honestly, it's as though you people have never even heard of One Night In Bangkok.


b) Do you like Paul Capsis?

I don't know his work really, but he lives in my neighbourhood and I see him strolling about all the time. I nod at him in a friendly fashion and he completely ignores me. This is the pattern for most of my relationships with torch singers.



c) Do you like the time warp musical he is doing?

Rocky Horror Picture Show? Of course. Though I'd rather get drunk at home and watch the movie version than get all tizzed up and sit amongst eight thousand middle-aged hairdressers with a day pass to funsville.



d) What character would you play in your version on JCS, Jesus or Mary?

I used to play both at home in my living room growing up, with added bonus roles as Judas, Herod, and Pontius Pilate. It's odd for one so immersed in religious musical as a bean to grow up so bone-ignorant about all things Christly. Still, at least I had hobbies.

Anonymous said...
A question...

What should I do with my copy of Alice Sebold's The Almost Moon?

a) tear it up into teeny weeny strips and put it in the compost bin

b) leave it on a street corner for some lost soul to find

c) use it to light the first woodfire of winter

d) any other ideas?

God, what an unmitigated piece of shit that novel was. I can't remember the last time I felt so cheated at the end of a book, and I've read The Bride Stripped Bare. Having said that, I never throw out books so the copy still lurks somewhere on the shelves waiting to be picked up and spat on. Whatever you do, don't choose option b. No-one deserves to be sucked into the vacuous mire of The Almost Moon without due warning.

Gareth said...
Dear Beloved Host,

I've been watching all the First Tuesday Book Club episodes on the ABC site and I have to ask - are the episodes rehearsed? Or are you all that spontaneously witty?

Also, would it be possible to arrange for Germaine Greer and John Safran to be on the same episode? That would be some amazing TV.

i) Not rehearsed, no. Obviously I privately rehearse the outrageously hilarious funnies in my head and then completely fuck them up in delivery under pressure. Still, it creates a pleasing air of literary chaos.


ii) Wouldn't that be wonderful? At the very least I wouldn't have to say a thing and could probably drink gin throughout the episode's taping.

jon said...
dear ms fits,

my girlfriend overheard you one morning a couple of weeks ago teaching the boys some czech swear words, and as she is of czech origin she is intrigued as to your own connection to .cz and, if none, how you know such things?

from my own point of view, the only czech swear word I know is "prd", which is admittedly pretty mild, but does make me giggle every time I see an ad for the PRD real estate agents here in melbourne.

All things Czech-related in my life come via my beloved best friend and good ladywife Gabi whose parents were born and raised in Brno. When we lived together I used to sit at her feet and listen to her speak Czech to her grandmother on the phone and it drove me nuts. I also celebrate Czech Christmas Eve with her family every year. I am practically Czech, clearly.

Anonymous said...
Dear Fitsy

Lucky me has recently started dating a handsome young gentleman who certainly qualifies as a Vaginal Fancier (see Friday Q&A re - Squirting).

Rather than being Anonymous, however, he is making himself known in the best possible way.

As you said "the more illumination with regards to lady business, the better."

The young gentleman in question (let's call him 'Mr Smith') has been inspired to invent a whole range of terms for the most intricate of tongue twisting lady-pleasing techniques, such as "Put Away the Files"and "Around the World".

I cant seem to remember the other ones very well, my concentration seems to fade rapidly during my conversations with him on this topic...

Anyway, it strikes me that the more precise terminology we can assemble on this subject the better. Imagine the benefits of having twenty of more intricately specific terms to suggest or request!

Perhaps we could begin such a project right here on your blog?

Improved oral pleasure through cunning linguistics!

Regards

Satisfied in Surry Hills

Lucky you, Satisfied. A gentleman connoisseur of cunnilingus, complete with entertaining phrasebook and travel guide. While the terms of example proffered could also be used to describe certain wild-eyed raving children gesticulating wildly to electronica music at a warehouse party, I do appreciate the efforts involved. Does anyone wish to step up to the table? There you go, that's one right there. 'Stepping up to the table'. Although I'm not sure what 'asking for dessert' would entail in that particular scenario.

susanna said...
Hey Fitz, you make a passing reference to Sarah Blasko in your last questions. What do you make of her and her music? I have often been sneered at and ridiculed by my (far cooler) friends for thinking her quite lovely and talented. Do you line up with the ridiculers or the fans? Just curious.

I am quite impartial when it comes to the musical stylings of Sarah Blasko, though I do very much like her cover of Flame Trees from the Little Fish soundtrack and also her alleged signing off on text messages as 'Blazzy'. Tell your cooler friends to go fuck themselves. I like two Maroon 5 songs. TRY DEFENDING ADAM LEVINE TO A BAR FULL OF VICE CHILDREN.

BigMattStud said...
Fits, although I don't want to pretend that I'm not interested in the salacious details of your threeway in the parental bed, I'm also interested in how the conversation with your parents went after that little tidbit had been revealed. Was there a 'please explain' or was there just a lot of embarrassed avoiding of the subject ? Were they in the habit of listening often to your radio show (and I assume that we're talking about Best of the Brat here and not your current yoof related morning gig). If so I can imagine there may have been more than one awkward revelation of this kind, so perhaps they may have been more blase about it than I'm imagining.

Oh, it was laughed off relatively quickly. I think I was more embarrassed than they were as I tend not to censor myself much if I know they're not listening to certain radio broadcasts. And yes, the revelation emerged via the much-missed lowbrow magic of Best of the Brat and not at 7:15 on a Tuesday morning to the nation's electro-loving children.

BigMattStud said...
...and do you have any particular plans for the $20.08 prize you won as part of your Bloggie award ?

Wait, I won MONEY? No-one told me that. I will buy some wine as soon as they send me my novelty cheque.

Dan Goon said...
Ms Fits. Great work on the radio. You and Mr Buck have saved the Breakfast show. I was expecting that 'the Dr' without Jay would be, well, like Jay without Silent Bob.

Now, the first thing has to do with nothing more than your fav Aussie bands as listed on the JJJ site. I reckon that Dynamo and Digger could well be the best rock bands most people have never seen.
Thoughts?
Comments?

I'm well late on the Melbourne renting thing too, but Northcote, Thornbury and Fairfield are all great suburbs, all within 15 minutes by bike of the CBD.
Fairfield has more good food than anywhere and it's pretty relaxed. And its on the Hurstbridge trainline.

Digger and the Pussycats are sadly nearing the end of a lifetime as they work their way across Europe...drummer Andy will be stepping off the two-piece train and settling in Berlin while Sam heads back home to become a wrestler or something equally as exotic and I shall miss their blistering garage rock noise terribly. Go buy their new album and if I Want To Be Your Slut doesn't make you fizz in awkward places then there's something quite the matter with you.


You're utterly right about Dynamo, too - best party band in Australia, hands down. If I gracefully depart the J-waves having done nothing else but spread the word of their importance a little further then I will retire happy.

Dr Strangeglove said...
I shall endeavour to find the kama sutra teatowel set, and also enclose a dildo poster to prove a point.

Hang it in the studio and you will get more entertaining and insightful answers from guests.

1) Can you bring on the First Tuesday Book Club woman Jennifer onto the Venerable Js more often?
She is both entertaining and able to hold my interest, possibly as she has a voice I would drag myself over warmed coals for. Does she have her own First Tuesday Fan Club?

2) Can you be on First Tuesday more often, I either missed you or you were dressed as an elderly man last time I watched it.

3) Threeway? Parents bed? Can I find this on a podcast?

4) Can you publish a cunning linguist advisory special I can forward the gf to? She wouldn't let me past "Teaching the ABCs" once I started, and encourage her to try new things.

5) What are you doing with the newfound prestige and prize money from winning The Award?

1) Once a month is all we're allowed, I'm afraid. Something about a 'demographic'. Absolute piffle.


2) I am on every month as advertised, and never once dressed as an elderly man. Are you sure I wasn't hiding behind David Malouf?


3) No you cannot.


4) What on earth do you mean? Are you slyly referring to a 'how to' guide for oral sex on ladies or do I just have my mind in the gutter? NB Both answers may be correct.


5) Hiding.

Melbourne Eyes said...
Having made the acquaintence of both you and Anna (she of the Hamish) you are by far the superior of the two. She does have those amazing bosoms though.
Do you think the confession on March 13 at 10.09 was Mr Blake? *You* can but hope.

Yes, I do presume most of the complimentary anonymous commenters on here are Hamish Blake. It's how I get through my day. When I meet him I will clutch at his lapels and shriek I'M YOURS ALL YOURS TAKE ME OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE and I think it will go splendidly.

Grant said...
Hey Marieke. Your blogs are a waste of time. People who enjoy your articles and blogs should be shot. Better yet, you should be shot. You are a waste of air. Go home.

Very constructive Grant, thank you. Whilst I'm arranging a firing squad to mow down both myself and anyone foolhardy enough to read my writing perhaps you could ram a rusty nail into the eye of your penis and catch septicemia. Failing that, you might consider focussing your attentions on someone who you don't wholly despise as hatred tends to give human beings bowel cancer. Just a tip.

Dave said...
Where the hell have I been? I've only just discovered your blog on the interweb and am in awe. Next up I will have to investigate this 'ere porn they're talking about....

Question for ye: If you had to choose only to have ONE of the following for the rest of your life what would it be - music or books. Choose carefully Dr Jones.

And now for some shameless left promotion - I've started my own Blog - http://idiotsview.blogspot.com/ (now I feel so cheap....)

You are amongst friends here with your shameless self-promoting, Dave. Fear not the judgement of others.


With regards to your question, I'd have to say books. Simply because having moved into a new house two weeks ago I have made it a priority to unpack every single novel and cram it into a shelf, whilst the compact disc collection is sitting sadly in the corridor unable to be accommodated. I'm existing quite well on vinyl and ipod, though you'd be prying my paperbacks from my cold dead hands.

Mophead said...
I have just finished an internship on radio myself.
Please give me a job. Do you need an assistant?

Im very good at entertaining dogs and I love giving food advice. I also put a secret ingredient in coffee to make it extra yummy.

Ill also throw in the ability to be low paid, and political goss into the mix.
I'm also used to early mornings.

Mophead.
xx

I would like nothing more than to take you on as a PA Mophead, though sadly my frankly startling ABC salary struggles to stretch further than a sausage roll and a Snapple from the local 7-11. You do sound like quite the catch, though. What's the secret ingredient you put in your coffee? Is it whiskey? I hope it's whiskey.

Kristy said...
Mophead loves giving food advice. Is that 'food' advice, or do you talk to your dinner often?

Honestly, I need a career change. I am far too sharp and witty to be a public servant - you should totally chose me instead.

OMG BATTLE OF THE ASSISTANTS I SENSE A REALITY TV SERIES

Rhiannon said...
http://www.perfectblend.net/features/marieke-3.jpg

look what i just found! brilliant! and your dark roots are very "early 90s rebellious teen". did you actually have that much regrowth or did they dye your hair like that for the part?

you really suit short hair though :)

Oh dear.


1. That unfortunate period was about five months after a full head shave and array of fascinating colour choices. I can't be blamed; it was thirteen years ago and I was a complete twit.


2. Poor regrowth model's own.


3. I most certainly do not suit short hair. I look like an eleven-year-old Italian magician boy named Vito doing tricks in his nonna's garage.

squib said...
I have recently begun fining my 13 year old daughter one dollar every time she uses the word butt (as in bum). Am I being unreasonable, given that I detest this stupid word and also given that when I gave birth to her, I had no pain relief?

I think you're being incredibly unreasonable. Surely it's infinitely preferable that your daughter occasionally employs the relatively harmless word 'butt' than point at some homosexuals in public and loudly state 'MEN HOLDING HANDS SHOULD BE STRUNG UP AND STABBED'. It's all a matter of context.

BEVIS said...
Exsqueeze me, but when exactly do you plan to finish answering the questions asked of you in Friday Q+A # 92??

And do you detest people who use the faux term 'exsqueeze me'?

Also, Ben, I asked you a question in Friday Q+A # 92, and I have others for you as well. But I refuse to ask them until you answer my first one (in case you're not interested in doing so ... I don't wanna ask a bunch of questions of you if you're not keen on chatting with me 1-on-1. And no, I don't mean that in a yucky way).

Yes, q and a really is getting a little out of hand - I do apologise to anyone who has had a question disappear into the murky swamps of the interwebs. Me and my team of trained Microsoft Word monkeys are doing our best.


p.s. No problems with 'exsqueeze me' so long as it is used sparingly.

Rustique said...
Does anyone else want to get squelchy with Nicola Roxon?

I'm more a Plibersek gal myself, but let's not argue. Each to their own and all that.


Also: if Nicola Roxon doesn't flog a certain Primal Scream song to death during the next election campaign she doesn't deserve such a sweet surname.

Big Matt Stud said...
Rustique, Nicola Roxon - no, but there are two young hotties that I've noticed the ALP have not-so-subtly positioned right behind Kevin and co in the front bench during question time. I have no idea what their names are, but I'd definitely tap* either of those.

*Apparently this is what young people say now, and I am definitely down with young people.

Oh! I'm down with young people too. That's why I used the term 'electro' earlier in the post. I do hope you noted it in your Countdown diaries.

Big Matt Stud said...
Hey, 800 and some entries and still counting on the latest confession booth, including a budding romance no less, is this some kind of record ? Granted, that probably only comes out to 200 actual confessions, seeing that every real confession came with one comment on it from BeKazzled and then two comments from people telling BeKazzled not to comment on every confession, but still....

My question, such as it is, concerns what struck me as a trend in the confessions with entries of the form ".... and I'm a girl".

Why is that being a girl makes a confession about farting/masturbating/perving etc especially dire ? Is it more acceptable for men to do these things, or is it just that women feel more ashamed of them ?

Yes, I noticed that too...I can't say I understand why. I confessed a couple of things myself and didn't feel any need to preamble with apologies on behalf of the fairer sex. Perhaps it's harder for women to own up to the seamier side projects as there's a general perception that they're too busy doing needlepoint and listening to Destiny's Child to bother going down that path. Mystifying, really.

pauly said...
Bob Ellis is blogging? There's comments and all! You've become Bob Ellis, or rather, Bob Ellis has become you. Practically.

How does this make you feel?

Immeasurably happy. Someone cast him in bronze immediately.

thalea said...
dearest,
I had a positively devastating dream and I don't know what it means or what I should do about it. And I'm asking you because I think you can relate. See my dream was about Jared Followill who is to me what Fab is to you...dig?
so in a nutshell, Jared came to this family lunch thing and we had a fantastic day talking, laughing, riding round in wheelbarrows, it all went on a bit and it was marvellous (but we never quite got to making out. sigh) but thennnnn I went to the toilet and when I came back he was sitting at the table arm round this other girl, his GIRLFRIEND, ugh it was horrible! I could feel my heart shattering to a million thousand pieces and when I woke up I felt the same and I still feel oh so depressed and this was nearly a week ago......(she wasn't even a beautiful specimen herself. A bit frumpy-like.)
yours broken-heartedly xo

That's an absolutely awful scenario, thalea. I have a thousand celebrity dreams where A-listers profess their undying love for me and solemnly vow to take me to Chile for tango lessons, but that says more about the exotically unhinged state of my psyche than anything else. I realise these dreams tend to linger and permeate your subconscious with throbs of rejection, though do please try not to let it harm your love for Jared Followill. At the very least, consider that when you marry Jared and I marry Matthew we will be related via the Kings of Leon and all will be well with the world. We may even have some kind of barn dance to celebrate. Don't quote me on that though; they're busy gentlemen.



****************




Right you are, then. Soup stirring beckons, as does further long weekendery hijinks. Leave your questions for next time in the comments below but don't expect them to be answered until my 70th birthday as I've still got all the others from the old part B to do. Still, it pays to be relatively optimistic so don't hesitate to fly it up the flagpole and cook some chicken or whatever the saying is.



In the interim - a toast to sadly faraway friends, birthday celebratings, and the blessed embrace of Autumn. Take care.

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