GUEST POSTER #1 - FLUFFY
(RYWHM says: FluffyAsACat is not only smarter than you, she can paint like nobody’s business and has a rack that won’t quit. She is an official Melbourne Foodie and you need to pay her attention now please.)cess-whirlpool: the grubby science of spa sex
A few years ago, when the newly terrorised world made overseas holidays seem fraught and bothersome, Charles and I took a 10 day break in sunny Queensland.
As far as package holidays go it was somewhere mid way between basic and luxury: a resort town, a studio room with kitchenette, shonky Robinson Crusoe inspired bar by the pool, the sulphur-crested cockatoos landing on the balcony railing: all made for a good on ya dinky di Aussie getaway.
The hotel was terraced on a steep hillside so all the rooms had a view. The balconies overlooked the Whitsunday passage, but if you could wrest your gaze from the azure blue reef you were treated to a birdseye view of the hotel spa. Our room was only one level up so we had audio as well as visual, and in ten days I saw enough nocturnal spa sex to ensure I was never to set foot in a public spa again.
But the real problem is that those spa-sexers weren't the only thing reproducing in the tub. The warmth of the water, the fact that often spa water isn't changed regularly or subjected to any serious decontamination, that some water will sit stagnating in the jets until the spa is turned on again, and the jets themselves actually produce a handy breathable aerosol version of anything which couldn't infect you via direct immersion means that spas can create a dangerous bacteria rich environment.
"Well I've entertained in spas plenty and I've never gotten sick" said a disembodied anonymous dissenting voice.
Good for you! I like to spa too. The way it opens my pores to let in all the microbes is so invigorating.
Here's some locations I would not choose to jacuz:
- resort
- gym
- cruise ship
- public bath house
- public swimming pool
- singles bar
- anywhere with backpackers
- anywhere with football players
Bubble bubble, toil and trouble! It would seem that semen is about the last thing to be a'fearing when it comes to things-other-than-water in the spa.
I have fecal matter in my hair! HAHAHAHAHA!
I'll bet Ms Fits will be glad that she didn't read this post before she left for her holidays.
Comments
on behalf of the original spa party posse: impetigo, shmimpetigo!
*books blood test*
I have one more addition to the list of places I would not choose to jacuz ... Big Brother house!
Mmm, septicemia! Stiffy goodness!
Gangreen.
A friend dropped by a porta-spa party in the morning to assess the damage and found me unconscious with an arm hooked over the side for "safety".
I couldn't feel my arm for days.
Sworn to the buddy system ever since.
Er, can I please draw everyone's attention to the scary looking woman wearing a crucifix - back and centre in the photo - with her arm draped around the poor, toxicity-shocked lass with her breasts out? I think that might be reason enough not to enter any bubbling public waters.
(*shivers*)
You forgot to mentions 'floaties'!
And that was a quick post Fluffy, you didn't even wait for the body to go cold!
Last time I went to a spa party all you could see for ages was this big white arse rising out of the steam as one woman handed out milkshakes to the various chaps in there, aka the motley crue diaries...
Welcome to our "ool." Notice there is no "P" in it. Please keep it that way. Anything else is cool.
Sweet Baby Jesus! It's like if a petri dish inside an infected puss spore.
We have this place in LA called Splash where you can rent out an indoor private jacuzzi. I have always wondered what the hell the place looks like and who the hell goes there. I will continue to wonder for years to come. No pun intended. But as long as it's already there...
Hot tub lung? I've heard of tennis elbow, housemaid's knee, and weaver's bottom (wah-hey!), but hot tub lung is new, and disturbing-sounding. I can't believe they named a special lung disorder after a spa. Freaksome.
Judging from the photo, you could do worse than the diseases. Guys could could end up ugly and with a beard, while girls end up ugly and wearing a one-piece cossie! I won't mention the freak that hot tubs it in a t-shirt!
Um, Freelancer, ... That chick with the crucifix and her arm around the chick with her breasts out?
I think they're both dudes ...
*shivers more*
BEVIS
and to think I found that photo by searhing "hot tub fuck" in google images.
ps. the ghostly black tshirt with giant crucifix person is either on a mission for christ or is a bit of a goth. The former is both more creepy and more likely.
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Wow - that pic was from the Playboy Mansion spa party at my place in 2001! (Not really).
Tip to man in black w/- crucifix in photo (and to the readers) - Wearing dark colours in a rented spa leads to bleaching of clothes - not to mention spa water that looks like dishwater x 10 the next morning. Not good with a hangover and the fumes of an E!
The rent-a-spa people told us that you shouldn't have sex in the rent-a-spa either because all the chemicals can cause nasty infections in the ladies' rude bits...
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