Reasons you will hate me

GUEST POSTER #3 - JESSCULTURE

(RYWHM says: I have been obsessed with Jessculture since I stumbled over her pop-culture obsessed website and fell for her pithy turn of phrase. She is a gem. Also she likes drinking and has a throaty laugh which makes me want to crack wise. Drink her in, pricks.)

Hillary Clinton: Too Lez To Be Prez

There are many, many signs one can look for when trying to decide if someone is going to make a decent leader of a nation. Here are some negative traits to keep an eye out for -

* A TENDENCY TO LIE!
* LACK OF COMPASSION!
* UNABLE TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILTY FOR ACTIONS!
* GENERAL FUCKWIT VIBE!

Yeah, you really would be absolutely gutted if someone with those qualities happened to be in your country's top job. (You see what I did there didn't you, filthy latte lefties? Nudge nudge, wink wink, pass the dutchie round the left hand side, etc)

But do you want to know what's worse than all of those qualities combined? Something that makes a person COMPLETELY UNSUITABLE to lead a country? I got two words for you - Big and Lez.

Therefore, you can imagine how thoroughly pleased I was to see that someone has finally - finally - put forward a brilliant and hard-hitting case against the US Democrats poster girl Ms Hillary Rodham-Clinton.

For those of you don't know, Hillary - being the feminist bra-burning harpy that she is - just wasn't content with being the wife of an ex-president. During Bill's reign in Washington, she reluctantly let her Presidential hubby go about his important business (i.e. ensuring the longest economic expansion in American history, reducing crime rates, lowering unemployment, foisting peace treaties on squabbling nations*, introducing interns to the joys of a fresh Cuban cigar) but you could tell that during the entire eight years he was in office, she was chomping at the bit, a ferocious desire for power and the emasculation of menfolk constantly driving her forward toward a greater goal.

Ever since her husband's time at the top ended, Hillary has spent every waking hour ruthlessly trying to forge out a political career of her own. Has she no shame?

Be grateful for folks like Ed Klein then. He has managed to look past her grinning liberal facade and seen the power mad slattern within. He's just released a book called The Truth About Hillary, and the dude (thankfully) ain't holding back.

"She's a wife, but she shows no wifely instincts. She's a mother, but she isn't maternal."

Read between the lines, kids. She's diving with more regularity than an Italian soccer player during a World Cup.

"She said she was passionately in love with her husband, but many of her closest friends and aides were lesbians."

And I think we're all aware that shit is both bananas and contagious.

But where and when did all this bean-flicking desire begin?

Klein says her years at Wellesley College, which has a "long tradition of lesbianism", left an indelible imprint on her personality. He recounts the 25th reunion of her class at the White House in 1994, saying she talked for an hour to Nancy Wanderer, a lesbian law professor.

I should mention that I'm quite partial to any sort of educational facility which can brag it has a "long tradition of lesbianism" - it's the sort of thing I think should feature in school brochures. That said, attending such a facility and reaching the upper echelons of American politics? Not cool.

"Hillary reached out and ran the palm of her hand over Nancy's butch cut. 'Maybe,' said Hillary, 'I'll get a haircut like this and really shock everyone'."

She couldn't just leave it at lesbian chit chat, could she? She just had to run her fingers through her lady friend's "butch cut". And could she be any flirtier with Nancy? You can almost visualise her gently circling the shaved nape of Nancy's neck with her thumb as she whispers her saucy, provocative and thoroughly gay pick up line.

Still not sure whether to believe Ed Klein? Fool. A quick pictorial exploration of Hillary's life soon confirms he speaks the truth.



Don't think canoodling for the camera with your ruddy-cheeked hubby will distract us from noticing the lesbionic glint in your eye, woman.



An enraged Hillary later clubbed the photographer who snapped this pic to death with her loofah brush. His crime? Having a penis. You can bet if it had been Annie Leibowitz, Hillary would have been all "Oooh, I appear to have dropped my towel, now we've both flashed HAHAHA - goodness me, let me bend over and pick it up right away - can you hold my breasts?"



"I want YOU - to provide me with pleasurable woman-on-woman oral gratification . Also, please marvel at my amazing butch haircut (thanks, Nance)."

According to the smh.com.au article, "Opinion polls have Senator Clinton with a clear lead over Democratic rivals for the 2008 presidential nomination."

There is no way anyone is ever going to vote for a lesbian-university attending, butch-haircut appreciating, unmotherly harridan, and for that I am eternally grateful. WAY TO GO, ED KLEIN! KEEP AMERICAN POLITICS FREE OF SUSPECTED DYKES! JEB BUSH - ALL THE WAY 2008!

*I totally looked this stuff up in the name of "research" - thanks, Big Book Of Leftist (Non-Fiction) Bed Time Stories!

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