More weird conversations at the beautician.
Overheard, yesterday:
Beautician: So I didn't realise you were going out with Helen.
Strange man: Yeah.
Beautician: I mean, I had no idea until I looked out the window yesterday and there you were, pashing. Amazing.
Strange man: Yeah, she's a beautiful girl. Very beautiful.
Beautician: She's gorgeous.
Strange man: We're going to that party together on Saturday.
Beautician: I know, I saw that leopard-print corset she wants to wear.
Strange man: She's going to look hot.
Beautician: You're going to need a leash on her to keep all the men away, hahaha!
Strange man: Actually, I'll have my own leash. She's going to be leading me around on it. By the throat.
Beautician: .....
Strange man: So if she's not happy with me, she can just...give it a tug. And keep me in line.
*awkward pause*
Beautician: .....okay. Wow.
Me: (emerging from booth) Er...can I pay?
Beautician: Oh sure, yes. This is my landlord, by the way.
Me: Hello.
Strange man: Mmmm.
*Strange man exits*
Me: That was a bit weird.
Beautician: Do you know what's even weirder? He's gay. He lives upstairs with his partner of ten years. Then the other morning I look outside and he's making out with some girl.
Me: And now she's leading him around by the throat at parties.
Beautician: I should really move the business to another area.
Comments
PLOP! PLOPPLOPPLOP! (splutter, FAAARtttt, splut.....) PLOP!!!
(roll, tear, wipe. roll, tear, wipe. roll, tear, wipe. roll, tear, wipe. roll, tear, wipe. roll, tear, wipe. roll, tear, wipe. roll, tear, wipe. roll, tear, wipe. roll, tear, wipe. roll, tear, wipe. roll, tear, wipe. roll, tear, wipe. roll, tear, wipe. roll, tear, wipe. roll, tear, wipe. roll, tear, wipe. roll, tear, wipe. roll, tear, wipe. roll, tear, wipe. roll, tear, wipe. roll, tear, wipe. roll, tear, wipe. roll, tear, wipe. roll, tear, wipe. roll, tear, wipe. roll, tear, wipe. roll, tear, wipe. roll, tear, wipe...... )
FLUSSSSSSSHH! (gurgle)
click KLUNK!
coff! HOOIOCK!
padpad padpad padpad padpad padpad padpad padpad padpad..... YAAAWWWWN!!
etc, etc.
Now before I get castigated for suggesting that a man in a relationship with another man cannot do hot street nooky with a woman, I ask you this: is there a woman alive (except Eartha Kitt) who would be happy to wear a leopard-print corset in public?
And I think Shania Twain did a lot for bring Leopard print back.
I saw a woman at a funeral in a leopard print dress last week.
Perhaps he hired her for the party, because he's been a bad boy
/Sounds just duckie to me.
'We'll go with masturbating primates today, richwell. Anonymous 3 through 8 will be working on the grandparents, anyone want to tackle the final 'Neighbours' episodes?..... '
Like that, sort of.
I see nothing wrong with the conversation...
"A troll is someone who posts controversial and usually irrelevant or off-topic messages in an online community, such as an online discussion forum or chat room, with the intention of baiting other users into an emotional response or to generally disrupt normal on-topic discussion."
/We are commenting on the delights of living in Surry Hills and the interesting characters we might meet there.
//Try to stay on topic
Leopard-skin corset worn, though not in public, by N. Bassingthwaite in the Watching You video clip.
(Not sure whether that passes the sanity-check you espouse, though I know I'm mad to mention it.)
Solid colours in layered fabrics from natural fibres for the win?
/hippie. much.
A comedy drama in six, hour long episodes, the show pivots on the travails of a group of blond, privately educated architects and law students who have been kicked out of their inner Melbourne warehouse/studio/faux New York loft by an evil property developer.
Despondently driving the Great Ocean Road in a convoy of 1970's Australian made station-wagons (the production was sponsored by the RACV), the protagonists stumble upon a charming yet unsophisticated token ethnic who does not know how to use toilet paper.
In gratitude for their civilizing of him in a poignant and whimsical way, the TE leads them into an idyllic, underdeveloped seaside town full of marvelously off-beat and eccentric drunks.
There, they take over the town's disused '50's era public lavatory building which they convert into a trendy cafe serving eggs benedict and baked beans on toast.
The denouement of the evil property developer in a vicious and brutal reversion-to-type by the TE brings the series to a dramatic finale, but leaving scope for more quirky and madcap antics!
I think the last party I went to (that wasn't for weddings or babies) consisted of a tipsy friend going through and listing the names and parentage of all her deceased past pets.
(I hope along with the leash she was taking a whip. Gotta love the whip...Except of course when it gets lost by a pirate wench in a haze of alcohol...)
Marmalade wrote 'Am I the only one thinking that 'Helen' might have once been an 'Alan' or a, God help us, 'Bevan'?'
Anyway - I think I am just trying to distance myself from the ghastliness of the whole scenario - leopard print, daytime public pashing, leashes (and frankly the whole beautician bit too). I mean, just what was misfits doing in that booth?
"but I have to ask the question why do you think a gay man would be more interested in a transexual than a str8y?. "
Once you fall in the sewer it don't matter what color the shit is, boy.
"I saw a woman at a funeral in a leopard print dress last week."
One can only hope it was the corpse.
I met that duck at a party. I swear it's true! There I was chatting with Todd McKenney, sharing a drink and this leather duck points at me from across a crowded room, and before I know it, WE'RE BACK AT MY HOUSE DOING IT! I lost Todd that night though...
I think you were trying to be clever and, perhaps, witty but I am fairly sure you failed on both counts. However, I would like to offer you the Ricky May Enocuragement Award as a consolation prize...
Keep trying!
(Thanks Marxstubatory.)
I enjoy watching Carson Cressley (sp?) on telly and I've never had gay sex.
"Like, he goes: “Hu-huuuuhhhhhh!” And pulls it out."
In the words of James Joyce:
"Well! ... That takes the biscuit! That takes the solitary, unique, and, if I may so call it, recherché biscuit."
- a line much better than anything said on Neighbours.
Y'all ever done it with a hawg, Mister?
Is is just me, or does Reverend Billy-Bob Clock come across as sharing a similar outlook as the Rev Fred 'God hates fags' Phelps?
I think you got the better end of the deal.
What does 'men who look like women' mean? Like the Hanson creature?
Check out the hairy, chubby, gay teddy bears.
/not flaming
And he is a disbarred lawyer. How mad do you have to be for that to happen?
Hmmm...as I was writing that first comment I knew it was becoming like a snake with a head on both ends and no matter where I grabbed it, it was going to spin around and bite me. Crikey!
You are, of course, correct (although I prefer a more pansexual approach, as "strange man" also apparently does). But I thought all Sydney women were born with enough instinctive sartorial nous to run screaming from leopard-print anything, which doesn't leave many options for the lovely Helen.
Don't think I'm not pointing the finger at myself here. I've got a purple Pervert faux-tracksuit top, bought while I was running at about a Kinsey 4, that I refuse to ditch despite the horrified protests of subsequent girlfriends.
This guy was a goat farmer, barrister and married.
Alan? Bevan? Helen? Just a happy mix.
oh, what's the point?
well as you put have phrased it like that: eg 'what 'woman' in her right mind would wear leopard print....' I should think you have partially-decapitated that snake.
All good. :)
/Cannot stand it, must turn up music. LaLaLaLaLaLaLaLa
Thought you were looking a bit down, so I brought you some implants.
(*)(*)
/Better?
/just wondering...
It's never going to happen, lad. You can post pictures until your arsehole seals itself shut, but It. Just. Won't. Happen.
Not.Funny.Richwell
Sorry...but it's true
i vote SLAM THAT FUCKER DOWN.
please lad, give it a break
Now that's what I call SM!
maybe you should move your business to another area.
richwell said...
can we post images please?
The Last Scientician said...
As I probably (possibly?) have some already outstanding questions, I won't ask any further until you have a chance to catch up on the backlog. But I will say to richwell, you already can post pictures, you just have to know how, my friend.
Not funny as in incredibly witty.
Funny as in incredibly lame.
Anyway
That beautician brought that awkward conversation on herself.
Good entertainment though :)
/Contribution. I am waiting on yours.
Unfit Chick- Hey did you go to the North Australia bodybuilding on the weekend?
Triathelete Chick - God yeah, wadabout the girls? I mean Staceys Tits are huge.
Unfit Chick - I heard they cost 9 and a half grand!
Triathelete Chick - Fuck Me , 9 and a half grand for a set of Tits?
You could go to Europe and have a really goood time on that.
Unfit Chick - True!
Triathelete Chick - Iwonder if she lets her boy friend touch them?
Unfit chick - Dunno!
I was thinking of getting a big carton of undies from the two dollar shop and putting the stencil on them and selling them from a table on the footpath in front of my house.
Would that make me a fashion designer like you, Ms Fits? Can I send you a pair as a present?
Love, Polly.
Help me regain my senility ... oops sanity!
TGIF. 8-)
She's deep in negotiations with Dennis Walter and Denise Drysdale over a supporting role in their bayside suburbs RSL shows.
It's early days yet, but she might, just might, be getting a trial on the door at Moorabbin sometime in the spring!
However, I do object to the insinuation that I am a "loser".
He/she who quoteth Dennis Walter, Denise Drysdale and RSL in the same sentence betteth not live in house made of glass.
C'mon it's Friday, and what's the harm in wanting a little more Ms Fits before the weekend!
"The stencil looks like Kevin Rudd's head..."
You can get a similar effect by inflating a rubber glove and drawing some 'glasses' on it.
õ¿õ ... or maybe ... ò¿ó
Sorry, ascii art's not my forté
Closer
O< O--)\\
__ /
_
Are you trying to put glasses on The Sphinx?
(Places neck on the chopping block .... )
*stabs next person who does it*
Mind you I also loath the way people WRITE THINGS IN CAPITALS WITH NO PUNCTUATION AT THE END
So I'm a hypocrit really
it's the lunchtime champagne.
"OH WOE" SHE EXCLAIMED
Anonymous said...
"Before John Howard formed government we were on the edge of an economic cliff."
It worries me when people start saying things like that. In fact, I bet social psychologists have some sort of fancy term for it - "deficit expectation reality adjustment" or "negative outcome cognitive denial" or something.
It's like, they know Swann and Rudd are going to fuck up the economy, and that another stunt like the Twenty-Twenty conference or saying "Sorry" to people on dole queues or getting their houses sold out from under them or whatever is not going to be enough.
So, they start adjusting their expectations and rationalising what they expect to be disappointing results just down the track.
The fact is, Australia's economy wasn't on the edge of a cliff when Howard left office.
"THE incomes of the nation's poorest households rose more dramatically than those of the richest Australians in the final years of the Howard government, buoyed by rising wages and bulging welfare payments."
That's according to labour economist Mark Wooden, in a report drawing on the Federal Government's Household, Income and Labour Dynamics in Australia survey, a longitudinal study of 14,000 people nationwide.
Australia's economy is booming, and has potential for years and years of growth in it.
This from Commonwealth Bank of Australia senior economist John Peters in February this year:
"The domestic economy continues to run along at a very solid pace.''
At the same time, ICAP senior economist Matthew Johnson said Reserve Bank statements implied further rate hikes were in the pipeline.
"I think the RBA has left the gate open for March.''
"Even though they cite slower growth they also say it's not really going to affect us because we're going to have another leg up in our terms of trade."
That isn't an economy on the edge of a cliff. That's an economy in the middle of a prolonged, systemic boom fed by strong international demand.
Really, it freaks me a bit when people make excuses for Rudd and Swann and Co this early into the process.
It's like they already know failure is looming again.
"Does anyone else find commenters who describe how they are feeling in between brackets in the 3rd person annoying or is it just me?"
I'll say.
(Picks up rubber duck, trowel and length of plastic garden hose before hanging 'Do Not Disturb' sign on handle of bedroom door and switching off light)
But what's the point of arguing anyway? Let's all have a satanic blood orgy instead.
WORD NEGROES!!!
WORD TO YOUR MOTHER!!!
I'M A WARIO I'M A GONNA WIN!!!
(Glances into the depths of his inner being and remembers Glenda Schikelblum in Year 7 and how one was forced to console one's elf with pink icing finger buns and fizzy sherberts from the tuck shop. And self abuse).
I don't personally recall the House of Lords's attempt to topple Asquith and stifle David Lloyd George's 1910 "People's Budget", but I'm sure it was a ghastly business and that the Tory blighters got their come-uppance.
Did they have Alcopops then?
"THE incomes of the nation's poorest households rose more dramatically than those of the richest Australians in the final years of the Howard government, buoyed by rising wages and bulging welfare payments."
Which the liberal party was and is actually you know, ideologically oposed to.
Just because an economy is booming doesn't mean the majority of society is benefiting.
One of the major reasons labor won office was the apparently false suggestion they would or could increase wages by aiming their campaign at the 'working family'.
But they did at least they followed through on removing IR reforms that provided the opportunity for employers to actually pay less to their employees.
I see no evidence for the suggestion that there will be a sudden economic downturn, just because interest rates are rising.
Care to provide a legitimate reason for this prophecy of doom?
"I was in fact referring to Marxubatorys post of 15:47 by the ay."
Ay, be sure, amn't I never done prophesie doom, m'lad on account of it being akin t'sorcery 'n the like. It t'weren't me an' you can'ny prove it.
(Dims lights and switches on Artur Schnabel's recording of Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata while slowly untying cord of pasiley dressing gown...)
(Rolls eyes in mock disdain while pushing pet goat through aperture of mechanised wood chipper)
Hello?
Uh-huuuuuhhhhhhh!
There will be an increase in unemployment and thus a reduction in economic growth to within the range of 3.0% to 3.5%.
Of course this will adversely affect the poorest and less educated members of our society.
I expect the welfare bill to increase but without the sanctimonious and odious blame game played by the previous government.
God, that didn't even make much sense did it?
(no slashies) punctuation nazi, me.
you should do joint broadcasts like that more often so i wouldn't feel torn between being edumacated and entertained.
(no slashies) just one OK?
But that post made me inexplicably and gloriously happy.
Thank you, Ms Fits.
"Of course this will adversely affect the poorest and less educated members of our society."
Short of them shifting their political allegiance to the Socialist Alternative or Family First, I'd say Tintin has nothing to worry about there.
Andy Pants said...
"One of the major reasons labor won office was the apparently false suggestion they would or could increase wages by aiming their campaign at the 'working family'."
The egregious "Shotgun" Mike Carlton today in the Herald equates "the working family" in Ruddland with the "peasant and workers" under Mao Tse Tung (Mao Zedung).
Which is odd, really, because I'd independently begun to imagine "wealthier Australians like me" in Ruddland as being a bit like "rich peasants" in China during the cultural revolution.
Which goes to show that pompous psuedos do often think alike.
How far we have come!
Thinking of changing your name to Mikestubatory?
Groucho was heaps funnier!
but for chrissake richwell:
SHUT YOUR HOLE.
honestly, you should try making your own blog that is as prolific as the comments you write on this one.
that would mean around 2700 posts a day, and all of them shit.
however, at least the people reading your 'thoughts' (not entirely sure that is the correct noun for the shit you espouse) would actually WANT TO.
fyi:
SHITTY PICTURES DO NOT ENHANCE A SHITTY POST.
fyi, tb (and all the other psydonyms you have been using lately) I make websites and blogs for other people for a living.
I can understand you don't like my politics or sense of humour.
So I have been collecting your abusive posts and I am building you a site. Not sure what to call it yet.
Any ideas?
How about 'Trollwit'?
"The part that amazed me was Rudd and Swan personally rang a real voter in a marginal seat to ask him what he thought of the budget."
Well, geez. I mean, the science of public relations has obviously advanced since the days of Menzies and Fraser. By the looks of it.
I wonder what they call such a thing? You know? Orchestrating such an opportunity? For a picture? Or sound bite?
Is there a special term for it? I wonder?
We have all become accustomed to the spin the last crop of leaders put on their wedge politics. After the embarrassment of the AWB, kids overboard lies and Work non Choices we have developed a deep suspicion of all politicians' actions. Fair enough.
I am giving this lot some time yet.
I was also impressed the voter in question knew who J.K.Galbraith was.
"I was also impressed the voter in question knew who J.K.Galbraith was."
I once met Professor Galbraith. That was an awesome moment in my life. I was very into economics at one point during my school days. And I met Galbraith. It was like being an altar boy and meeting St Gerome or something.
He chatted for a moment or two about the complexity of centralised command economies and why the fall of the USSR had been inevitable. I asked about Gorbachev. And Galbraith had met with him both before and after the USSR, and said they often discussed such things "of course".
I also once met Hayley Mills, but it wasn't quite such a momentous thing.
I wish to fuck more names like "John Kenneth Galbraith" wantd to be friends on Facebook instead of apprebtice hairdressers from Port Adelaide (not that they're not important, but let's face facts).
Meeting JKG must have been awesome.
Alas, I have only read a lot of economists.
Lots of illuminating sites and blogs from some contemporary researchers and theorists tho.
Veblen is interesting on leisure and consumerism.
John Quiggin is doing some good work on the economics of the environment.
Dick Bryant at Sydney Uni was way ahead of the curve when warning of the potential problems from derivatives.
Joe Stiglitz always gives good macro views from the US.
Prospect Theory is my current favourite. I am interested in the common areas between orthodox economics, political economics and expectations of risk.
/Tinfoil hats. We haz 'em.
Mmmm.
Seems like she got so much jammed inside her he could not get it out and they had to make a dash to St Vincents, where he was a resident doctor, to use the instruments.
He worked in casualty.
Embarrassed? Much.
Comments are closed.