Pin the ignorance on the Young Liberal!
Oh go on, do. Can you pick which charismatic Young Liberal was responsible for the following quotes?
1.
James Stevens, dashing president of the NSW Young Liberals!
2. Mark Powell, ex-Queensland Young Liberals president!
3.
Hotness Federal Finance Minister, Nick 'calm yourselves, ladies' Minchin!*
4. Tony Tasconi, passionate YL member from WA!
5.
Federal president of the Young Liberals, Alex Hawke! ALL MAN!!
a) 'The forests could be bulldozed and replaced with concrete for all I care.'
b) re: The Howard Government's tsunami relief effort: 'If anyone thinks we're not generous, this blows that out of the water'.
c) 'Art students on Austudy or Abstudy are blatant frauds because they could go get jobs and complete their studies. They're just coasting off taxpayer's funds, rubbing people's faces in it.'
d) 'There is no stolen generation. I think Keith Windschuttle has got it exactly right.'
e) On hearing a male Young Lib bemoan the fact that the only speakers addressing the abortion issue are men: 'What crap! Is he gay?'
f) On tax concessions for gym membership: 'This is a big fat waste of money! I've seen obese people turn up and do their five minutes, then I don't see them for a few years!...The chronically overweight should be given a tax rebate to Jenny Craig!'
g) on Malcolm Fraser: 'Let's get him into the Greens where he belongs.'
h) 'To be honest with you I was probably a stereotypical private school boy.'
i) re: the annihilation of the Tasmanian Aborigines: 'There has been this deliberate attempt to rewrite history. To say we came here and raped and pillaged and murdered - and they do, they carry on awfully about it - is quite appalling.'
j) 'The two greatest forces for good in human history are capitalism and Christianity, and when they're blended it's a very powerful duo.'
*officially not a Young Liberal. But this quote is taken from the YL's conference. And I don't doubt that he's young at heart.
Thank you to Chloe Hooper's brilliant article 'Young Libs in the Chocolate Factory', taken from the latest issue of The Monthly. Notably her description of the Young Liberals as follows:
'They are not particularly charismatic, nor do they possess obviously powerful intellects. Nonetheless a palpable self-importance has attached itself to the main players and their hangers-on. You wonder how interesting some of these people's lives would be if it weren't for all this.'
847 days til the next election.
Comments
please stop picking on my friends, ms fits. thank you.
*rapes and pillages in the name of christian capitalism*
I'm getting a bit sick of the way you are constantly harping on about how evil the conservatives are - and you are, you carry on awfully about it - is quite appalling.
(I love how straight from an Enid Blyton boarding school-set book "you carry on awfully about it" is. Like they're sick of hearing a fellow pupil whinge about a lacrosse injury.)
Yes, but you have yet to play the game properly.
*sulks*
*writes letter home to mother*
*raids tuck box*
Close enough. I'm reading between the lines and it's TOTALLY gangbang.
*scampers off*
'To be honest with you I was probably a stereotypical private school boy.'
Yep, good use of tense, you have really broken out of that mould, you ultra-conservative cunt.
That article was brilliant, and so was the ADFA one. The review of Big Brother was so acidic it was great.
Tuck box? SCREAM! I loved the idea of a tuck box as a child! Full of molasses! (what is\are\was molasses?)
If only we had a saucy, naughty French exchange student called Claudine and a spotty, pasty-faced non-lacrosse playing kleptomaniac named Kathleen (who inevitably will be revealed to have a heart of gold once the dastardedly "spots" clear up), this comment thread would be complete.
... with lashings of ginger beer
MENAGE!!!
(you can call me claudine if you want, jess. i'm 1/3 french after all).
Well, Nads - you know my motto - if it ends with an 'ine', it's good enough for me!
So, Claudine & gang... I was thinking of organising a midnight feast in the common room. Dirty, you bring the ginger beer, I'll bring the molasses and candles, Claudine - you turn the clocks back in the third form classroom for no particular reason, and Fits - you lock the undesirable pasty klepto in the sports equipment locker, grab the obligatory freckle covered naughty (but popular!) girl-nicknamed-after-a-boy character (George, Bobby, etc) then join us down the hall. Jolly good, sports!
Uhmm - I think we are failing to discuss the real issues here today.
The state of origin is on.
People please?!
LONG LIVE THE KING!!!!
*Holds Wally Lewis for President placard*
Then there was Alex Hawke's other great contribution, 'Abortion is going to be back - bigger and better!'
Charming.
oh, don't you wanna just tickle him under the chin?
Yes, with a chainsaw.
Yes ms fits, the young liberals are about as competent as you and about as successfull as your latest tv show disaster. THey too rate about 27 in my book!
Sharny - Go and write a autobiography on your life. I.E - TV shows I have rated.
meh. back to the midnight feast. I have a pound cake wrapped in crinkly greaseproof paper sent by my aunty windred in case of mrs sussex runnng out of eggs.
do you think if i hit my head again things will go back to normal?
You are forgetting the most eye-opening article in the entire magazine, "Chilli Boo in Biker Boots".
Anyone for a pop biscuit? Or perhaps a google bun? Silky made them, herself.
yes Chilli Boo was the best article...for the kids names alone...perhaps we could use their names for your Enid Blyton-esque story? I am not sure if I love that family or hate them...
Sharny sounds like she's pushing for preselection.
Go feed your inner child you jealous wanker.
This post has been removed by a blog administrator.
I apologise on behalf of youth today for these sanctimonious cunts.
If you want, I'll let you train me as an assassin, and then enrol me in a private school under the alias of Anna-Bethica Augustus Stereotypicalprivateschool Pompfooker. (Pronounced foukay)
I dont really know what I want to do at uni next year. May as well make the most of the my underageness. Thoughts?
*too old to join in Blytonesque frivolity without feeling like a bit of a pervy old Gymnasium master*
Keeping it simple: Every single one of them has thought or said, privately or in public, every single one of those quotes.
I love these guys...they makes Alan B'Stard look positively saintly. They also remind me of the Loadsamoney character by Harry Enfield - 'Oi you Gypos!! Shut yor moufs and look at my wad. Loadsamoney'
Ms Fits.. up for a game of doctor behind the shelter sheds?
"The two greatest forces for good in human history are capitalism and Christianity, and when they're blended it's a very powerful duo."
Alex Hawke.
Alex Hawke's dick and his vigorous fist.
This is a hard game...
I reckon if they haven't said all of those things, then at some point they have thought them.
So you could basically link every person* on your list with every quote and still be technically correct.
(*term used under advice).
P.S. Will you be providing answers in a future post?
Look you guys, I have been around and around the blogosphere and the most frequent thing I read is :
"buck Fudd: this post has been removed." for crying out loud, leaVE THEM IN.
Close your eyes if you don't want the answers.
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a: Mark Powell
b: James Stevens
c: Alex Hawke
d: Alex Hawke
e: Nick Minchin
f: Tony Tasconi
g: Alex Hawke
h: James Stevens
i: Alex Hawke
j: Alex Hawke
Go to the top of the class, young man.
What? Ms Fits, no spanking for being top of the class.
Brownie: I hav eto go back and reivse them. I'm a perfectionist, within limits. If Ilve removed a psot the next one on the same thread is an improved version. Usually.
This article is absolutely terrifying, we have to stop them before it's too late and they become PM...it's bad enough we have Howard 'running' the country but having these fuckers getting power is horrifying...great article though, how about the YL who is scared of his sister getting 'brainwashed' by the Greens into being compassionate for the refugees? "It's not that we're not compassionate to refugees, it's just that we believe in strong border protection" "From people we don't know, like the Pakis and Afghans"...oh right, sorry, you really are compassionate! It's just people you don't know...and refer to in racist terms! Now I understand, we'll just let in those refugees that you do know. There are so many people clamouring to escape their dreary English surburban nightmares to come live in Australia that we should give preference to them over people whose lives are under threat, that might do something to make us uncomfortable like bringing some new sort of culture over here... we couldn't have that! We just learnt how to pronounce Bolognese, Spanakopita and Por Pia... I would definitely call that compassion, wouldn't you?
Wow, what a find for cultural anthropologists this board is: it's where the only eight readers of The Monthly and the only eight viewers of Last Man Standing hang out!
And amazingly, they're the same eight people!
Well, I'm not.
Christianity and Capitalism: "With our powers combined...President Bush, he's our hero..."
That would be so much funnier if I could remember the rest of the lyrics and hysterically adapt them instead of this crude parody. Oh well.
*sneaks in late for class, just happy it's multi-choice*
Shaba-dabba-dooboo! said...
"Wow, what a find for cultural anthropologists this board is: it's where the only eight readers of The Monthly and the only eight viewers of Last Man Standing hang out!
And amazingly, they're the same eight people!
5:48 PM "
Hahahahaha.
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