Still got it.
A darling friend of mine has a lovely baby boy who she dotes upon and she told me a very nice story the other day which made me laugh like a drain and I thought I'd share it to give us all a little reprieve from the soul-baring taking place in the confessions post below - wondrous and humbling though it is.
KP: So I was walking him to the pool. And I was wearing my beach muuumuu.
Me: Nice.
KP: And this pimply youth on a canary yellow BMX comes up. He's the kind of guy that you look at and immediately think 'git'.
Me: Sounds like a few ex-boyfriends of mine.
KP: Totally. He sort of looked like a weasel and was drinking a supersized Slurpee.
Me: Maybe it was an ex boyfriend.
KP: Too young. Anyway, as he passes he says to me "I'm gonna lick your pussy, then I'm gonna lick your ass".
Me: What?
KP: "I'm gonna lick your pussy, then I'm gonna lick your ass".
Me: That's completely insane.
KP: I know, I just pissed myself laughing. How sad is that guy's life that he has to porn talk a mumma?
Me: Must've been a hot muumuu.
KP: I love how organised he is. Already got all the moves worked out, ready to roll.
Me: Well, it pays to plan ahead.
KP: And seriously, is this now the type of guy I appeal to? You're not the only one
that's hot with the youth, my friend. I still got it goin' on.
Me: So can I lick your pussy and then your ass?
KP: Only if you ask nicely.
Comments
Good on her for laughing at him.
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Um, if I say anything that starts with the words "young people today ..." am I instantly an old fuddy-duddy?
No, but seriously, do you usually write ass or arse?
I prefer to spell it arse, because ass rhymes with crass.
After that comment, did he still sound like an ex-boyfriend? This may provide a huge amount of evidence as to why you left him and settled on the Ginger Meggs.
Also, take KP up on the offer, she sounds a keeper.
(and sounds hot)
'Fail to plan and you plan to fail.'
Hopefully manners is next on the syllabus.
Because that blue food colouring is a bugger to get off your privates.
Son: (pointing to his penis) I know what this is.
Daughter: What?
S: This is a penis.
D: (pointing to her vagina) You know what this is?
S: No?
D: This is my enchilada.
They no longer have mexican food at their house.
don't ask why.
Who the fuck does that?!
is the song a regurgitator one?
all i remember from it is an "i will lick your ass-hole" refrain.
The kid has taste..
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good one steve. take note everyone else.
Maybe it was some rare kind of blue absinthe in that slurpee container.
I couldn't remember the name of the song, so I just typed the phrase KP said into google. Boy was that a mistake and somewhat intense.
Since I'm feeling a little freaked out, anyone care to help out a dopey reader?
http://images.google.com.au/images?q=muumuu&ie=UTF-8&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1
second reference was to a hawaiian dress that hangs from the shoulders.
A similar misunderstanding occurred when I was delivering Meals on Wheels and the song "Bend Over Granny" came on my iPod.
Can I be in too?????
"Lick my neck,
my back,
my pussy and
my crack"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTcrWeJ7hTg
Jesus, kids today. No attention span.
Or pop culture singing
That make kids think they can talk like this to women
A few years ago I was out getting loaded with a friend. He called a girl over and told her that he would like to stick his tongue up her arse, and her friends as well. She was shocked and couldn’t believe he said that, she wanted to know why he said that, he advised her she should consider his words the kiss off, and leave. I was a bit stunned but impressed with his couldn’t give a fuck attitude.
Anyway security made there way over to us at this girls request, they got closer and realised they knew us and I sorted it.
Was money involved?
Or some other exchange?
Did you tell some fib about the girls and get them thrown out instead?
you should have told him he was a fucking idiot.
not good, boys. not good.
If I saw a MILF walking down the street in a muumuu, I probably would think along similar lines as the Neanderthal, but I wouldn't commit my thoughts to my vocal chords. Especially if she was accompanied by a child, a feline, and an onager. Not sure if I'd really want to lick her animal friends but, as I wouldn't know where they had been.
PS, I love it when you talk dirty :)
Your right, I probably should have told him it's wrong to speak like that. I don't agree with that speak, but I didn’t say anything. I make no excuse but my appreciation was misguided.
I was going to go anon as well, but I like to own what I write
i thought i was in the booth so went anon.
i also like to own what i write.
apart from in the booth.
Seriously.
Mustn't rule out the unlikely possibility that the chap suffers from tourettes. That may have been the most embarassing moment of his life.
I sat next to a girl with tourettes for many a class at uni. Sometimes the poor girl would burst out with the filthies... God I miss her. Such a nice lass, such a dirty mind... and her mouth couldn't help but spurt it out. Thankfully she could laugh about it... except for the day in a pretty small class when a guy walked in and she said, loud, time after time... "Ooooh, he's cute!", which is embarassing, but fine... After about 30secs, however, it became "Fist me! Fist me!".
So, spare a thought... poor kid on his BMX may have been as shy as buggery...
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