Tales of an only child, part #3428.
A phone-call, Saturday.
Dad: So how are you going? Are you okay?
Me: Fine. Why?
Dad: It's just that we heard a girl fell out of a three storey window in Surry Hills.
Mum: (in background) IS SHE OKAY?
Me: I'm fine. It wasn't me.
Dad: Well, we thought it wasn't. Because it said on the news that she was 29. And you're 31. But still...
Me: Right.
Dad: We just thought - 'oh!' - you know?
Me: Sure.
Dad: How was Died Pretty last night?
Me: It was okay. The band were good. But this guy was sitting behind me and he threw a can at me -
Dad: He threw a can at you?
Mum: (in background) OH MY GOD WHO THREW A CAN AT HER?
Dad: I'm just trying to find out.
Me: It wasn't hard or anything. He wanted me to lean back so he could see. And I was so mad that he didn't just tap me on the shoulder like a normal person -
Mum: (in background) WHAT'S HAPPENING? WHO THREW A CAN AT HER?
Me: Tell her I'm fine.
Dad: She's fine.
Mum: OH MY GOD, A CAN. OH GOD. IS SHE REALLY OKAY?
*****************************************
It's no wonder I'm so fucking neurotic.
Comments
It's got to the point where I've reverted to being a 12 year old and feel the need to let her know where I am all the time.
Next thing you know, I won't be able to go into a public toilet with out her standing outside the cubicle asking me every 5 seconds, "is everything alright in there dear."
I'm sure they were privately entertaining that thought, Ms. Anon.
I'M NOT ENTIRELY CERTAIN SOMEONE CALL 911.
Also since when do punters sit at a Died Pretty show? Are we really getting that damn old?
Freakin wine racks man!!!
I hope you thumped the arse lobbing cans yr way. How rude.
...in Fitzroy.
Never seemed to fussed about me when I was a little tacker though....strange no? In fact the rule was only come inside from playing if there's blood involved.
Senility ...has a lot to answer for.
If it was you I'm coming looking for you, chips.
Relatives who live afar contact me with jest anytime there’s a wet nurse in the news. You date one lactating lady,and the jokes just keep coming
Lady fits you should have punched on in response to the can hit.That is on the "reasons to punch on" list, or at least go honey bunny, and threaten to"electrocute every motherfucking last one of ya",until you find out who did it, and then get your security to backfist them,while you enjoy the show.
Cigarette flicked in the face is also on rtpo list, it is close to the top
No need to be an only child to suffer at the hands of neurotic parents. I get about one of those phone calls a week, even though I still live in the same city as my parents and they have another child to harass. I think they need help.
PS - awesome blog, Fits. Love your work.
(It's okay, I wasn't too attached to them)
I hope the can didn't hurt too much, sometimes things seem like a really good idea until the other person starts bleeding.
(I'm just saying this, it wasn't me)
I once made the mistake of alluding to a bike accident on Stalkerbook and had the in laws all frazzled (unnecessarily) and calling the boy to see If I was in hospital or something, unbeknownst to me. Oops.
I'm not an only child but I'm with you on the neurosis.
P.S. Want me to go looking for said can thrower? I don't know what they look like, but I reckon I could take them.
Mum: It's looking stormy out there
Me: Yeah
Mum: You weren't going anywhere were you?
At one point she attempted to impose a 5pm curfew on me, lest I "catch a cold".
I am 36!
Add my on facebook, sweetheart..... www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=648118510
Cheers
Rich
(DAMN the internets)
Me: Hi Mum
Mum: Hello, how are you?
Me: Not bad, how are -
Mum: GLENN
Me: Yes?
Mum: Oh, Dad asked who it was. I'll put him on.
Dad: G'day mate.
Me: Hey, how's it goin?
Dad: Oh, alright -SORRY HUN?
Me ...waits for conversation to finish...
Dad: Mum said how's your job going?
...etc.
Hah! How cool are they?
typical Gemini.
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