Reasons you will hate me

wooo
first comment
woo wooo!!

So THIS is why JJJ is falling in the ratings! Talk about your actual self-indulgent drivel! Ms Fits seems to have no bottom!

It's great that you blogged on this. Saved me from going to the Splendour site.

I love efficiency.

Awww love it! I completely agree

Yes, pity the lineup is such crap though.

I would have fumbled at "Pnau" !

Can't spell but good music though. What sort of uniform do the vowel police get to wear?

Fr engh t! vwls r mghty imptnt.

Ms Fits, I have been off the booze for exactly four months, nine days and about eight or so hours.

I do feel much better for it, and have saved enough money to buy a nice new 15'' PowerBook, into which I am typing this post.

(I was a very heavy drinker)

However, it is such a nice Autumn day I've decided to take it off and am sorely tempted to go out and have a huge liquid lunch, fall off the wagon in spectacular fashion.

What is your advice? Should I do this?

My housemate is a Swedish student, very tall, steely blond hair. She is studying politics at La Trobe and does not like you.

You keep on rockin', girl.

"My housemate is a Swedish student, very tall, steely blond hair. She is studying politics at La Trobe and does not like you."

Bloody foreigners

If everyone took a choko and pegged it at Ben Lee during his 'we're all in this together' song, surely one of us must hit him.

Good on you Ms Fits. 'Mstrkrft'. This could as easily be Mister Kroft or Maestro Krackfart. Leaving out vowels is similar to my partners navigation skills. "Turn at the next street." Great, but which fucking way?

Oh now I get it. I heard this and wondered why you would have such trouble with 'master craft'. thought you were losing it.

In a way I am, Anon.

I'm with you Fitzy. The lack-of-vowels band name is as bad as 80s hair-metal misspellings like "Limozeen" et al.

I have honestly never heard any of these bands. Does that make me uncool, or ultra-cool?

I'm also jealous that my producer doesn't call me hon. Could be because I don't have a producer of course...

Oh gosh. How sweet is that line up! Yet the timing couldnt be worse, just before trials.

stay off the pish anon. write a novel bout the steely blonde swede with a penchant for politics instead.

It sounded pretty smooth on the air at the time, you almost pulled it off :D

Reconciliation problem: MsFits Fear of looking Uncool vs This Blog .....

*head ticks... slowly*

Surely you could have lambasted them live on air for their lck f vwls? Must make an effort to listen to JJJ in the morning.

Megan, that's a bugger. I assume you are not guilty of course...

I am a middle aged JJJ listener. It is by far preferable fare than Kyle and Jackie Oh! or most of the other 'funny' personalities that make me nauseous. I'll be honest, it's either you guys or ABC FM, depending on my mood.
Now for my bitch session (oldschool). My teenage children 'txt' me with this sort of vowelless drivel and I simply don't understand some of it. I have had to resort to getting younger folks to translate for me. This makes me feel old and bitter and I am forced to take it out on aforementioned young people.
As we might have said back in the day...Instant karma man!

N vwls - N Prblm

MsFts s n rrttngl smg 31 yr-ld tlvsn wrtr wh yrns t b Bb lls bt wll sttl fr Bb Hrt. t lst h gts fr mls. Pmps nbjck

nbjky?

rofl
nbjcky i should say
man i should do some work :/

"Augustus Belcher said...
So THIS is why JJJ is falling in the ratings! Talk about your actual self-indulgent drivel! Ms Fits seems to have no bottom!"

Funny you say that, however you're reading this blog . . . don't you look a bit stupid now?

@ elbastardo: unfortunately, asking if you are uncool makes you uncool. Which only causes social anxiety, leading you to ask again.

Avoid this recursive cycle by saying not only have you heard of all the bands, but you don't actually listen to them because they're shit (you'd actually be correct in just over 1/3 of the cases on this list). Doing something post-ironic to your hair also helps.

ur nts wkn lol

Yes the Y is needed. Sorry for the anonimity - the post above sans vowels was mine but I forgot to type my name.

Really just wanted to demonstrate how confusing the no-vowel crap is ...iImean that passage could just as easily be reconstructed as..

Ms Farts is on irritatingly smog 31 year-old television warter woah yarns it by Bab alals bot will settle fra Bab Hurt. It lust ha! guts for mulls. Pimpous nabjacker

Well you know what I mean..

Do people currently call their children stupid names because they can't spell?

Will the next generation name their children without any vowels? Does that make my name lzbth? And my colleague lsa?

And how will anyone know whether I'm saying frock up or fuck up?

Gawd help us all in this age of multiple communication tools which seems to make us communicate even less effectively than before.

@Marmalade: Sound advice.

Please set aside for me an autographed first edition of your 'Etiquette For The Secretly Insecure'. (I haven't been cool for twenty years, if ever ...)

2b r nt 2b? I dunno. it's just not the same.

Well, I suppose if you'll let guys into the country wearing plastic flowerpots then is it save to hope that the next time Helen Caldicott visits the US you'll take her back?

... and when did we start spelling 'craft', 'kraft' (or are they German)?

Tell Robbie that just because he sees things one way doesn't mean that everyone sees things the same way. The world is bigger than Robbie - 'Just say it like you see it.' he says. I personally see it as 'Misterkrift', which might have been fine for everyone in South Africa streaming JJJ, but not much help for the rest of us.

yes yes very cool lineup...but i was kinda hoping that the my bloody valentine rumours would turn out to be true...

They're Canadian :P

After these guys:



Dolly Parton is a red herring, but I shouldn't have to explain how much this picture tickled my fancy. God bless you, internet.

"I am a middle aged JJJ listener. "

I sympathise with your nerdly predicament, gramps. Australian media, radio espesh, is straight out of the commode and getting worse by the day. Get your four year old to introduce you to podcasting, and graze from the far paddocks. Radio New Zealand's morning programme is very good, as is most of their stuff.

ladies and gentlemen, ms fits has left the building

@Lawrie: Thanks for enlightening me. :)
I lost my grip on pop music when MC Hammer appeared, wearing parachute pants.

"I’m not feeling very well so I won’t be in today."
"James, your dinner’s ready. It’s mashed potato and beans."

translates to

"m nt flng vry wll s i wnt b n tdy. "
"jms yr dnnrs rdy. ts mshd ptt n bns"

which translates to

"m not fling very wall s I want b n tidy. "
"jams yr dinners dry. its meshed putt on bans"

which translates to

"I’m not flinging myself at a wall and I want to be tidy."
"Jams’ dinner’s dried out and made of putty and bans pushed through mesh."

Now, who’s a fan of txt spk?

Hey Rev... don't be mean to crankyoldfart. Just because he can't read the unreadable doen't mean he's not hip. Probably has five iPods and is contatntly streaming on his iMac.

Ms Fits can you please ask The Cold War Kids to come to WA. It would be even more convenient if you could get them to play just around the corner at The Newport or the Fly By Night

In fact we've got a very nice pizza oven if they want to jam in our yard

It's OK anon. I took no offence. I respect religion (from afar)Yes I am hip. Recently had a hip replacement. By the way I am not incontinent and anyway surely streaming on your imac is dangerous. Electrocution etc.

oh The Gin Club!

how wonderful! saw them in Melbourne recently - they were divine!

But EclecticEccentric, when MC Hammer burst on the scene, things started getting interesting!

The torah has no vowels, observed a bunch of orthodox folks deep into stats at unsw, perhaps there's a connection?

BTW Prof Hoffman was cool - squeezed my mark to 51% despite an attempted lamington bribe

Nice picture of the morning creww marmelaide. (I like fitzy's new hair) but whoo are the two guys on the right. must be the producers

Back in my day, Mastercraft made perambulators.

and seasonings for steak

Finally got to see the roller derby! Wooo! Took almost 3000 photos on the night and managed to get through them quicker than I thought to put them up on my website:
http://photos.timchuma.com/VRDLBout3190408/index.html

Also I saw SixFtHick, The Knockouts, Gentle Ben and His Sensitive Side, The Band Who Knew Too Much and the Junes on the weekend and took photos.

fitsys new hair? what picture...oh dang it - why can't I keep up with the coolsie kids.

I'm just waiting for someone to comment on Fitsy's new(?) bust size.

@Lawrie: You can't touch this. (Isn't he back selling used cars? That's the urban myth, at least ... )

I'd comment on The Fitz's new bust size but I havn't even seen the old one.
I think im slowly out of date with everything.

Why is a bust a bust?

why is anything anything

@EclecticEccentric

MC Hammer (born Stanley Kirk Burrell on March 30, 1962) is an American MC who was popular during the late 1980s and early 1990s, known for his dramatic rise to and fall from fame and fortune and his trademark Hammer Pants. He became a preacher in the 1990s and now works as a television show host and CEO. He lives in Tracy, California, with his wife Stephanie and six children, three boys and three girls. Throughout his career, MC Hammer has run his own label, Oaktown Records.

What! devo's gay?

@Lawrie: Wikipedia. Note to self: always check Wikipedia first.

Thanks Lawrie.

spllng wth n vwls snt trndy, ts jwsh!

Anonymous: "(I was a very heavy drinker)"

Please define "heavy drinker". As a fellow heavy drinker and alcoholic, I have also struggled to kick the booze. After having 3 days off, I went on a bit of a bender last night.

My main vice is wine which my doctor told me is good for you as opposed to whiskey and other spirits. Hell, even beer is good for you.

I would drink around 5-7 bottles of wine a week with mostly Friday nights ending a week's work with two bottles of wine in ONE night.

I may also indulge in a few pints of beer if I am out and about in town with friends but at home, wine is the go. However, I can drink around 5-6 pints of beer before I feel bloated and about to burst like the heavy-set kid in Willy Wonka.

Two bottles in one night? Hell, AlcoPop... you're an amateur (although I think your liver may not be happy with the daily drinking – you need a few AFDs every week.).

BTW, I find wine is a bad choice. Too damn easy to drink.

Anonymous, I actually do have days off from drinking on Sunday, Monday and sometimes Tuesday. Thursday to Saturday is when I am peaking.

I find wine to be good because I can drink two bottles of wine in one night and wake up ok the next day and go to work. I find I get hangovers when I have wine with beer and/or spirits. Red wine is my preference, for its health benefits!

Hmmm... I think the health benefits only come into play if you have five bottles EVERY night.

i'm a girl currently into the third week of my alcohol reduction exercise (no more than 2 drinks per night on a regular night or 4 drinks on a party night). What I have learnt: my bedroom is neater. I have more time. I have more money... but I really need help finding out what exactly it is sober people do at 11pm on a friday night when I'm tired of the drunk people around me but can't go to bed yet... any help?

and just to make this relevant to the post - can i go to splendour just to see the wombats???

Anonymous, out of curiosity, what is you weekly/nightly alcohol intake? Don't tell me you have had FIVE bottles of wine in ONE night!

So, just to summarise, we're discussing; alcohol, MC Hammer, Dolly Parton, a gay Devo and a grammatically challenged society.

A tame thread, today. ;)

AlcoPop... I was just having a lend of you. I actually imbibe about one bottle of wine a week and about seven scotch and cokes (not all in the one sitting - unfortunately those days are over!).
marmaduke... watch sports replays.

BTW... I think my record was seven bottles of champers one night. And, believe it or not, I was able to function with no problems the next day. I was much younger then. *sigh and yearn for my young self*

anon 16:08 .... um ... no... I'd rather stick with the drunks.

But marmaduke... sport's much better for you (unless you follow a team like I do that never reaches its 'potential'. But I like to think that makes for a good cardiovascular workout, punching things and such... or as an excuse for a wee drinky).

Anon 16:10 said: I think my record was seven bottles of champers one night

Seven in but how many out the same way? alternatively: how many shared around (friends, carpet, cushions in sofa...)?

btw champers...fem, no?

*remembers $1 drinks, stagedoor tavern, no rbt, run car while on dole, sigh...*

anon 16:19 I'd rather take my chances with rage. I can punch the tv set every time a guest programmer selects Daft Punk's 'one more time'. I mean, come on, it can't be that good. Have none of those people ever heard of The Cure??

now guys too much booze is bad! cancer, panic attacks, gastro intestinal problems, brain problems. it effects every system of your body.
even your soul gets pissed and god doesn't like that. the benefits certainly decrease after the first few.....

lentil - that's enough to get me back on the booze bus ::reaches for red wine::

@marmaduke; what exactly it is sober people do at 11pm on a friday night? I like sex, sanwiches and R&R.

After having a few drinks last night at a work party (read: 6 glasses of wine and 4 pints of beer), I am heading off tonight after work to meet some friends for, you guessed it, drinks! I will try and keep it to a reasonably sane amount of 4 pints of beer and/or 3 glasses of wine.

(.)(.)... just me (the friend I was drinking with also consumed seven bottles [we counted them all the next morning just to make sure we hand't dreamed the whole thing in a drunken coma]). And both of us fem, yes. A good night was had dancing around to Abba, having deep and meaningfuls and saying I love you. Thankfully, no vomiting though. We were tough in those days.

Lentil, I hear ya. You are completely right about the effects of booze. But I must confess that I have been having a bit of fun with y'all. It seemed that things were getting a tad too serious. Now stop that immediately.

And marmaduke - I like your style. Many things on TV make me want to punch it. Some of the tunes, 60 Minutes, A Current Affair/Today Tonight, Big Brother... etc... etc...etc. You get the drift.

...OK I hope you're all happy1 I just opened a bttle f sctch nd sklld. Shit I understand the no vowel thing.

anon 16:47 - so cliched to gripe about, I know, but my flat mate has a thing for 'so you think you can dance'... to which i have to respond "nnnoooooooo"... And, rogue traders girl, please tell me what the hell you're doing tottering around stage on stilettos while the rest of us chow down on our microwave dinners (lean cuisine, of course). and if it's not that, it's 'The Biggest Loser'. Where does it end??

lzbth said...

"Will the next generation name their children without any vowels? Does that make my name lzbth?"

Perhaps in Hebrew

lentil...
yv gtta b drnk t ndrstnd txt spk. Y dy thnk tngrs uz sch lngug? (Oops, if I was really cool I wouldn't have used a question mark. Bugger.)

Itsth alright for you Greg, but I have to go through life getting called Thindy all the time.

How about Hotel Motel? Would that be HtlMtl?

ms fits, heard the whole thing this morning. keep those boys honest!

What the hell are you talking about ?

You were quite right to avoid trying to pronounce it. You might have misled the kiddies into thinking the creator of H.R. Puffin' Stuff was coming...

11pm on Friday night is the perfect time for drugs marmaduke.... forget waking up the next day wondering what you did, I wake up at the end of the week and wonder where my money went :)

Greg, I used to semi-indulge in drugs although it was only ecstasy and coke. Been two years now that I haven't done drugs. I agree with you the best time was Friday night at 11pm at a little bar/club with all the regulars. It was no huge club and the average age was 25-35 and no young ones. It was cool but we all grew up and the party is now well and truly over. Nowadays, Friday night at 11pm I am finishing off my second bottle of red and about to retire to bed!

Hello, I'm back.

I did not relapse and fall off the wagon luckily, but had a quiet and moderately productive day.

During my peak, I was on two bottles of red a night. Quite often, I'd keep one next to my bed and take a honk from it to get me going in the morning.

Sometimes, I just stayed in bed 'till 2pm, drinking and reading crappy novels.

I would also go and sit in the park in the afternoons and drink two cans of Kilkenny and read the paper.

I was in a bad way there toward the end of it. Getting fat, ugly, looking like shit, sewer breath, nutritional deficits, failure of cognition, everything.

I just stopped one day when I found myself puking into a blue plastic bucket at 11am and realized that this was not good.

Quitting was surprisingly easy; I just substituted decaf tea for the booze and took sleeping pills to deal with the insomnia.

I am now a much happier and prettier fellow, no longer possessed by dark and morbid thoughts and of increasing interest to the opposite sex, one of whom drove me to the bottle in the first place.

I'm a bit conflicted about that; might keep flying solo for a while.

My housemate, who is from Gotenberg, thinks that Ms Fits looks like a penis with arms and legs and a face drawn on it.

id lk t gt bck t tlkng n txt

So, what do you reckon, if you give up the booze, lay of the ciggies, cut down or cut out the red meat, exercise regularly and sufficiently, avoid stress, meditate, have regular bowel movements, avoid cholesterol and high blood pressure, drink plenty of water, etc...

How many years do you think you will get over me?

I agree with Robbie.

Ms Fits! Over here! I saw this and thought you of immediately.
http://thenonist.com/index.php/thenonist/permalink/hot_library_smut/

(I do realise how weird that sounds).

I only drink when I go out for dinner in the evenings. I always start with an aperitif, single malt whisky no ice or water on cold nights, or a manhattan or vodka martini when its warm. I'll have red wine with the entree and main courses, no matter what the dish. Something light like Beaujolais for white meats and fish right up to Chateauneuf-du-Pape or cab shiraz with a full-on red meat offering. With dessert, I have a glass of bubbly, something dry. I'll follow coffee with an eau-de-vie, marc or cognac, depending what is on offer and how I feel. As you can tell, I always go to French restaurants for my little indulgences, about once a month I'd say. I once sat next to Lindsay Fox. We did not speak to each other.

Well, it seems that nothing stimulates the topic of booze like the lack of vowels in the name of a band. However, in the defence of mstkrft, taking the analogy to the extreme (e.g., 'f' for 'of') seems a little unfair - at least they left some context to work with. Wow, I just noticed how hard it is to respond to this issue without also resorting to leaving out vowels to parody the band name. Oh well, I guess I must be drunk...

Everyone be polite to what the pretty lady says, I mean demands. Although I don’t like this trait .I support this instance, nice work. Can you do one a week? I think you have set yourself to be able to do whatever you want, and no one can stop you. I would like a song pulled halfway into it . You can make the reason, I’m sleepy.

You don’t need to free your self of the J station, get rid of them, go out with a bang and take over England or U.S.

I am the shoulder sitting ear whispering devil when the moon is somewhat full

"I am the shoulder sitting ear whispering devil when the moon is somewhat full"

Stupid, drunken twat.

it pleases me greatly that you three, who i am currently listening to via podcast, forgot operator please. aka- operator please die/operator please disappear/operator please stop making music and effectively contaminating the reputation of all australian music to follow/(in the immortal words of a spray-paint-on-bed-sheet request at this year's gold coast big day out)operator please shut the fuck up.

Imagine how funny it would be if someone like me made a great joke about "vowel cancer".

Seriously, imagine!

fits I loved how Benjamin laws anti blog article was just across the page from your bi monthly piece of literary gold.
oh and props for working in 'fuck' at 2020

"I am the shoulder sitting ear whispering devil when the moon is somewhat full"
*sniff* s'beautiful
stealling for my signature line on forum
ta

Do vowel cancer patients have to wear a cstmy bg?

clstmy bag

I think we should oranise and deploy to fight this evil. Yes people we need a vowel movement

i meant organise. shit

Hey... what would my text name be if my real name was Louise? Ls?

Why are you on JJJ if you don't know shit about music? Also why do you care what the youth think about you, do you have like a self esteem issue that you msut be liked by the nation's youth? Harden the fuck up sweety.

Researchers believe they may have discovered a potential cure for vowel cancer, involving the injection of Ys into the nuclei of cells, but testing is at an early stage.

What next? MSTRFDS presents their HRBS 'n' SPCS range? Get a vowel up ya!

Responding to the one that stopped drinking and is now bored, I had a similar experience recently. I found I was getting this kind of existential sadness. My theory is that drinking gives purpose: when you are drinking you are drunk and in the moment; the next day you are hungover and in the moment; the rest of the time you are looking forward to the next time. And days aren't as long. Without those, you come up against freedom and what the bloody hell you're supposed to do with it and why. I started a blog, on which I did one post and then felt embarrassed. The second post was going to be about this very topic if I did one, but I didn't. I must be over that thing. Sweet. Cheers.

I have to agree with anonymous 1031's housemate from Gotenberg. Would like to know what the housemate looks like tho. She'd want to be sensational given the slag she put on Fitzy........:)

Ben - oh no. have started having random thoughts about starting a blog... Am terrified I'm going to turn into ultra-functioning single, mid-twenties, skim flat white sipping lefty who has actually been to every exhibition/play/poetry reading going around, remembers my grandparent's birthdays and, fear of all fears, regularly make my bed. No one will ever want to speak to me for longer than 5 minutes... *sigh*

and ben, i just read your blog and tried to leave a comment but it wouldn't let me because i don't have a google account. sorry. i don't want a google account.

Cheers marmaduke. Gmail's sweet, you know. I can't see myself having the sticking power to do a blog properly and I could never be concise enough. You should though! Do a "rage" blog and comment about every guest host's choices in real time ;)

Mad Cat Lady ,i made that up,i dont know what forum you speak of. Have you written these same words?

I know exactly what you're saying AlcoPop, trying to get to that point myself, the mere mention of e's and coke still triggers a change in my brain chemistry though... thankfully I live far away from any convenient access and don't have to rely on will power alone :)

Just beer and good music at 11pm these days...

yes - i have attributed it to you, so I haven't exactly stolen it completely. You don't want royalities do you?

Well, leaving out vowels is at least a little more practical than doing it the other way around and leaving out consonants:

" i i a iiai u 31 ea-o eeiio ie o ea o e o Ei u i ee o o a. A ea e e ee ea. oou ooe."

If you didn't get that it was the vowels-only version of anon 23/4 11:32.

See, you've got to give the yoof SOME credit.

There was a scene in a movie "The Actor" with Michael Caine and Dylan Moran and one of them wanted to put on a version of shakespeare with only vowels. Not sure if it was hamlet or king lear? or michael or dylan? I don't remember so good.

No royalties thanks Lady Mad Cat. I appreciate that you know the shoulder sitting whisperers, and you like my spin .Maybe that could be the title of my new film. "The shoulder whisperers".I like it, 5 stars

When did this blog become alcoholics anonymous?

Nobody cares about your fucking drug problems!

When were you elected as the representative who can speak for everyones interests?

Soory, I just think the real thing keeping these people from losing their addictions is the attention they get from whining about it.

love the 'awkward silence ' , nearly as good a name for the show as the 'n idea - let's start rmrs of a fued!

No royalties - excellent. I'm a little short this month. My parents have a lot to answer for. they are both above 5'10".
Movie: I am picturing a cross between Medium, Monk and The Fisher King. Dectective retired due to mental health issues and has ceased to take his medication as they interfer with his visions, but is left never sure if he is having a preminition or a psychotic episode. Just to make things more confusing I feel a supernatural villian should be included. apologise for spelling and grammer - I cannot be arsed this morning.

this is apropos of completely nothing and weeks too late, but MSTRKRFT are Canadian. In Canada there also happen to be many products produced under the brand name Mastercraft (like drill bits and screwdrivers and boats), sold at Canadian Tire stores across the country and found in most households. So if you threw that name up at a Canadian, they would probably guess how to say it pretty quickly. Like if an Australian band called themselves the LMNGTNS or something.